Wrestling Six Packs: Moves That Should Be Brought Back

Pictured: A move that should come back
Photo Credit: WrestleHistory.com

People are always trying to innovate moves, and I have no problem with that. There is nothing wrong with expanding the lexicon of moves. However, sometimes, using a move that's been abandoned over the years can be a welcome sight. Sure, they may be simplistic, but sometimes, I don't want to see a five rotation corkscrew springboard inverted reverse Death Valley driver bomb. Sometimes, I just wanna see a trapezius nerve hold. Here are six moves or holds that I want to see come back into the rotation.

1. AXE BOMBAAAAAAAAAHHH~!

I actually wrote about this at length on my birthday last year:

It may not look different than a regular lariat. Yeah, JBL and Stan Hansen and Kenta Kobashi and others may have better-looking clotheslines/lariats. Okay, but were they fucking called the AXE BOMBAH~!? NO THEY WEREN'T YOU JERKS. And the last time I checked, it's my birthday, not yours. Seriously, the WWE is in the habit of bringing back old moves and even old move names. Hell, they've even taken to incorrectly calling Tyler Reks' move the Burning Hammer (2035 Kenta Kobashi rolls over in his grave in the future every time that name is mentioned on WWE TV), so why not give someone a stiff lariat as a finisher and let Matt Striker or CM Punk scream "AAAXE BOMBAAAAH~!" every time the wrestler hits it? Is it that hard to do?

Is it pedantic? Mabye. Do I care? No.

2. Cranial Crush

So many moves target the head, so why not have a submission move that actually applies pressure to it rather than going for some kind of headlock or move that focuses more on contorting the neck? I always liked the visual, and in the age where guys learn to work rather than just plod around, especially the big guys, having psychology behind it would be awesome. I mean, having a guy work a match towards putting the other guy's head in a vise? I'd enjoy that very much.

3. Abdominal Stretch with Top Rope Grab for LEVERAGE

I love dastardly heel tactics. Today, they're still prevalent, but they're more overt, less subtle. I love the heel style from the '80s, where they'd do the sneakier stuff behind the ref's back like grab the ropes, pull the tights, questionably position their arms in headlocks and all that stuff. The best is the extended sequence where the heel has the face in an abdominal stretch and then grabs the rope for leverage. These were great because they turned restholds into amusing little spots in the match where you get cat and mouse between the heel and the ref. I miss that.

4. Banzai Drop

I also love traditional fat guy moves. Too bad there aren't a whole lot of fat guys left in WWE nowadays, and the ones in the indies traditionally "work" rather than do the fat guy thing. So you get no one really working the "I'm gonna squish you" angle all that much, except for Mark Henry. His shtick is already defined though, and it doesn't include the Banzai Drop. Yeah, Tursas used it Saturday (missing both times he tried), but I want someone using it regularly. I mean, there's no more effective visual of a fat guy just destroying someone than by sitting on them, right? Am I crazy?

5. Stump Puller

Another thing I love is the arcane submission hold. I'm not sure it gets more arcane than this one. Not only is this sort of a convention-defying submission, if it were applied low enough, it could double as a Roman helmet to the victim's head. If you don't know what it is... well, let's just say it's par for the course for how twisted wrestlers can be.

6. Bridging Perfect Plex

John Cena does a half-assed version of this, but he lets go of the leg hook mid-height and doesn't bridge. Tyson Kidd does the neckbreaker variant on this. Most indie guys go FISHAHHHMAN BUSTAAAAH style. But who does a regular, fisherman suplex with a bridge for a pin? If anyone does it, I'm unaware of them. Seriously, this was a great finishing move because it looked like a tight hold that was hard to get out of.

Wrestling Six Packs: Odd Nostalgia Acts I'd Like to See

Last night, Diamond Dallas Page made a cameo appearance, chewing scenery with Booker T and Shawn Michaels and participating in the figurative disemboweling of Drew McIntyre. WWE has brought back a cavalcade of olden stars in recent times, everyone from George "The Animal" Steele to Lita. But one of the things that nearly every fan loves is seeing people from their past show up. There are still so many guys who'd be awesome in cameo appearances. Here are six I'd love to see.

1. Bob Backlund

In my formative years as a wrestling fan, Bob Backlund was one of the first characters I loved due to what would I'd later term as "the lulz". He was absurd and very easily imitable, but among the field of wrestling trashmen and junk pitchers and dentists, he was a character who was fun. Evil and crazy, but fun. His Presidential campaign was a nice diversion for after he left the main event scene. With that being said, I can't be the only person who'd have thought that seeing him at Capitol Punishment instead of the Obama impersonator would have been a million times better, right?

2. The Bushwhackers

C'mon now, you wouldn't mark for Luke and Butch licking heads and giving noogies on WWE TV? I think they should be in the Royal Rumble every year, getting thrown out within like 3 seconds. It should be tradition, especially now that the Rumble's a straight 40 guys. And don't tell me the kids wouldn't understand them. What's there to grasp about them? They grunt, lick heads and act silly for the kids. Nostalgia for the adults, eccentricity for the kids.

The Genius!

3. The Genius

Yeah, it might be a bit trite in the wake of his brother's death, but really, Lanny Poffo coming back as the bombastically academic Genius would rule all kinds of ass. I think I'd be all about him trading witticisms with Santino. The interplay would be absolutely gut-busting.

4. The Blue World Order

Of course I'm all about getting some old ECW love up in here. The problem with that is that the old guard is either employed by TNA or they're decrepit. I mean have you seen Raven lately? The bWo, in addition to being one of my favorite acts by far of the late '90s, has the luxury of having its members somewhat well put together. Stevie Richards is in amazing shape. Blue Meanie is a pretty decent indie movie star. Nova... well I don't know about Nova. Why would they come back? I don't know, but I'd love to see them take over an episode of RAW to hawk another ECW DVD or something of that ilk.

5. Perry Saturn

He has a crazy face tattoo and spent years in hiding, but isn't that the kind of return that would be the most shocking? I mean, no one knew where Lita was when she came back, so when she showed up next to Pee Wee Herman, well, yeah, it was a poignant moment. Saturn would be the same thing. Plus, MOPPY!

6. Todd Pettengil

Seriously, no one would make me lose my shit if he showed up backstage at RAW more than Pettingil. I don't feel like I need to explain this.

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!

Instant Feedback: No Pillow Fights

I'll give them credit. They could have made the Divas match between Kelly Kelly and Nikki Bella a fluff match, like a pillow fight or a song and dance. They didn't. IT was a submission match. Could it be that maybe they're serious about treating the Divas like women and not silicone and smiles? Well, most of them would have to learn how to work, but it's a start.

That being said, I was rooting so hard for a pillow fight to show up during one of the men's matches. I mean, pro wrestling is a bit homoerotic as it is. It would have been fucking hilarious if Kane and CM Punk hit each other with pillows, although I wouldn't have put it past Punk to load up a pillowcase with doorknobs. IT would have been awesome.

Either way, though, this was a pretty dull show with some good moments. Again, Mark Henry wrecking shit was a big high point in the show. Seriously, give this man a title match and a couple of weeks tossing Randy Orton through tables and into guard rails. I'd buy that PPV in a heartbeat, even if it was one of the lesser PPVs like Bragging Rights, Wrestling Match or Contract Signing. Is it that much to ask? I also marked a bit at WCW-o-Rama going on, with Booker T, Rey Mysterio and DDP all in the same segment, being joined with the only major player not to work for WCW during those days, Shawn Michaels. Speaking of HBK, I thought he and Punk had a GREAT back and forth to start the show.

But it wasn't all good this week. Ziggler and Kofi are running out of story to tell without help from creative. The Sin Cara/Evan Bourne match was okay, but it felt a bit stunted and somewhat sloppy. Again, Jerry Lawler gets to make fat jokes at Vickie Guerrero.

But then again, it all comes back to Punk, doesn't it? It does. The pseudo-shoot promo to end the show was brilliant. Holy fuck, was it brilliant. The only thing that would have made it better is if he had a Troll Face mask on. Brilliant. Youtube this shit if you can. If you missed RAW... holy shit.

This is 2011's Nexus moment.

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!

Booker T and the Case of Unmitigated Nostalgia

Spinaroonis in stereo
Photo Credit: WWE.com

So, Booker T got back into a WWE ring for the first time since the Royal Rumble and the first time in a singles match in what, five years? He defeated Jack Swagger after the All-American American American American American American American American American American got himself intentionally counted out, but the result of the match really was immaterial to me. The fact that he wrestled again is what counts here. Well, that and that he and Evan Bourne did a Spinarooni in the middle of the ring after the match. That was pretty cool.

I guess I'm just glad to see Book back in WWE. OF all the guys that went to TNA, Booker to me seemed like the guy who fit in the least. I don't care if you think he's annoying on commentary on Smackdown, I love it. And I loved seeing him in the ring Monday. SUCKA!

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!

Bret Hart Goes Full Circle

Closure? If it is... good for him.
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Via Bret Hart's Facebook

Someone noted that Bret Hart started out his career as a referee on Twitter Monday, and then I saw that on his Facebook page. I thought it was a pretty neat thing. I have to wonder if it's closure on his career. IF so, then yeah, I'd say it's well done. For awhile there, I never thought that the Hitman would be able to get the chance to put this denouement on his career. The motorcycle accident and then the subsequent stroke made things really scary for awhile, and it would have turned the Hart family from a Greek tragedy into a bad horror film.

But he survived and over the years, he and Vince McMahon were able to reconcile. So now, he's able to take his bow. It feels good, and I think him coming out and just having fun in his later years now is something that is painted in stark contrast to the untimely passing of Randy Savage. This is what we wanted for the Macho Man too. Sadly, it's something we'll never get for him, something we're all trying to come to grips with.

But while we're sad for Savage, I think the perfect lesson here is that we should cherish every moment that we have with our surviving legends, especially Bret Hart since we just had a good, Legends moment with him on Monday.

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!

Warrior's Tribute to Randy Savage

As much as Randy Savage was a part of the good ol' days in wrestling, so too was the Ultimate Warrior. The two had an in-ring history with each other, and Warrior had a lot to say about his friend's passing. I know that he's had a history of being wacky and downright hateful, delusional or despicable over the last decade or so, but this tribute really hit hard for me because I've never seen him so humble or wistful. Like many others, Randy Savage had a profound effect on his life. He shares some stories mixed in with some commentary on how the business changed as well. He recounts the coffee-drinking matches he and Savage would have, and remarks on Savage's handshake. It's pretty weird to see a guy like Warrior on the verge of tears, but hey, if the Macho Man could have that much of an effect on us, the fans, Randy Poffo the person probably had a hundredfold greater impact on his peers and friends.

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Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!

Can't forget about the TGIF lineup.

Fact of the matter is, unless you're an absolutely uncommon pre-teen, on Friday nights you were usually in the house around 8 parked in front of the rear projection boob tube to watch TGIF.  You all know what I'm talking about.  Corey and Tepenga, Steve Urkel and Laura Winslow, Will and Lisa.  It's really too bad kids these days don't have the same quality programing to tune into as my generation did. Maybe that's why they are all sucking members and running into store fronts while texting and driving.  Fact: quality pre-teen to young adult programing can posi+ively influence the actions of an entire generation in a beneficial manner.  Tell me these theme songs don't bring you down memory lane:

If you can't sing the words to this song what does that say about you? Here's my take: You are a jabrony.

My first real crush was Tepenga. Such big cans, great proportion

When I was a kid we walked to school up hill both ways.

I was flicking through the stations last week and I came across a show that in many ways defined my childhood:

Children's television must be so hard to write.  The scripts are obviously written by "grown ups" who have to have a very vivid imagination.  I picture Mr. Rogers sitting beside Mr. dress up and scheming on how they are going to depict a nativity scene that will teach kids not to litter while still having a fun time treking to the grabage can 10 feet away.  It's a tough sell but these shows still manage to instill morals in kids and parent them.  Here are a couple other shows that bring back such vivid memories from my childhood.

Did I miss anything or have I covered all the bases of the GOOD cartoons from my era???

Throwback Thursdays. Installment #2.

This last video is simply because of the BOOTY.

RIP Nate Dogg. Regulatorssssss, Mount UP.

As you may have heard Nate Dogg passed away today at the age of 41.
There is no cause of death being reported yet but the hook machine who makes bangers rattle had had a stroke in 2007 and 2008.  Nate Dogg was a swooning beast who could make the most gangster shit sound soft and cuddly.  Breezies sing along to his jams without even realizing what they were belting while dancing in a circle with their friends drinking white wine spritzers.

 Here are a couple of my favorite Nate Dogg features. What R ur favorite Nate Dogg jams???

How it all got Started.

So as you may already be aware I like rap music. You can't chose to like something, especially with music.  Your ear choses music for you.  It was tough for me as an awkward teen to tell people when they enquired what I was listening to.  As a well off white boi from the suburbs people kind gaff when you tell them your bumping the
10 Crack commandments by BIGGIE.  My affinity for rap began early with Will Smith but was taken to the level it currently resides @ by the Notorious BIG.  In 1998 I was 12 years old when my parents purchased me the MuchDance compilation that comes out every year.  The first track on the CD was Hypnotize.  I remember getting up early, like really early, as I tended to do on my birthday because I thoroughly enjoied receiving gifts.  I put the cd in my discman and I must have played the song on repeat 20 times in a row.  My love affair with rap was born and our relationship is stronger than ever.  March 9th marked the 14 year anniversary of the late great Notorious B.I.G.'s death.  Enjoi Hypnotize, Coogi sweaters, reverse car chases and obviously, HO's.

Daily Clip---> Get your summer fix, Who doesn't miss old school Will Smith?

To the new known associates, if you don't love Will Smith, stop associating with What up? What's happening?  Just joking, but seriously.  Keep your eyes peeled for everything new and everything nostalgic.