John Cena Stars in Do the Right Thing, a CM Punk Joint

I bet there are a few ex-WWEers who wish they were Cena here
Photo Credit: WWE.com

I'm going to tell you something that you already know, only my name isn't Sean O'Haire. CM Punk was pretty much made last night. Everyone is going to write about him at length, as will I at various points this week. He deserves it. But I think writing about Punk glowingly is too easy for most among us. We've been doing it already. I think this basking needs to be done though, because it's cathartic for us, to see a guy who is, for lack of a better term, ours make it.

However, it takes two to tango as the old cliche goes. John Cena proved last night that he was a more than able foil for Punk's star turn. How did he do it? Why was Cena so valuable last night? It's because he did what he does best. He did the right thing, both in character and out of it.

Cena gets a lot of crap for various reasons, but one of the biggest reasons why I admire and respect him is because he embraces the crap and knows when to play the role that works for the situation best. The guy goes out and poses for pictures with his haters. He smiles and laughs when the men chant "Cena sucks! Cena sucks!" He's as aware and accepting of those who hate him as he is appreciative of those who cheer for him. Last night, he could have gone into business for himself. He could have gone out there, played to the crowd, did all his babyface spots with the same vigor and worked the match like the year was 2008 and the opponent was Randy Orton.

But he didn't.

He worked the match with a businesslike grimness, like he knew he was on hostile ground and that he was the villain to a good 85% of the crowd at the very least. He didn't do anything specifically indicative of a rulebreaker, but there was a chip on his shoulder, a chip that is usually found on the bad guy rather than the underdog good guy. If you don't want to praise him for it, and if you want to say he was doing his job, then fine, but I guaran-damn-tee you that if the opposite happened and Cena wasn't so good-humored, those who would poo-poo this would probably also fly into a rage attacking the man.

Of course, that's just the out-of-character trappings. In character, when Cena was called upon to do the right thing, it led directly into the finish of the match. When Cena is the lawful good white knight, he's at his best, at least as a babyface. Last night, letting go of the STF to cut off Johnny Ace, he showed that winning wasn't as important if it was going to be tainted. For as many problems as I've had with Cena doing shit like dropping chairs on Wade Barrett after he had brutally defeated him in a chairs match or cracking wise on the homosexual community, I absolutely think he's a brilliant character when he does the right thing.

And from all standpoints last night, Cena was brilliant because he did the right thing in every situation. Variety of character is a wonderful thing, as I've written a million times. Orton going apeshit on Christian after losing the World Heavyweight Championship on a disqualification worked. Why? Because Orton's brooding antihero, a guy cheered in spite of his bad attitude, someone who works best as a nihilistic wrecking ball who does what he wants, when he wants it. If Cena were the exact same character as Orton, then things would get boring. Orton is Deathstroke. CM Punk is Batman. Cena is Superman.

As long as the characters stay in their defined roles and have the necessary changes come about in meaningful ways that play to their strengths, then things will be good. Cena played to his strengths last night, and as a result, it enhanced the CM Punk Show tenfold. When people look back on this moment in time, they'll definitely be talking about Punk, but they'll also be talking about Cena, how he was the perfect foil for Punk at this moment.

And it's all because he did the right thing.

Whatever Happened to the Athletic Fat Guy?

Steen: Not svelte, but definitely the goods

Earthquake. Vader. Big Boss Man. Bam Bam Bigelow. The mainstream feds used to be full of athletic big men who had beer bellies to go with their technical prowess and in some cases, high flying moves. Commenter Lucius lamented on Twitter that the athletic fat guy has gone to the wayside. True, if you scour the WWE's roster right now, you'll find one guy who fits the "athletic" mold, rather than the monster role. That guy is Brodus Clay, who's also totally not on TV right now. Mark Henry is a fat guy, but he's also very much a monster-type. He fits a stereotype more than anything else. There's nothing wrong with that at all, as Henry is among the best things going right now in my opinion, but again, variety is a spice of life that WWE doesn't use a whole lot of.

Impact is slightly better. Samoa Joe and Bully Ray are both beer-gutted wrestlers who move around quite well for guys their size. The indies have two other really good examples, one being Kevin Steen, obviously, and the other being Eddie Kingston. Kingston is a borderline example, as he's not really that fat. Steen is a better example in terms of body type. Both men are tremendous wrestlers. Then again, enumerating all those guys, plus adding in maybe Husky Harris, and it's six guys tops who fit the mold. In terms of how many sheer wrestlers are out there, that might be a small number, but then again, what fat people in America today are athletic as well?

Body types have changed over the years too. Be it steroids, better conditioning, better diet, more discipline, more pressure from management to have a better body type or whatever, you don't see nearly as many barrel chests or doughy stomachs anymore. Like it or not, WWE's neuroses over body type have ruled the day to the point where if you want to be a wrestler, you have to acquiesce to WWE's idea of what a wrestler looks like.

Be that as it may, how many truly great athletic fat guys have there been? I wonder if the number of guys with beer guts who can fly around the ring with ease now is just the same as it's been historically. However, the difference is, Boss Man, Earthquake, Vader and Bam Bam all were near the top of the card in WWF, WCW or both. Bam Bam main evented WrestleMania. Boss Man teamed with Hogan and Quake and Vader both feuded with him. Meanwhile, Clay and Harris aren't on TV, Joe and Bully are in a company with no direction, and Steen and Kingston both are kings of the indies.

So maybe Lucius has a point here. It's the number of athletic fat guys, but how they're presented. As a fan of guys like the four historic guys and as boosters of Steen, Kingston, Brodus and Joe, I love seeing this wrestler archetype get its due. So I say yes, let Clay back on WWE TV. Yes, sign Steen, War King and even Joe (if he's available) to WWE and push them to the moon. All body types are welcome, actually. Homogeny is never a good thing. Variety is a spice best applied liberally.

Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein - Please visit his site to view the plentiful amounts of pictures he's taken for DGUSA, ROH and other indie feds: Get Lost Photography