The Best Moves Ever: KTFO Punch

Continuing with the theme from last night's Six Pack, here's maybe the simplest finishing move in WWE, but probably also the best. There's nothing fancy about Big Show punching dudes in the grill, but would you want his giant ham hock of a hand careening at you in a fight? If the answer is yes, then you have balls of steel. Here's maybe the best sell-job of that punch, by Heath Slater at WrestleMania, in Youtube form now instead of .gif form.

Into the Great Wide Open: WWE Money in the Bank 2011 Preview

All about the briefcase, two times
Photo Credit: WWE.com

I get a lot of inspiration for blog posts from people saying smart, dumb or otherwise in between things, and me agreeing, disagreeing, replying, retorting, building upon or just plain making fun of those statements. When it's someone like Razor of House Kick-Out!! saying it, you can bet I'm either agreeing with it, or if not, retorting civilly because he's a sharp guy. This is one of the times when I'm in full agreement:

I think MITB is one of the least predictable PPVs in recent memory. I can see every match going either way and the MITBs are wide open.

Think about it for a second. You might jump and say "WELL, I KNOW WHO'S GOING TO WIN! HE'S WRONG!" but then you think, and it's quite possible that the only match on the card that's even close to being easy to predict is Big Show taking on Mark Henry. I mean, Henry's gotta win that match, right? Right?

Well, no, because what if it's the blowoff, and Show gets to give Henry his comeuppance here before both men move onto threats on their respective brands? See what I mean? This has to be the first WWE PPV in a long time with so much mystery surrounding what the matches themselves are going to produce in terms of results.

That's not a bad thing, by the way. In fact, it probably makes this the most appetizing event on the schedule for WWE so far this year. People by and large don't want to tune into foregone conclusions. They want drama, intrigue, suspense and some kind of struggle or conflict to go with their potentially happy ending. The way WWE has built up the top matches for this PPV has been superb, especially for the nominal main event, John Cena defending his title and his job against a potentially exiting CM Punk. For the first time in a long time, the story isn't being framed to make Cena the obvious victor. There is drama, coming from all kinds of outside sources. There's Vince not having faith enough in Cena to get the job done. There's Punk's recent winning streak against The Champ. Everything's so perfectly staged and virtually anything can happen.

I mean, there are also two Money in the Bank matches, spectacles in and of themselves, with no clear favorites going into the frays beforehand. I mean, yeah, I handicapped both matches on here, but let's be real; the whole point behind Money in the Bank, why it exists anyway, is to be able to throw a curveball and have someone who isn't in the picture suddenly get into it. That's why it's ends with a briefcase being taken off a hook by means of climbing a ladder, something fluky and attainable by anyone, whether they were the aggressor or just picking the scraps from a spectacular car wreck, and not a pinfall or submission.

Oh yeah, and Randy Orton and Christian get to wrestle again in what's certain to be a damn good match. This angle has been brushed off to the side in the gigantic wake of Punk/Cena, and rightfully so in a way. Any feud that goes three PPVs in length with this much of a one-sided tilt to it is going to induce groans when it continues. But Christian has done his best to drag great matches out of Orton, and who knows, maybe fourth time is the charm.

But that's the fourth-most intriguing match on the card at best. If you get this event, you're getting it for two car crash ladder matches and to see whether CM Punk is going to walk out of Chicago - and WWE - with the title. And if you're like me, you have no fucking idea where to start forecasting what's going to happen.

If that doesn't give you butterflies - the good kind, that is - then I don't know what would.

Deja Vu Booking: One of WWE's BIGGEST Weaknesses

The first of two handicap matches... ugh
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Monday on RAW, the first match of the evening was a handicap match, John Cena against the Tag Team Champions, Michael McGillcutty and David Otunga. Okay, all well and good, a handicap match against the henchmen of his rival for Money in the Bank. Yeah, seeing the Champ go all SUPERCENA on the Tag Champs was irritating, but hey, that was last we'd see of those kinds of shenanigans tonight, right?

Yeah, then Big Show came out and wrestled Drew McIntyre and Dolph Ziggler. Yeah. I have to wonder if these script writers even realize that they're doing what they're doing. If it were the first time something like this happened, I'd be more than willing to give them a temporary pass, but it happens so much in WWE, whether on a single show with a booking device or with a storyline on either brand. I mean just a couple of weeks ago, they finished two matches via castigo excesivo, aka, disqualification via the five count. It's just lazy.

Honestly, it's embarrassing. Even on strong shows, they can't escape these kinds of repetitive mistakes, and this lends more credence to a rushed atmosphere than any dirtsheet snippet or Cageside Seats expose ever could. I mean, where's the care? Where's the nuance? Where's the oversight? Corporately, WWE professes to be entertainment, and their competition to be scripted TV. Well, if scripted TV shows trotted out lazy scripts like WWE does, they'd get lambasted by critics and have fans turn out.

The WWE needs to start practicing what it preaches, and maybe the head producers/executives like Vince McMahon should ease up on the writers if this is the case. OR maybe the writers should get better. I don't know. But when you get gaffes such as these, it really makes for groan-inducing watching.

Rehabbing the Monster: Mark Henry's Rebirth

Somebody gon' get they ass kicked
Photo Credit: WWE.com

When you're with WWE for as long as Mark Henry has without really busting through to the main event, it can be easy to claim that he'll never be a big player, he'll never be really over, he'll never get that allure about him. I mean, you'd think that if he hasn't connected with the crowds all this time, what makes anyone think he could be the guy they thought he could be when they signed him 15 years ago? But that's the funny thing about pro wrestling and crowds in general. They don't tend to have long memories. That's why it kills me when people say that "so and so has been ruined forever because of being booked badly for one night!" Unless the performance is so dreadfully bad or the humiliation is so severe that it scars a guy for life, people can come back from most degrees of malaise. When I say that heat is elastic, it's not some trite, anti-smark sentiment that I use to look down on the pessimists. I really do think it's true.

Case in point, look at Henry since Capitol Punishment. He womped on the Big Show. He beat on Kane like he was some sort of hybrid government mule/red-headed stepchild. In two segments, Mark Henry became a monster again, and from the way the crowd reacted, ESPECIALLY that lady with the cell phone, they bought it. It was sublime.

Of course, it's all for naught if they don't follow up on this. If Henry is back threatening to put his stank on the Divas or gets squashed within the next few weeks as recourse, then it's a failure. I don't give the WWE any credit to keep this going until they prove to me they can. I've seen too many instances of bullshit parity booking in the last couple of years to really believe they have a long term star here. However, the initial spark is enough for me to prove that it doesn't matter who you are. If you get a good faith push and you get to destroy peeps, you'll get over, especially if you're talented like Henry is.

Seriously, there's no reason why Mark Henry has had to languish his whole career. Call it a grudge against him from management, call it Vince Russo and those who were scions of his awful style of booking trying to get too fancy with a simple archetype, call it whatever. It's better late than never, but for a guy who's as good a big man worker as he is, a guy whose angry scowl is among the best facial expressions in the business, for a guy who can project anger and rage and fearsomeness as good as some of the best in the business, well, I'm glad that he is getting chance after chance.

Hopefully, the front office will stop dicking around and notice that hey, this is working and hey, maybe he could be used for something better than fodder.

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!

Big Show's Long Lost Twin?

Via Hugging Harold Reynolds

The guy on the right is Ton Jones, who stars in the show Auction Hunters. You can definitely see the resemblance there. I wonder if they were separated at birth, or whether they were brothers? If so, I pity the mother very, very much.

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!

Instant Feedback: R-Truth, You Probably Shouldn't Wear That

Full disclosure: I thought the opening segment to RAW, which was really the closing segment to Tough Enough bleeding into RAW in something surreal, was entertaining as hell. I thought Truf's rambling was hilarious. I liked what I saw from Miz and Alex Riley. Cena was... Cena. It was clusterfucky, and reminiscent of 1999-2000 in a weird but good way. I dug it.

That being said, whose fucking idea was it to have R-Truth wear a Confederate soldier's uniform? There's edgy, and there's stupid. While I didn't have a problem with it, it's stupid to tempt outcry like that. Then again, it did lead to a really good main event with some really good moments, like Miz jaw-jacking with Austin, Riley getting a really loud chant followed by the most nuclear hot tag for Cena that I've ever heard in my life. The finish was... well yeah, it was fanservice. At the same time, they did it a couple of weeks ago with Bret Hart. A bit more creativity needed from WWE Creative... haha, yeah right.

I was pretty baffled though... why the fuck would the RAW GM give Austin his job right after undermining his decision? Christ, these writers were in rare form tonight. Ugh.

Anyway, outside of the main angle, this was an all-over-the-place RAW. There were good spots, like the wrestling, Punk's pre-match promo and Booker T (!) wrestling in a singles match for the first time in like five years in WWE. It was pretty nice too. Plus, they continue to build the Jack Swagger/Evan Bourne feud nicely. It's also always good to see Zack Ryder on RAW, even when he's jobbing, and Dolph Ziggler on commentary was really, really pointed and fit well. Seriously, talking about the US Championship like it's important? Tommy likey.

However, the bullshit parity booking reared its ugly head again, with a mini-program between CM Punk and Rey Mysterio wrapping up neatly in two weeks. We got two great matches out of it yeah. I'm not complaining about that. But would it kill them to use two of their strongest characters in something more than trading wins with no other storyline advancement? Weak. Then you have Alberto del Rio, who's usually on point. I got excited when I saw him, but then he rolled out Ricardo Rodriguez as a dimestore Big Show. No. People say feuds with Big Show are momentum killers. However, is it the act of feuding with Show, or is it that Creative doesn't give a shit with Show, since they know he's probably just going be in a tag filler match or wrestle in a celebrity match at WrestleMania, and thus his endgame is really, really unimportant. I don't know.

Mixed bag tonight, the very definition. Next week's a three hour RAW though, so you know it'll be heavy on the wrestling. At least we have that going for us.

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!

Instant Feedback: Macho Forever

This was a very schizoid RAW. The good stuff was good, and when RAW is good, usually it has some good wrestling on it. That was the case tonight. The main event tag match was good (stupid finish aside), as was the three minute Evan Bourne/Jack Swagger match and the United States Championship match too. I also dug the opening segment. You know, R-Truth has been hit or miss since turning heel, but at the same time it's surreal, and in a way, I can dig surreal. "I WANT MY SON BACK" was just the weirdest thing I've heard, but in a way, it worked.

The best thing that happened in terms of storyline advancement though was the break-up between Alex Riley and The Miz. Seriously, it came out of nowhere as how awesome it was. Miz was in rare form tearing Riley a new one, but then what happened when it came to blows was just epic. If they actually knew how to follow up on anyone's initial moment, they would have created a new midcard face attraction to set loose on Smackdown, but I have my doubts. That being said, WOW, the intensity on that beatdown was AMAZING. Riley proved to me that he's got more than just a knack for the promo tonight.

That being said, the misses were pretty bad. For one, do we need to see another hit-and-run angle? Big Show getting struck by a car was bad, but what was worse was how they dragged the segment out. Also, the Kharma stuff... again, this is where I'd say I'd give them the benefit of the doubt on following up a disappointing segment that made a U-turn in the narrative, but does WWE Creative really deserve that benefit? I felt like the people in the Simpson household felt when they saw the debut of Poochie. They could have gone to the fireworks factory! Dammit! Again, this could be good, but at the same time, yeah, I don't have much faith.

But yeah, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the Macho Man tribute, and it was so well done. Bravo, the WWE video and production department did it again. I'm not the biggest Coldplay fan, but the song was definitely the perfect fit for the montage. Macho Forever. I'm glad that they finally gave him the treatment, even if it took them until he died to get that.

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!