Who said history is dry?

Sticking with the Justin Trend here is a musical timeline of some of the most well known and successful hip-hop. Even the casual fan can recognize half of every song played here within the first note being played.  The history of hip-hop has always intrigued me and this intrigue has been heightened by my current reading of de-coded.  It's cool too see a couple of white guys in  preppy clothes performing this medley, this shows how transcendent this genre is.  

Lexicon on a Hundred, Thousand, Trillion.

You think English is easy??


1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear..

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig..

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?
You lovers of the English language might enjoy this ..
There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ?

At a meeting, why does a topic come UP?

Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?
We call UP our friends. 

And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.

We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.

At other times the little word has real special meaning.

People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary.

In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.

If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used.

It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP.

When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP.
When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.
When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP,

for now my time is UP,

so........it is time to shut UP!

Don't get caught in a Silo.

Can't forget about the TGIF lineup.

Fact of the matter is, unless you're an absolutely uncommon pre-teen, on Friday nights you were usually in the house around 8 parked in front of the rear projection boob tube to watch TGIF.  You all know what I'm talking about.  Corey and Tepenga, Steve Urkel and Laura Winslow, Will and Lisa.  It's really too bad kids these days don't have the same quality programing to tune into as my generation did. Maybe that's why they are all sucking members and running into store fronts while texting and driving.  Fact: quality pre-teen to young adult programing can posi+ively influence the actions of an entire generation in a beneficial manner.  Tell me these theme songs don't bring you down memory lane:

If you can't sing the words to this song what does that say about you? Here's my take: You are a jabrony.

My first real crush was Tepenga. Such big cans, great proportion

When I was a kid we walked to school up hill both ways.

I was flicking through the stations last week and I came across a show that in many ways defined my childhood:

Children's television must be so hard to write.  The scripts are obviously written by "grown ups" who have to have a very vivid imagination.  I picture Mr. Rogers sitting beside Mr. dress up and scheming on how they are going to depict a nativity scene that will teach kids not to litter while still having a fun time treking to the grabage can 10 feet away.  It's a tough sell but these shows still manage to instill morals in kids and parent them.  Here are a couple other shows that bring back such vivid memories from my childhood.

Did I miss anything or have I covered all the bases of the GOOD cartoons from my era???

Daily Clip--->Jerzday. Well actually not really. Better.

This dudes name is Dom Mazzetti and he appears to be Italian. I cannot be 100% sure of his lineage but I do know he is a hoot.  I really need to step my Youtube game up and do something that will really get peoples attention.  Capitalize on a trend or something. Either way with summer quickly approaching usually this time of year would mean improving your resume, only after your mom tells you to of course, and sending it out to potential employers.  Here is the ultimate blueprint.

Daily Clip---> Fainting Goats, controversial, seriously. Look it up.

You all know when you're about to fall asleep, in let's say, your chair, like I do @ work everyday from 2-2:20, and you twitch or make a very spastic movement and almost punch your neighbor square in the nose or worse, punch yourself in the pecker? 

This is called the Mycolonic twitches:
Myoclonus ( /maɪˈɒklənəs/) is brief, involuntary twitching of a muscle or a group of muscles. It describes a medical sign and, generally, is not a diagnosis of a disease. The myoclonic twitches are usually caused by sudden muscle contractions; they also can result from brief lapses of contraction. Contractions are called positive myoclonus; relaxations are called negative myoclonus. The most common time for people to encounter them is while falling asleep (hypnic jerk), but myoclonic jerks are also a sign of a number of neurological disorders.Hiccups are also a kind of myoclonic jerk specifically affecting the diaphragm. Also when a spasm is caused by another person it is known as a "provoked spasm". Shuddering attacks with babies also fall in this category.


Pretty intriguing stuff isn't it? Personally, I twitch aggressively when I'm heading into the dream world.  Fainting goats and twitching humans reside in the same category of disorder, although twitching isn't quite as serious.  Here's the picture.  You're a Billy goat, you're on the run, and you are the direct pray of a famished Liger.  A liger is a mixture of a Lion and Tiger. Supplementary research required if you wanna find out how G'd up this animal is.  Back to the canvas.  You're adrenaline is pumpong, but you need to calm this adrenaline ASAP.  Tough luck, you're a fainting goat, you're genetics get the best of you and you experience temporary rigor mortis. You wake up murdered. Game over.  Fainting goats were not initially the novelty they are today.  They were breed because their muscles don't atrophy, therefore their muscles don't atrophy so they are leaner for slaughter.  PETA is not to happy about these goats, and the term un-natural selection is associated with their "gift".  On a side note, how cute is this BONUS video:   

Travels Germany Vol III.

       I was just cleaning/perusing my emails and realized that I have been M.I.A. for quite some time now, and for that I thoroughly apologize.  The long and short of it is that I didn't have much to report for a couple of weeks, a lot of boring routine and as unbelievable as it is you can slip into routine even in a foreign land when every day has potential to be an inKredible adventure.

Athletes for Days.

        When asked by someone "Do you want to hear the bad news or good news first?" I always pick the bad news first, the blow is usually softened by the good news that follows.  I will start with the standard house keeping stuff and then hit you all with the knockout punch afterwards.  Football is going well.  It becomes very frustrating at times when you only have 18 people at practice, not even enough to scrimmage offense vs. defense and you really feel that you're working backwards and accomplishing nothing.  It's tough to go from a University practice where you have 80 bodies at practice a coach at every position and a well structured plan of attack for the week to where I am @ now.  That being said I've started to realize that the teams our team will be competing against are in the same routine and that our team will not get molly whopped by a vastly superior opponent.  Speaking of vastly superior opponents, our team scrimmaged against a division 1 team a couple of weeks ago, we got splayed out but were able to really recognize our strength and weaknesses; our offensive line is rubbish.  It was a glaring problem, GLARING.  It was a problem that was solved by recruiting a couple of beasts from the City of Lubeck's other team.  I'm very grateful for these new players because as the quarterback, who used to be a somewhat ignorant defensive back, I've started to realize once again how an offensive line is the backbone to a good offense. This football diatribe is only necessary because football is the vessel that has allowed me to get the new world experience I am so fortunate to have right now and for that reason I feel obligated to provide a brief summary of my football life.

         My new roommate/teammate/hombre came in about 3 weeks ago now.  Obviously there was potential for him to be a d-bag but the stars seem to have aligned and he is a stand up guy.  It's nice to have some company and someone who is the same exact mind state and place in life that I am in.  He's from Chicago and has a succinct Mid-Western twang.  He is impressed that i don't say "Eh" and that I have knowledge of American landscape, history and politics.  He is a well educated guy who graduated last year like myself and has so very little knowledge of anything Canadian.  It's becoming more and more obvious to me that America as a country has no interest in anything that isn't American.  It's not Rick (My roommate's) fault that he knows so little about Canada, it's the school system and Media in America's fault.  America is like a self centered teenage girl. 

         Now onto the good stuff; all the traveling I have been privy to in the last 3 weeks.  The last three weekends have included, and in this order, Hamburg, Kiel and Berlin.

Bringing my friends overseas, sort of.

         It was my second time in Hamburg and as compared to my first time included a few more touristic things.  Although the company wasn't quite as good the second time around (What up Andy!) I learned a little more about the city the second time around.  The day included a visit to the Beatlemania exhibit that was an homage to the Beatles and especially how their musical career began in Hamburg at the Kaiserkellar.  The Beatles are a lot cooler than I had always thought, I always thought they were a bunch poppy music makers with little to no edge, but boy was I wrong.  These guys made a lot of cutting edge drug induced music that creatively began trends and influenced so many of the artists that we listen to today.  Rick and I then went on a harbour tour and were witness to how vast Hamburgs canals and shipping district really is.  Next on our list was a well reviewed erotic art museum, but unfortunately the museum wasn't open and we needed to move onto the activity, which was the St. Michael's Cathedral. 

St. Michael's

Usually I am not one to be blown away or impressed by churches, but the architecture of St. Michael's was visually stunning. STUNNING.  Although I am not a proponent to the establishment of religion I have decided to dispel my bias throughout my travels through Europe so that I can witness history and architecture associated with churches.  The church had a spire that was approx. 100 meters tall and the view from the top was breath taking.  St. Michael's Cathedral concluded a fun filled day in Hamburg, a city that will be seeing a lot of my face.

          Not really sure why I included Kiel on the list of hotspot travel destinations I visited.  The trip to Kiel was a brief jaunt to have a friendly scrimmage against a The Kiel Baltic Hurricanes, the division I team I referenced in the 2nd paragraph.  I only really saw a football field and a McDonalds. 

The Amphitheater 

          The icing on the cake that has been the last III weeks was my trip to Berlin over the weekend.  In short, although I will venture next into the somewhat longer, Berlin is the greatest individual city I have ever visited in my short lifetime.  The feel of the city is like nothing I have ever experienced.  There is so much culture and history that it almost feels as though the city is a living and breathing organism.  My travel buddies were Rick and his College roommate Martin.  We took the bus from Lubeck early Friday morning and arrived in Berlin late Friday morning.  The first day included a great deal of sightseeing, walking and of course drinking.  We visited the Reichstag, Rottenborg Tor, the Brandenburger Gate, The Willy Brandt museum and Checkpoint Charlie. If I was to get into detail about all of these locations and attractions I would be here for hours, so as a youth from the internet era, I suggest, if interested, you Google all the locations I reference in this email.  It was also my first ever time staying in a Hostel.  A hostel is certainly something that takes some getting used to, people coming and going at all different times of the day and night, complete strangers sleeping right next to you and having to climb onto the top bunk!  It's a great atmosphere though as hostels house travelers from all over the world and a gang of people who are all in search of exploration, it also helps that they offer very affordable accommodations.  Friday night was a late night and Saturday morning was an early morning, a difficult combination to conquer, but mind over matter is what really matters.  On Saturday we met up with a couple of Berliner's that Rick backhandedly knew through one of his friends girlfriends.  Caroline and Martin (referenced all day as other Martin, and referenced as such throughout this email) made the trip.  They were both sweethearts who were really able to help us connect with the city in a way that we wouldn't have been able to had we taken a standard tour.  Other Martin is in school to be a tour guide and wanted to practice his craft, something that we were very grateful for. On Saturday we saw the East Berlin Gallery, the Turkish quarters, The Sony Centre, The Holocaust monument, and the Volkswagen museum.  We were then spoiled with some very tradition German food and beer, which got our night started.  We convinced Caroline and other Martin to stick around and party with us.  One of Caroline's friends is a bartender and was able to get us on the guest-list of the club she worked at, the best part being that the club was holding a private 18th birthday party for a young lady named Nelly.  It was pretty funny crashing an 18-year-old girls birthday party, but after every free round we gave Nelly her due and toasted the birthday girl.  Sunday morning was another groggy morning that was highlighted by us sleeping through checkout time and being kicked out of our room around noon.  All three of us were Zombies but were once again able to gather a little bit of motivation for one last adventure.  Other Martin suggested we hit up this thing called Bearpit Karaoke.  We stumbled into this park around 1PM that was loaded with so many people from all walks of life.  The atmosphere was electric and the good weather, coupled with a couple of beers helped to shake off the cobwebs.  The karaoke was so fun.  There must have been over a thousand spectators and so many people interested in participating.  When I initially heard about the event I figured there would be long points of inactivity where no one would be singing because they didn't have the testicular fortitude to sing in front of so many people. Boy was I wrong in my assumption and after the first 30 minutes there was a lengthy list of performers and an even longer list of people who wished to sing.  Bearpit Karaoke was the final exclamation point on a weekend that I wish never had to come to an end. 

         I have babbled quite a bit but I hope this email has been somewhat informative as well as entertaining.  I would love to attach some pictures of my journeys but if I attempt to do so my internet modem may burst into flames.  It doesn't exactly provide much of a connection, but it does allow for the basics of communications, which now a days primarily includes emails.  Once I upgrade from a I to I-a internet connection I'll be sure to send you all an assortment of the best moments caught on Camera. In the meantime thanks once again for the audience, I miss you all dearly and wish nothing but the happiness I am currently experiencing for all of you. That line was pretty corny and makes me feel a little like Tony Robins.  In reality I could go back right now and erase it but I'm gonna keep it in there cause I really do mean it.  

Jesse Ross Mack

Masturbating, the environmentally friendly way.

In today's society there is a great deal of emphasis placed upon the importance of being environmentally conscious.  I believe in conservation and that every little bit can help.

Fellas, when masturbating think of mother nature not just Alexis Texas's fat booty and or Eva Angelina's fake boobies.  When you are about to crack one off plan in advance.  You may lose the spontaneity of just whipping out your pen15 club but you will be saving the world one jerk @ a time. Use a jizz towel.  I understand this seems entirely unsanitary, and in reality it may in fact be, (I have yet to do any appropriate research) but I do know it keeps kleenex out of your waste basket and consequently out of a land fill.  If you must insist upon using Kleenex place them in your compost, they are in fact compost-able.  One of the benefits of the cum rag is that you have a greater surface area to catch your personal cum-shots and less possibility of spillage.  Keep this in mind next time you have personal time, and if you have been lacking personal time, make time, it's feels ef-ing wikkid.

Framing.

August 2008 was a catastrophic month for me.  I was training hard the upcoming football season and was geeked and excited to strap the pads back on and hit the gridiron. Plans changed and I got my shit all caught up in the back wheel of my dirt bike and in the process I broke my leg and Ankle.  I was devastated and have not been the same since. Psych, I'm good, life's good, and what's even better is my quality of life will soon be back to next level quality. (More after the Jump)

4 regular screws, 1 humongoid screw and a plate

Yesterday I had surgery to have these screws and this plate removed from my leg.  It was a wikkid experience because I was able to watch the Doc unscrew a screw that was in my ankle bone and mash off a plate with a mallet because it had begun to bind with my fibula.

2 inches, that's like the length of my un-erect...

I have a bandage on the incisions until Tuesday but once I take it off I will be sure to post the pics for your viewing pleasure.  Hopefully they are uber gross, and if they are not, I'll just smear ketchup all over my ankle.

Travels. Germany Vol I.

Hello All,

So I've been living in Germany now for just over a week and am just starting to get over the culture shock.  I must admit though that coming into my new situation with 0 expectations has made the transition much easier.  Fortunately enough I have walked into a great situation.  Everyone has been so accommodating and nice.  I was picked up at the airport by 3 of the guys on the team, Paddy, Knuppel and Toshy.  My first bit of difficulty was adjusting to the rudimentary English that they all speak, and then I learned how often I will be staring off into space when everyone breaks off into German.  By the time I return home my English will have become so rudimentary and poor that I might even need to go back to school to learn the basics (I know Grandma, it is possible for my English to get worse, and yes I am the only one wearing my pants a low as I do here! I won't be pulling them up anytime soon though!)  My first night I was out until 6 in the morning, which is like noon at home though so it wasn't too bad.  They through a nice party, not necessarily for me, but I did feel like the guest of honour.  Everything is open so late its crazy, you can be at the "disco" until 8 in the morning, and people generally don't head to the "disco" until 2.  One of the pictures I have attached is me on my first night with my new home boy Knuppel and Anja, Paddy's Girlfriend

It's taken about a week to get over the jet lag but I'm starting to get used to the time change.  My apartment is really nice, although I will only be living here for another week or so.  The head coach just arrived yesterday and I must admit it is nice to have English speaking company.  He is from Texas and holds true to many of the stereotypes associated with Southerners although he assumed I lived in an igloo and had a dog sled as a primary vehicle.  He is a very nice man and seems very serious about his football.  He has planned on living here a couple of years and is Bringing his whole family over come June.  Thats nice for me because come June, I'll have a secondary family, obviously they will be unable to eclipse my primary family, but they'll be my German family. 

Hannsestrasse

In terms of football it is pretty much what I expected.  There are some really good football players, for example Paddy who played in NFL Europe, and Knuppel who played in the 1st division, and then there is a some guys that were talked into playing by Paddy while they were both hammered one night.  It's a total mish mash which makes it kind of fun.  I was also told that I had a good arm, so my fears of coming over here and completely flopping have been dispelled.  Were practicing in a gym right now and have about 20 guys per practice.  Now that coach is here we will start to get some structure and a set schedule.  I wonder if after practice he will find it strange that half the guys are outside hacking butts?  Or I wonder if he will find it strange that some of the guys are 18, and that our centre must be 40 years old and weight 180 pounds, or as they say 80 Kilos.  We also have a dough boy for a guard, the gentle giant, who speaks less German than I do, although he is a Deutchlander.  Its going to be quite the season and I hope you can all keep tabs on me on the website.  I also get to coach the youth team.  They're all between 13-16 and they know even less football than the older guys.  They're tons of fun and have been receptive to my enthusiasm breeding enthusiasm approach.

Lubeck is a great city and I'm starting to become very accustomed to getting around.  The picture of the car I have attached has been termed the "Seals Mobile" and gets me from point A-->B with few amenities.  It's standard so I've had to bone up on my skills, and after a few embarrassing stalls I seem to have it down to a science.  Oh and I forgot to mention that the car doesn't have power steering.  I have a gym pass but with all the stairs I climb to my apartment, and all the driving with a non power steering car I'm not sure how much I will really be using it.  There are no snow ploughs here so when I first got here there were two tire tracks on the roads and thats it.  The snow has since began melting but there are still strange snow drifts everywhere.

"Riding along in my Automobile, with my baby @ the wheel, I took a kiss @ the turn of a mile..."

Needless to say I lucked into a very good situation.  I'm comfortable and happy.  Thank you to everyone who has been writing me and its great to hear from you all.  Please keep sending the love this way as I really enjoy having my inbox inundated with emails!  Talk to you all soon!

Jesse Ross

#18  

Travels Intro.

As some of you may or may not know I spent a good 10 months of 2010 living in Germany.  The vessel that got me over to the great Deutchland was football, American football.  I played football, worked for a textile printing company called Das Stickwerk and got to travel all over Europe.  While I was there I documented very thoroughly my travels.  I have 8 entries that I will be sharing sporadically on What up? What's Happening? Enjoi. 

A Little Perspective.

What's up with the world today?
In a society that is obsessed with Justin Bieber, Christina Aguilera missing national anthems words and getting fat and Ashley Simpson getting divorced to ultra tight pants wearing Pete Wentz we forget to realize how fragile our humanity really is.  Within the last couple of years we've seen the Earthquake in Haiti and and the Tsunami that recently hit Japan.  WE have no chance, no matter how smart we are against the globe.  We are such a frail humanity and this population will end one day.  When, where, how, who knows.  It's crazy to think that with all of our advances in modern technology we spend the majority of our time inovating camera's with more megapixels to check the Biebs out on his 17th birthday and how much cellulite B. Spears is accumulating in her old age (it's a butt ton of unsexyness I'll tell you that much).  It's time we all put things into perspective.

A few facts:

After major natural disaster events like the earthquake and tsunami that rocked Japan last week, the UN Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs (OCHA) kicks into gear to coordinate the humanitarian aid communities response. One of their many tasks is to provide a steady stream of information about the disaster and response collected from several different sources.

Since the March 11 earthquake, OCHA has released three situation reports. The latest report was posted moments ago and reveals some grim facts and figures on the Japanese disaster.

Casualties:

1,647 confirmed dead. 1,990 injured. More than 10,000 still missing

Property damage:

Around the northern coastal region of Tohoku, the Government reported that 2,852 buildings were destroyed and over 40,000 damaged either by earthquakes, tsunami or fire. The tsunami waves caused the greatest destruction; and an estimated 5,000 houses remain inundated with water in Iwate. In Sendai city of Miyagi 2,700 houses have been washed away, and 1,800 houses destroyed in Fukushima. The number of houses destroyed is also expected to increase as Government assessment teams gain access.

Infrastructure Damage:

The National Police Agency’s latest assessment reports 827 roads, 47 bridges, and seven railways damaged. Transportation systems remain paralyzed. Communication is down for more than 20,000 people in Minami-Sanriku-cho and Matsuyama of Miyagai prefecture, as well as Otsuchi in Iwate Prefecture.

Nuclear Risk:

Authorities report that the reactor core is still intact. Today’s explosion was in Fukushima Daiichi’s reactor 3. There are also concerns for a third reactor at the plant which has lost its cooling system. The Government stated that 177,503 people living within a 20 km radius surrounding the Nuclear Power Plant No. 1 have been evacuated as a preventative measure and is urging calm. An additional 32,426 people living in the 10 km radius of Power Plant No.2 have been evacuated. There are 109 evacuation centres in Ibaraki Prefecture and 72 evacuation centres in Tochigi Prefecture, each with a capacity for 18,000 and 10,000 people, respectively.