Alberto del Rio Is Only Telling You Things You Already Knew

Baaaaaht... chu already knew that
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Hey, did any of those backstage segments with Alberto del Rio look familiar to you last night? Y'know, the ones where he was going up to Christian and Wade Barrett and Dolph Ziggler and trying to get them to do his dirty work against John Cena? If they didn't, let me introduce you to Sean O'Haire...





In case you missed it for that short time back in the early Aughts, O'Haire was telling people what they already knew, much like del Rio did last night. He was an Internet favorite who really didn't get the juice that other guys at the time were getting, and his character (and eventually job) was scrapped. Shame, because it could have been something. Then again, was he doomed to fail from start? He was saying things that would have made him very popular with crowds, but what was his endgame? He really wasn't programmed with anyone to start, and no one had a real reason to like or dislike him other than the stuff he was saying. Having interesting things to say is good in wrestling, but I think emotional attachment is needed, and in wrestling, conflict equals attachment.

That's where I thought WWE succeeded with del Rio. If you remember back to his debut vignettes, they had somewhat of a similar vibe to them. However, when he debuted, instead of just talking to people without really getting any kind of conflict going, bam, he attacked Rey Mysterio. Simple, to the point and right there, the crowds started to attach themselves to del Rio as someone they hated rather than some guy who was persuasive with no real conflict attached. Furthermore, when del Rio was going around playing the devil's advocate to Christian, Barrett and Ziggler, it wasn't just for jollies like when he convinced Dawn Marie to flash or Brian Kendrick to streak. It was to further his own agenda, to have minions of sorts to soften up John Cena for Night of Champions.

To that end, WWE finally got that character archetype right. While Sean O'Haire was telling people things that they already knew for no apparent reason other than hey, he found it amusing, del Rio is using that manipulation to further his rep as an evil genius. Conflict is key, and storyline progression, even if it's entertaining, is only going to be effective if there's an endgame. While it may have screwed over O'Haire back in 2003, at least another intriguing character type has now been proven effective and can provide some sort of variety to the cast of characters in a company that needs to have it to reach its full potential.

Mission Accomplished!: How Zack Ryder Became a DIY Huge Star

Zack Ryder, searching for this week's Broski of the Week?
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Zack Ryder finally arrived last night.

After months and months of rallying the WWE fans to put pressure on the company to give the man more of a platform to shine, Ryder got his ultimate reward in a video package, a spotlight position in a tag match as Jerry Lawler's partner against the Newish Nexus, badgering from Michael Cole and the pinfall victory with his finisher. Unlike other darlings of the Internet, Ryder did all this to massive applause. Those cheers have been there since the Long Island RAW where Ryder wasn't to be seen anywhere but on Superstars, and finally the attention from the front office has caught up to the fan reaction.

The biggest thing that this proves is that maybe, just maybe, WWE is wising up to the fact that it's not just "their" vision that creates stars. Ryder was unhappy with the amount of time on TV he had and the lack of merchandise that was being made for him, so he made a Youtube show and built a grassroots rapport with fans who already were supporting him from having watched him on ECW. Those fans spread the word, and Ryder himself found his coworkers who already liked him and what he was doing becoming more and more vocal about him needing more time to shine. Suddenly, Ryder had a groundswell of emotional investment that manifested itself through Dolph Ziggler after he did not appear on the main RAW telecast in his hometown. The "boys" and the fans have been two groups of people whose opinions really only seemed to matter when they fell in line with what WWE wanted to present recently. While there seems to be a sea change in that kind of thinking that has manifested itself through CM Punk, the Divas of Doom, Christian and even Mark Henry, Ryder still stands out as the starkest example of how DIY can work in WWE.

Don't make any mistakes either judging his rise, because it was as do-it-yourself as you could get in the corporate machine of WWE nowadays. I think that's what makes his rise the most satisfying out of anyone's right now. He saw an opportunity to innovate how one builds character in WWE, seized it, and now, his hard work is paying off. Because of my own biases, my two favorite moments in WWE this year were both at Money in the Bank, when Daniel Bryan won his briefcase and CM Punk kissed Vince McMahon goodbye, but I think a solid third for me was last night, when Ryder got the pin with the Rough Ryder, got the crowd to explode and then got to stand with Lawler as victorious. It's a testament to how well Ryder has done for himself. He proved that the party line passed down by Steve Austin on Tough Enough and repeated by Warrior in his Randy Savage tribute as what used to be "back in the day" still works, no matter how much evidence there is right now to the contrary. If you make your own way, you will be rewarded.

For WWE to survive, I think that credo needs to be adopted by more than just Long Island Ice Z. Churning out mass-produced, dime-a-dozen bland bodybuilders isn't going to create new stars for fans to latch onto. Having guys show their creativity and get people to support them? Yeah, that's going to work. Granted, not everyone can be Ryder, but you won't know who the Ryders of the world are going to be until you give guys the platform to shine independent of the writing staff. Maybe this might mean that a guy like Johnny Curtis will be able to improv a bit instead of doing those lame visual pun segments. Maybe it means Dolph Ziggler will be able to express himself more than just through deferring to Vickie Guerrero. Maybe it means Colt Cabana gets a second chance with the company to right the wrong of his first run as Scotty Goldman. Who knows at this point.

But what I do know is that last night, Ryder finally was made and finally at least earned his spot with the company for as long as they'll have him. WWE could do something stupid like not feature him ever again, but at this point, why would they? The guy can be a huge star for them, and I think the treatment he got last night was indicative of the fact that they know he can be huge for them.

And that makes his run last night the most satisfying thing to happen on the entire telecast. I think it's safe to say that Zack Ryder has finally made it, and I couldn't be happier.

The Best Moves Ever: QuackenDriver III

I appreciate all wrestling moves and holds that look good. Submission wrestling is awesome, so awesome I created a tag and a failed social media movement for it. High-flying moves are spectacular to look at. However, as much as I love all those moves, my wheelhouse is, and always has been, head dropping moves. Granted, you don't see them as often anymore with concussion safety coming more and more into the minds of folks everywhere. I'm fine with that. Just leave the head drops in my video games and bust them out in key, sparing spots, and I'll still love 'em to death. For all his lucha libre wizardry, Mike Quackenbush's four finishing moves that bear his name, the Quackendriver suite, are all sublime head drops. I tried looking for IV, which was the closest one to my primary e-fed finisher, the Russian neck drop from WWF No Mercy, but I couldn't find an iso. Instead, here's Quackendriver III, an off-leg spinning fisherman's driver. It's still freaking awesome.

The Best Moves Ever: 3D

Of all the tag team finishers, there are probably two that battle for the most iconic in history. With apologies to fans of teams like the Rockers and Demolition, it comes down to the Road Warriors and the Dudley Boys. If your wheelhouse is in the '80s and early '90s, you're probably in the camp of the Roadies and their Doomsday Device. If your prime time as a fan was in the late '90s, then it's 3D. If your golden years as a wrestling fan is sometime in the last decade, you're probably asking yourself "What's a tag team?" Anyway, I like both moves, but if I had a gun to my head to pick, I'd probably go with 3D. IT just looks like it'd be more effective. Plus, as shown below, it's a lot easier to put someone through a table with it.

The Best Moves Ever: Air Bourne

A few people do or have done the shooting star press. It's a pretty move, maybe the happy medium between flippiness and impact. Some do it better than others. I've said it before, and I'll say it again though: Man, I love being a turtle Evan Bourne's variant of it is form-perfect. Love it. Here it is.

The Best Moves Ever: Cattle Mutilation

If you don't know that I'm a huge fan of Bryan Danielson by now, then you'll never, never ever know me, NO YOU WON'T... err, I mean, well, I'm a huge Bryan Danielson fan. He's got a vast array of submission holds even now as a member of WWE, but there's one that he left behind in the indies for whatever reason. It's very much his signature hold, and even if it's not the most effective looking move of the lot, it's definitely the most impressive looking one. Its technical name may be the grounded bridging double chicken wing, but you and I both know it as Cattle Mutilation.

The Best Moves Ever: KTFO Punch

Continuing with the theme from last night's Six Pack, here's maybe the simplest finishing move in WWE, but probably also the best. There's nothing fancy about Big Show punching dudes in the grill, but would you want his giant ham hock of a hand careening at you in a fight? If the answer is yes, then you have balls of steel. Here's maybe the best sell-job of that punch, by Heath Slater at WrestleMania, in Youtube form now instead of .gif form.

Highspots Have Come to Amateur Wrestling

Long has the sport of amateur wrestling influenced the artform of professional wrestling. Just look at guys like Rick Steiner, Kurt Angle and even now, Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger. But the staged thing could never inform the real thing, right? Right?



In all seriousness though, that is one majorly athletic move there. I'm even more impressed that he was able to get him in a mock Karelin lift out of it as well.

Video found by TWB superfan chus!

My Favorite Wrestlers Ever: #1

Photo Credit: WWE.com

What, you were expecting Jey Uso?

Chris Jericho
Five Favorite Matches: with He Who Shall Not Be Named vs. Triple H and Steve Austin on RAW in June May 2001, vs. The Rock at Vengeance 2001, vs. Shawn Michaels at WrestleMania XIX, vs. John Cena on RAW from England in 2009, vs. Edge at WrestleMania XXVI
Five Favorite Moments: Naming all 1004 of his holds on Nitro, verbally sparring with The Rock upon his debut, Unifying the WWF and WCW Championships at Armageddon 2001, that video he did with Delirious at the West Virginia indie show, punching Shawn Michaels' wife in the face

My fandom of Chris Jericho started innocently enough during an episode of Hardcore TV. He was defending his ECW Television Championship against Pitbull #2. It wasn't exactly the best match, mainly because #2 wrestled like he was a #2, but there was something about the guy with the long blond mane and the rockstar charisma that made me curious, and curiously enough, made me a fan of ECW from that day forward. I kept tuning back into ECW hoping to find Jericho, but he was gone to WCW by that time. Being a WWF fan, I only really nominally watched WCW back in those days, which sucked for me because I did miss out on a lot of good first-run Jericho. But I still got enough of a whiff of him there that when he debuted in the WWF in mid-1999, I was excited.

It didn't take very long for that excitement to turn into a full-blown mancrush, one that lasts until this day. Every time he held a microphone in his hand, he made sparks fly. That was a maxim from day one, when he came out, confronted The Rock and held his own with the WWF's most established mic worker, maybe the best in history. From there, he kept going and made himself must-see, even when he was saddled with shit to work with (see, co-Intercontinental Champions with Chyna). He got the crowds riled up on the stick, and then in the ring, he'd deliver with exciting fare that gave the WWF a taste of what he, along with his cruiserweight colleagues, did largely to no due from his bosses in WCW.

While screaming hordes of fans will tell you otherwise, Jericho was way more appreciated by his bosses in WWF/E than he was in WCW. Yes, everyone will tell you that he was buried, or that he was misused. Looking back at it, he was the guy who unified the titles. He had blazing hot feuds with The Rock and John Cena. When he came back after his three year hiatus, he won six more titles, was in showcase feuds with Shawn Michaels, Cena, Batista and Edge. He was given incredible free reign on the microphone, and he'll probably end up in the WWE Hall of Fame unless he murders someone or shits on Vince's shoes or something. I think that's a pretty good career, even if he had a couple of feuds where they totally did him ZERO favors (the one with Triple H going into WrestleMania X-8 being the biggest example).

To harp on him always being "buried" is to denigrate his career contributions, especially in some of those cases (his first WWE exit at the hands of John Cena being the most famous example), it was HIS idea to be "humiliated". You want to remember him for being treated badly? Go ahead, but that's not how I choose to remember him. He's my favorite of all time, not because he was a trendy cause celebre, but because the man was, and when he comes back, still is, one of the most entertaining personalities and gifted ring generals of all-time.

He shoots holes in the theory that wins and losses and Championships define a wrestler. Yeah, that may be moot now with his six World Championships, nine (NINE!) Intercontinental Championships, several tag titles and other accolades, but do you think people will define him by the titles he won? I mean, when Triple H comes before the carpet for his all-time judgment, you know one of the first things that'll be put in his plus column will be the 14 World Titles. For Jericho, I bet a thousand bucks it'll be the ARMBAR promo. Or going back and forth with The Rock. Or to use a later example, giving Shawn Michaels' wife a severe case of accidental (?) sockjaw at SummerSlam in 2008. He's the guy who will be remembered as the performer, not necessarily for his dick length in titles and achievements.

That's why Jericho is my favorite ever. That's why, until King of Trios this year, Jericho's t-shirt was the only one that I'd ever owned. It's because he got what pro wrestling should be about, and he embodied it (and will continue to embody it eventually, once he's done being a rock star for the time being). For that, I thank Y2J for being awesome, for being the Ayatollah of Rock 'n Rollah and for deciding that hey, being a wrestler was the career choice for him.

The Full List
1. Chris Jericho
2. Steve Austin
3. The Rock
4. Austin Aries
5. Hulk Hogan
6. Bret Hart
7. Bryan Danielson
8. Eddie Guerrero
9. Randy Savage
10. Dusty Rhodes
11. Tommy Dreamer
12. Claudio Castagnoli
13. Davey Boy Smith
14. Christian
15. Roddy Piper
16. The Road Warriors
17. Stevie Richards
18. Jim Duggan
19. Ted DiBiase
20. The Miz
21. CM Punk
22. Yokozuna
23. Booker T
24. UltraMantis Black
25. Kurt Angle

The Very European Beginning of the End?: Chikarasaurus Rex Preview

Quack. Claudio. One Last Time.

Chikarasaurus Rex: King of Sequel, is a two day event which will cap off what has been an excellent month in professional wrestling. Saturday's card takes place in Reading, PA at the Goodwill Fire Hall on 100 Madison Avenue (doors open at 6:30 PM) . Sunday's event will be in Philadelphia, at the former ECW Arena at Swanson and Ritner (doors open at 3:30 PM). Both cards will be known for their guest stars, and have gained a sort of accord because of them. Granted, Mima Shimoda, Johnny Kidd, Portia Perez, two imports from the Ice Ribbon promotion in Japan, Adam Cole, El Generico, Colt Cabana and of course, Johnny freaking Saint, would be enough to sell anyone on going to one or both of the shows.

Hell, I was already going to the Philly show, and thanks to a series of fortunate turns in events, I'm more than likely heading to Reading as well, mainly because I'm a Chikara fanatic and go to every Philly show possible. But even so, the two English legends of Saint and Kidd were huge selling points for me. Not only am I huge into English chain wrestling, but they're both William Regal approved. Who better to give his stamp to guys you may never have seen before than the surly English legend?

However, there is another reason, one that has nothing to do with Chikara storylines or happenings (but at the same time, everything), why people need to go to these shows. Night one has a match between Claudio Castagnoli and Mike Quackenbush. Yeah, that may not sound all that special right now, because they've had several matches against each other over the last decade. They're inexorably linked, especially given the events of 2010, with Quack leading the Chikara faithful against Claudio's charging Germanic invaders, the BDK. Tomorrow night's match takes on a more wistful tinge given that Claudio, along with his tag team partner Chris Hero, are reputed to be on their way to WWE.

That makes this match between the two titans of the indie world perhaps their final encounter ever. That puts a much different spin on things than when this match was originally charted out as part of the 12 Large Summit. Nominally, Claudio would come into this match as the mega bad guy, and Quack as the protector of all that was good. He'd stand as a barrier between the evil Swiss evildoer and the honor of being called the first ever Chikara Campeon del Mundo. With the specter of Claudio leaving, this match might become the first of a prolonged farewell tour from the indies for the King of Wrestling. What better opponent to kick that tour off with than his longtime rival and colleague in Quack?

Of course, there are any number of things that could demean everything I'm writing here. Quackenbush could always join Claudio in WWE (highly unlikely). Claudio may end up back in the indies after a year for whatever reason (more likely). I mean, remember the last time he was signed by Stamford? He didn't even make it to developmental before he got his future endeavor well-wish. Of course though, I have more of an optimistic view on this, and I seriously want Claudio and Hero to succeed at the next level. They more than deserve it.

So, it's with that in mind that I write this match off as a very special occasion. Hell, the match the next night in Philly, Claudio taking on his BDK partner and stablemate everywhere else in the indies Sara del Rey in another 12 Large Summit match. Honestly, I'm not sure why WWE didn't take del Rey as part of a package deal with the Kings, since with the signing of Kharma and the extension of Divas matches beyond the normal 20 seconds, they seem to be serious about pushing women's wrestling as more than time filler. Still, that's the card she's been dealt. This match to me was a big deal before Claudio's rumored leaving was even an option. Now? Well, there may just be an electric atmosphere in The Arena, way more electric than any match between two BDK members ever would have been before now.

That isn't to say the weekend is all about Claudio. Again, the lineup is stacked. Saint and Kidd will go 30 minutes in six separate five-minute rounds on Saturday; Sunday, Saint will team up with Quack and Kidd with Cabana to provide obvious Match of the Year candidate bait. The fact that Shimoda will follow in the footsteps of Manami Toyota is a huge deal in and of itself. Quack is serious about giving the fans of America a proper Joshi education, and for that, he deserves some major props. Team 3.Ole reforming for two matches over the weekend is music to my ears.

And hell, maybe the most entertaining part of the weekend could very well be the culmination of the Flex Express. Green Ant has been on a mission, and although it wasn't a mission from God like it was for Jake and Elwood, it was handed down from Lady Liberty and from the person whose original run in 1993 inspired this whole story:


(Go to 2:50 on the video to start)

Yep, that's right, Lex Freaking Luger is on board with the Flex Express. That. Is. Awesome. If you don't know, well, Greenie has been out to take down Tursas. He body slammed the Finnish Warlord at King of Trios en route to the Colony defeating the BDK in the second round of the tournament. He's been on a tour of America (and oddly enough, Canada too), and now he's ready to be the first man to levy a pinfall loss on Tursas in a singles match… ever?

The fact that the culmination of the Flex Express may only be the third or fourth biggest thing going down this weekend shows you that Chikara doesn't screw around when it comes to building up its events. Believe you me, this is an event. IF you're anywhere in the greater Philadelphia area this weekend, come on down to Reading or Swanson and Ritner (or both) and partake. You seriously won't be disappointed with the English legends, the Joshi standouts or the patriotic young ant looking to slay a monster.

But most of all, you'll get the chance to be there for the start of something special, the beginning of a farewell tour for one of the cornerstones of Chikara. I'd say that's worth the trip.

Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein - Please visit his site to view the plentiful amounts of pictures he's taken for DGUSA, ROH and other indie feds: Get Lost Photography

My Favorite Wrestlers Ever: #2

Photo Credit: WWE.com

"Stone Cold" Steve Austin
Three Favorite Matches: vs. Bret Hart at WrestleMania 13, vs. The Rock at WrestleMania X-7, with Triple H vs. Chris Jericho and He Who Shall Not Be Named on RAW in June 2001
Three Favorite Moments: "Austin 3:16 says I just whupped your ass!", defeating Shawn Michaels for the WWF Championship at WrestleMania XIV, supermarket brawl with Booker T

Brandon Stroud is going to mock me for this, but I was barely aware of Steve Austin before he came to the WWF. When I was younger, all I knew about WCW was that Ric Flair wrestled there regularly and that Hulk Hogan took the money and ran there when the steroid shit hit the fan, but apparently, Austin was doing some really killer stuff with Brian Pillman and Ricky Steamboat and even Flair himself. So, it stands to reason that maybe I'd have enjoyed that run and appreciated him more if I was a viewer of WCW in those days.

That being said, the guy is #2 on my list of favorite wrestlers ever with me only having seen his run in the WWF, so you know he meant something to me. He was the guy who singlehandedly kept my interest in wrestling until Rocky came into his own, making the WWF must-watch at the main event level while Vince Russo did his best to shit up the undercard with bullshit weaksauce worked shoots that tried to capitalize on the worked shoot stuff that Austin was using to make himself THE MOTHERFUCKING MAN. He had an attitude, hell, he embodied Attitude, and for that, he helped make the WWF a boatload of money, but more importantly, he helped entertain me. That's far more important in my book.

You gotta understand something about me back in the late '90s. I was a bookish nerd, a devout Catholic who listened to everything his high school theology teachers told him, and always wondered about why people broke rules and why people just couldn't live under the letter of the law. I dare say that when Austin broke out, he started to change my world view, because what he was doing was so fucking cool. I wanted to be cool. I wanted to latch onto the cool guy, so in a way, Austin made me the person I am today, a guy who isn't really afraid to question authority or wonder if the world might be a better off place with a little bit of chaos here and there. It may sound pretentious, but I don't give a shit. It's all true.

And on top of that, it's hard not to admire a guy who could back it up in the ring. I mean, Hogan was all well and good and all, but his matches were very limited at times. Yeah, it was the role he was asked to play, but there comes a time when it gets old seeing Hogan go up against giant, immobile guys who can't move, especially when the Intercontinental and Tag Title scenes were so fresh, athletic and vibrant. With Austin, he was following in the footsteps of maybe the most athletic top guys in WWF history to that point, Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels. He didn't come along and replace them as much as he shattered their auras as "the guy", but he also didn't do it by doddering around like Hogan either. Even after he had gotten hurt at the hands of an accidental botched piledriver by Owen Hart, Austin still was able to work some really good, really fun brawls against guys like Triple H, Mick Foley and The Rock.

So there it stands, my fandom for Steve Austin still remains at a fever pitch, especially to the point where if he came back for one more match, I may just lose my shit, especially if that match is against CM Punk, which is something that everyone is hoping happens. I'm never going to forget Austin's impact on my life or on my viewing habits as a wrestling fan. And who knows, one of these days, maybe I'll seek out his WCW and ECW runs and grow to appreciate him even more. Maybe that'll get B-Stroud off my back.

The Best Moves Ever: Slingshot Sitdown Powerbomb

You ever see something and go "DAMN, that's one of the best things I've ever seen" right away? I had one of those moments Monday night. During the EXCELLENT Miz/Mysterio match, there was one spot that jumped out at me right away as one of the top moves I've ever seen. A slingshot sitdown powerbomb, executed perfectly, bumped perfectly... just AAAAAAWESOME.

Wrestling Six Packs: Best WWE Theme Songs Right Now

Punk just doesn't have bad theme songs
Photo Credit: WWE.com

So, CM Punk just debuted a new theme song, presumably, that is. I love "Cult of Personality", and I think it fits him as a theme song, although I wouldn't put it in the top 6 of theme songs in WWE right now. Which ones would I? I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK. NOTE: Of course, number one would have been Edge, but he retired, so he's disqualified.


1. Alberto del Rio



I don't know what it is about the mariachi theme, but it's so well done. Maybe it's that I don't expose myself to a lot of mariachi/Mexican brass. Maybe it's because it fits del Rio so much. Maybe I'm just a sucker for a good horn section. I don't know. But this is my favorite theme in WWE right now.

2. CM Punk/Killswitch Engage



Let's get it out of the way right now. "Cult of Personality" is the better song, no matter what my Twitter followers may say. However, I think this song fits Punk better. I don't know, it might be my Pavlovian reflexes kicking in, just hearing that opening riff and thinking, damn, Punk's gonna come out and yell "IT'S CLOBBERIN' TIME", but yeah, "Cult" is going to take a little getting used to after hearing this one a million times and then some.

3. Beth Phoenix



Even if all the other Divas theme songs weren't utter rubbish, making this sound like the song Tenacious D wrote "Tribute" about, I'd still love this song. It has that really cool Mellotron-sounding keyboard intro that gives Phoenix that special aura that she has as the presently undisputed War Queen of the Divas (until Kharma gets back, that is). Then the guitar riff that comes up afterwards is just bad ass.

4. Sheamus



Is this song on here because it's become a meme? (Shameful thing lobster head, too many limes)... maybe. Despite it being a transparent attempt at marrying nü-metal with Irish conceits, I dig it, even if I wasn't shouting TOO MANY LIMES, TOO MANY LIMES at it.

5. Daniel Bryan



You don't mess with the classics. Bryan's theme song makes him the heir to Ric Flair (Also Sprach Zarathrusta) and Randy Savage (Pomp and Circumstance), and yet it gives him a different feeling than both of them. Ride of the Valkyries portends a storm coming, a wild, turbulent ride where you, the opponent, are in for hell. That, in a nutshell, explains the offensive attack of Bryan, whose rough and tumble dive-to-the-outside trappings coming into the pain brought by his submission array. Wow, I just totally got all philosophical about a theme song.

6. Mark Henry



I just love a song that promises the splitting of wigs. I don't feel like I need to defend this choice.

My Favorite Wrestlers Ever: #4

Austin Aries
Three Favorite Matches: vs. Bryan Danielson on HDNet (10/19/09), vs. Tyler Black at the 8th Anniversary Show (an EPIC carry job), vs. Kid Kash and Jimmy Rave on Impact
Three Favorite Moments: Doing a crazy Indian dance night 1 of King of Trios 2009, cutting a promo on the live crowd during HDNet tapings, snagging his contract at the end of Destination X

A Double is the most recent addition to the top five. I'll fully admit that I didn't catch wind of him until 2009, but he was really the first guy at my first indie show that made an impact on me as a fan. It was the start of a beautiful relationship between wrestler and fan. The next time I saw him, he was ROH Champion, walking out to Ric Flair's theme song, eviscerating the crowd at HDNet tapings. He was laying into me, and I didn't care. I was smitten, in a total fan way of course.

There has never been a time where I've seen Aries, on camera or in person, where I wasn't impressed beyond all impression. Even when he was on his way out of ROH (and he knew it too) and had to put over the newly heeled Roderick Strong even though Aries had been a heel for the last two years himself, he put on an impressive show. The guy just does everything well. He's the most eviscerating promo I've ever heard. Him with a microphone in his hand is rivaled by few. He knows how to chew scenery and to be a background character when need be. His first Impact back with the company this year, he not only wrestled in the match of the night, but he was a big part of one of the funniest segments in the show without really saying a word past the point when Eric Young came into the scene.

But the wrestling... the guy gets it. He knows not only how to employ a large workrate and do FLIPZ, but he knows how to make a match a show. Whenever he was wrestling in ROH, it was like he was auditioning to go to WWE, which made him stand out above nearly every other wrestler there, save a few exceptions.

A colleague of mine once said that it's easy to like Aries because he'll never make it to WWE, and thus can never really be considered a back-stabbing sell out. I'm not really the kind of fan who cares about that thing, so Aries never making it to WWE vexes me. He deserves to be there. He's more talented than half the current roster, especially many of the guys they bring up from FCW with no seasoning.

But hey, I guess there's always the chance that Impact blows up huge while he's there, and he's a reason for it. That way, he can succeed and get his day in the sun. He deserves it, and hey, I want to see him every week.

Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein - Please visit his site to view the plentiful amounts of pictures he's taken for DGUSA, ROH and other indie feds: Get Lost Photography

My Favorite Wrestlers Ever: #5

Photo Credit: WWE.com

Hulk Hogan
Three Favorite Matches: vs. Andre the Giant at WrestleMania III, vs. Sgt. Slaughter at WrestleMania VII and vs. The Rock at WrestleMania X-8
Three Favorite Moments: Bodyslamming Andre the Giant, Vanquishing Yokozuna at WrestleMania IX, Joining the nWo at Bash at the Beach 1996

Prayers, vitamins, Hulkamania. These were staples for any wrestling fan in the Northeast or anywhere in the country outside of NWA/WCW country in the 1980s. It's true, I was a Hulkamaniac growing up, and in many ways I am. The wild spirit of that larger-than-life, statuesque blond bomber is the one that I try to remember now, because for all his faults, for all the backstage machinations and the overblown interviews and the blaming of the fans for WCW and the hobbling around past his prime in Impact, he still had one of the biggest hands in making me the wrestling fan that I am today.

Yeah, he wasn't a great worker in the sense that I look for today. That was Bret Hart and Mr. Perfect and all those guys. Hogan could work in the way that he could hold the audience in the palm of his hand₁. That's what he was called upon to do. He was meant to fight the bad guys, be they foreign or just dicks. He was supposed to take a beating, shrug it off as he hulked up, threw up the big boot and dropped the leg. And you know what? I ate that shit up.

And that's how I choose to remember Hulk Hogan, at least the good Hulk Hogan. It's hard to like the Hogan who rages on Twitter or bumbles through segments on Impact. Very hard. But the thing is, that embarrassment doesn't do anything to take away my enjoyment of watching his classic clips. That's the sign of someone who's had that much of an effect on you.

1 - Hogan actually was a good worker in technical terms too. Look up some of his Japanese stuff.

Bryan Danielson's Using Social Media and He's Out to GETCHA, RAWR

Yep, Bryan Danielson, aka Daniel Bryan, has a Youtube page and a new website. As the video above states, he's out to BURY people...

...haha, yeah, I got a big kick out of that vid. He's got such a dry, subtly sarcastic sense of humor. It's great. I'm glad to see him branch out a little more. Maybe he'll guest on Z! True Long Island Stories in a big Youtube crossover? One can only hope. Hopefully, he can use all this as a groundswell to get more and more support so by the time WrestleMania rolls around, he'll blow the roof off the top of Sun Life Stadium in Miami (FUCKING MIAMI)... wait, what do you mean it already doesn't have a roof? Damn.

Weekend Wrap-Up: Gregory Iron, Household Name

- On a weekend where arguably the best indie promotion not on television had its anniversary event with a big title change, the biggest news of the weekend came not from Southern California but from Berwyn, IL and AAW. As I noted on here, CM Punk came to their show Saturday and cut a promo putting over one Gregory Iron (not on WWE as was originally reported). Here's the video:

Iron, man!
Photo Credit: Lyle C. Williams

That is some classy, classy stuff right there. I had no idea that Iron suffered from cerebral palsy. That's awesome that he's wrestling at all given his condition. It's also awesome that Punk did that promo for Iron. As for the show, the big promo came after Iron and Colt Cabana lost a tag match to the Awesome Threesome. Also on the card, Michael Elgin took out Brent B, Arik Cannon defeated Jimmy Jacobs, and Silas Young regained the AAW Heavyweight Championship with a 2 falls to 1 win over Dan Lawrence.

- Speaking of new Champions, PWG has a new World Titleholder, and it's not Chris Hero either. Kevin Steen won the title, defeating Champ Claudio Castagnoli to regain the strap, this after having wrestled two other matches that evening. Talking about being an iron man. This is a great move, I think, as PWG has always struck when the iron is hot, this being yet another example of that. IT was also Claudio's second match of the evening, as he had defeated Hero one-on-one in the match before his loss. Steen defeated PAC in the opener and teamed with CIMA to defeat the Young Bucks in a grudge tag match. Also on the card saw Roderick Strong and Alex Shelley defeat Ricochet and El Generico, and the RockNES Monsters taking out Joey Ryan and Scorpio Sky.

- El Hijo del Bamboo is your Burger King of the Ring, crowned Saturday in Danbury at the latest Interspecies Wrestling Show. He defeated Frankie Arion in the final. The tournament also featured Pinkie Sanchez, Player Uno and a guy named Lloyd Cthulowitz. Oddly enough, Llody Cthulowitz is my new favorite name in all of wrestling. Also on the card, Twiggy defeated Eddie Kingston in a No DQ match.

- Finally, it seems the Osirian Portal cannot catch a break as Ophidian dropped a blog today stating that his jaw has been wired shut and he'll be out for a month or so. Damn, given Amasis' recent retirement, I guess that's a fleshwound comparatively speaking, but it still sucks. The Egyptian time travelers can't catch a break, can they? Someone wrap Hieracon in cellophane! In all seriousness, here's hoping for a speedy recovery for the Venomous and Vile Serpent from the Nile.

Know Your Indie Wrestlers: RD Evans/Archibald Peck

*NOTE: No DVR Report this week. Sorry folks :(

The Drumline Daddy

Who: Robert D. Evans (most feds)/Archibald Peck (Chikara)
Also Known As: The Barrister of the Embassy, The Essence of Excellence, The Winnipeg Wonder, Drumline Daddy
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 198 lbs.
Hometown: Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada

Promotions: ROH, ACW, Chikara, PCW

Affiliations: In Chikara as Archibald Peck, he pals around with the lovely Veronica as his flag girl. In ROH, he's the Barrister of the Embassy, around to make sure that folks like Homicide don't do bad things to his charges Mia Yim, Ernesto Osiris, Rhino, Tomasso Ciampa or Prince Nana. In ACW, he used to be affiliated with Portia Perez, albeit in disguise as a Robot, but that seemed to have been a ruse to get back at her.

Twitter: @Oh_Robert_Evans

Signature Moves:
Standing Blockbuster (on a wooden stage, no less)


Flying Headbutt


Accolades:

ACW U-30 Young Guns Championship (3x)
NWA Southwest Jr. Heavyweight Championship
PCW Cruiserweight Championship (3x)
PCW Uncut Championship
PCW Tag Team Championship (2x, unknown)

Promos:
Reintroducing The Embassy


Insomnia


All About RD Evans:

His Matches - I can't speak about his matches as Robert Evans in the Texas indies, mainly because they're so hard to come by and because no one gives them the play that they deserve nationally outside of Brandon Stroud, who's in the thick of things down there. That being said, good Lord, he's awesome in Chikara from a comedic heel standpoint. His matches are just a spectacle. It doesn't matter if they're technically proficient or not. They're preeminently engaging. He might be so likable that it's impossible to boo him.

His Character - For lack of a better term, he has a silver tongue. Every time he opens his mouth, he holds the audience in the palm of his hand. He's so engaging to the "smart" fan, and to the more "mark" fan, he can incite a riot. Honestly, he's one of the most dynamic personalities in wrestling. It's clear in that in two East Coast feds he's in, he plays two completely different characters. That's clutch.

Why You Should Know Him - I know that people like to think of "The Internet" as this hive-minded group of people that like all the same things and all the same people. Yet, just ask about John Cena. Hell, even ask about Chris Jericho. You get a bunch of different opinions. Of those who know about RD Evans, it's an almost unanimous consensus that this guy is special and is a star and should be in WWE at least as a manager. He's that good.

Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein - Please visit his site to view the plentiful amounts of pictures he's taken for DGUSA, ROH and other indie feds: Get Lost Photography

Some Real Fantasy Booking with CM Punk!

Punk, the conquering hero of SEVERAL realms!
Photo Credit: WWE.com

So, CM Punk may be unemployed right now, but he's still defending the WWE Championship. Monday, he announced an impromptu title defense against a very formidable Japanese challenger:

On my couch. About to put the title on the line against Piston Honda.

Okay, Hiroshi Tanahashi or any other New Japan star it wasn't but hey, that Honda Rush has taken out many an unwitting fighter. Just ask Little Mac. Anyway, we haven't gotten any spoilers on whether that match was a success for Punk or not (WHERE ARE THE DIRTSHEET REPORTERS WHEN YOU FUCKING NEED THEM), but I can only assume it was a success since he was seen with the title later that evening at Wrigley Field.

This begs the question, what other places will Punk show up to defend the title? We all thought that it would be ROH or NJPW or some other indie or foreign fed, but now, with this first title defense out of the way, it's time to start lining up some of his next defenses. Unless he shows up next week to interrupt the Miz/Rey match, then I'm guessing he's out for awhile, and while he deserves a vacation, I'm not so sure he can stay still for that long of a time. So, in the spirit of that first defense, here's some fantasy booking in the truest sense of the word fantasy...

- First defense, Punk vs. Mario in a Mushroom Kingdom Madness match, which is like a Falls Count Anywhere match using warp pipes to go to the different areas. It's set up in a tag match between Punk and Mario against Bowser and Jimmy Jacobs, when Punk turns on the Italian plumber, disagreeing with his use of performance enhancing fungi. The match of course ends with Punk winning, hitting a Go to Sleep on Mario after distracting him by laying down some warp pipe on Peach.

- CM Punk vs. Tyrion Lannister. Not in a wrestling match, but in a contest to see who can slap the shit out of Joffrey the most.



That will never, ever get old.

- Harry Potter vs. Lord Voldemort. What does this have to do with Punk? Well, Harry's Petronus is Punk. The most powerful one there is, I might add.

- Punk vs. Chuck Norris in a battle to claim the outlandish meme. Punk quits, because he doesn't want to be associated with the lameness.

- Punk travels to the void to do battle with Randy Savage in a match that would make the Internet explode. Savage would obviously have the match won with the flying elbow, but as a courtesy to Punk, he gets himself disqualified because he has no need for mortal Championship belts in the afterlife. Plus, he prevented the fucking Rapture. That's all the recognition the Macho Man needs.

- Punk joins the cast of Next Food Network Star midseason. He wins the whole competition with his GTS Pizza, then has a three way with Rachael Ray and Giada de Laurentiis, using EVOO as the lubricant. Highest ratings in network history. Guy Fieri's head explodes, causing @DangerGuerrero to celebrate like the Rebel Alliance just blew up the Death Star outside of Endor.

- Punk visits the LOST island and wrestles the Smoke Monster to a time limit draw. Even fantasy characters from totally fictional TV shows have their political chicanery.

Yeah, so that's a lot of fantasy booking for one night. The possibilities are endless, almost infinite. There's just so much Punk can do before ending his vacation and coming back to claim his rightful throne as King BAMF of WWE.

NOTE: I was not on drugs during this post. I SWEAR.

Your Midweek Links: Money in the Bank and Harry Potter, A Decent Combo

Punk got a lot of people talking
Photo Credit: WWE.com

It's hump day, so here are some links to help get you through the rest of the week:

Self-Shilling:

- Me and Mike Meech of The Fightins discuss baseball, baseball, more baseball, cheesesteaks and the old WWF Ice Cream Bars on The Wrestling Podcast [Episode 11: Junkyard Doggystyle]

- Why I picked the RAW Money in the Bank match as my favorite this week at Fair to Flair [Your Match of the Week, 7/11-7/17]

Wrestling Links:

- The Masked Man welcomes us to the era of the worked shoot. [Grantland]

- A review of the latest offering from Anarchy Championship Wrestling [Dirty Dirty Sheets]

- John Cena proved to be money in the bank at Money in the Bank [Camel Clutch Blog]

- Meanwhile, CM Punk isn't lacking in hype and buzz himself now. [Kentucky Fried 'Rasslin']

- CM Punk and the day WWE changed for the better [On Wrestling]

- Razor's review of Money in the Bank [Kick-out!! Wrestling]

- Five Good Things about Money in the Bank [Grapple Kingdom]

- CM Punk is a prophet [I Ain't My Kitty Cat]

- Rachel Davies quotes Boston to describe her feelings about CM Punk [WrestleGasm]

- Andre Harrison's Money in the Bank review [The Harrison Analysis]

- Even The Smoking Section has a Money in the Bank review. That's how important Sunday was. [The Smoking Section]

- Some grounded words about MitB. [Wrestling Theory]

- Another live report from someone who went to MitB [Skalba's Scribe]

- I LOVE YOU POP [Fair to Flair]

- Jeff Hardy's drug trial will now drag on into September. At this rate, his case will be decided by a jury of apes presided over by Judge Dr. Zaius [Cageside Seats]

- Chavo Guerrero, Phony Maverick [Camel Clutch Blog]

- The trickle-down effect of Sin Cara's WWE suspension [Lucha Blog]

- Heath Slater, One Man Rock Band [PizzaBodySlam Tumblr]

- Chris Hero is an innovator in brutal-ass strike combos [Musings of a Mark]

- Smashing Pumpkins' latest music video, featuring Cheerleader Melissa and Shelly Martinez. [Diva Dirt]

- With Leather Triple Feature, Pt. 1 - 20 clips that deserve to go viral. I was there for the last one! Heavy does of Chikara here. [With Leather]

- With Leather Triple Feature, Pt. 2 - The Best and Worst of Money in the Bank 2011 [With Leather]

- With Leather Triple Feature, Pt. 3 - The Best and Worst of RAW for 7/18 [With Leather]

- Interview with Mr. Anderson saying that if he's still wrestling in five years, someone should shoot him. I say shoot him now because he's terrible. [Dover Post]

- Jake Roberts promo from World Class [South Atlanta Wrestling]

Jamie Dobson Interviews:

None this week

Non-Wrestling Links:

- Nine classic albums reimagined to theme with Harry Potter. [Next Movie]

- Speaking of The Boy Who Lived, here's a comic that will probably describe you during your viewing experience of The Deathly Hallows, Part 2 [Pants Are Overrated]

- And for those of you who like pervin' on Emma Watson... [Unreality Mag]

- Potter's not the only movie making waves though. Five new Captain America posters [Blast-o-Rama]

- But the US isn't the only country with its own national superhero [Buzz Feed]

- James Franco wanted to appear in Breaking Dawn for the best reason anyone would want to appear in those festering piles of suck other than "to get laid" [Film Drunk]

- I'd settle for just mega coach. [The Oatmeal]

- The US uses the Charlie Harper method for leaving Afghanistan [The Onion]

- Memo to Phillies fans on the ledge. Quitcherbitchin' [The Good Phight]

- Kid murder his parents, then parties afterwards. [Gawker]

- Poor dog just wanted some sleep. [Cool Dogs]

- A leopard on a rampage in India? Yep. [Uproxx]

- The ten worst losses in USA Sports history [Sports Pickle]

- This Virginia Trader Joe's really loves Parks and Recreation. [The Daily What]

- What Apple could learn from Google+ [Cult of Mac]

- Scariest handjob ever. [Deadspin]

- A sneak peek at the new Gredunza Press [Aggressive Art]

- SPIN Magazine paying tribute to Nirvana's Nevermind [The Smoking Section]

- Trollin' during SEC media day... [Every Day Should Be Saturday]

- Games that should have existed back in the day [Cracked]

- Unsilent Majority with the FJM treatment on a writer for my county's newspaper. I'm ashamed that this guy writes for a newspaper located within a mile or so of me [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

- If the NBA has a prolonged lockout, a look at the players who'd go overseas in the interim [Grantland]

- Okay, okay, it's technically a WL Quadruple Feature, but I couldn't resist posting this bike crash porn [With Leather]

- Miz Girl has a relative who goes to Giants games in Frisco [Big League Stew]

- The ten most bangable celebs in the world today. Somehow, they left AJ Lee off this list. Oh wait, I guess she'd have to be a REAL celebrity and just a celebrity to us wrestling nerds who like Divas who are just starting out in WWE and aren't really known by anyone but us. [Pajiba]

- Who greenlit the Captain Planet movie? Ugh... [Topless Robot]

- When Meech said that ZWR was a Picasso with MS Paint, this is the kind of thing he was referring to [Zoo With Roy]

- Aluminum material to make electric cars viable? As a nerd with his degree in Materials Science and Engineering from Drexel, I say awesome. ProTip: aluminum would make combustion cars a buttload more fuel efficient too (if you take care of the whole "way less sturdy" than steel problem it has) [Gamma Squad]

- Teach me how to Doug-ie [Skull Swap]

- A plea to Rupert Murdoch to take down ESPN. Well, he'd have to worry about News of the World taking him down and people throwing pies in his face before he did that now, wouldn't he? [Hugging Harold Reynolds]

- The Predators are at a crossroads with their three best players. [Puck Daddy]

- This video singlehandedly changed my negative opinion on Russians to a positive one. Epic Meal Time, you genius bastards. [Epic Meal Time]

- Florida State is back. It's true, each decade becomes big again 20 years after the fact [Dr. Saturday]

- This is irony. [Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal]

- Two important Season 2 roles cast for Game of Thrones [Warming Glow]

- And just because I can, last week's Corgi Friday, the best in hover corgis [Warming Glow]

- An animated short about Ryan Howard and Chase Utley: Best Friends [The 700 Level]

- Review of X-Men: Schism, Vol. 1 [Comic Books and Whatever]