Some Real Fantasy Booking with CM Punk!

Punk, the conquering hero of SEVERAL realms!
Photo Credit: WWE.com

So, CM Punk may be unemployed right now, but he's still defending the WWE Championship. Monday, he announced an impromptu title defense against a very formidable Japanese challenger:

On my couch. About to put the title on the line against Piston Honda.

Okay, Hiroshi Tanahashi or any other New Japan star it wasn't but hey, that Honda Rush has taken out many an unwitting fighter. Just ask Little Mac. Anyway, we haven't gotten any spoilers on whether that match was a success for Punk or not (WHERE ARE THE DIRTSHEET REPORTERS WHEN YOU FUCKING NEED THEM), but I can only assume it was a success since he was seen with the title later that evening at Wrigley Field.

This begs the question, what other places will Punk show up to defend the title? We all thought that it would be ROH or NJPW or some other indie or foreign fed, but now, with this first title defense out of the way, it's time to start lining up some of his next defenses. Unless he shows up next week to interrupt the Miz/Rey match, then I'm guessing he's out for awhile, and while he deserves a vacation, I'm not so sure he can stay still for that long of a time. So, in the spirit of that first defense, here's some fantasy booking in the truest sense of the word fantasy...

- First defense, Punk vs. Mario in a Mushroom Kingdom Madness match, which is like a Falls Count Anywhere match using warp pipes to go to the different areas. It's set up in a tag match between Punk and Mario against Bowser and Jimmy Jacobs, when Punk turns on the Italian plumber, disagreeing with his use of performance enhancing fungi. The match of course ends with Punk winning, hitting a Go to Sleep on Mario after distracting him by laying down some warp pipe on Peach.

- CM Punk vs. Tyrion Lannister. Not in a wrestling match, but in a contest to see who can slap the shit out of Joffrey the most.



That will never, ever get old.

- Harry Potter vs. Lord Voldemort. What does this have to do with Punk? Well, Harry's Petronus is Punk. The most powerful one there is, I might add.

- Punk vs. Chuck Norris in a battle to claim the outlandish meme. Punk quits, because he doesn't want to be associated with the lameness.

- Punk travels to the void to do battle with Randy Savage in a match that would make the Internet explode. Savage would obviously have the match won with the flying elbow, but as a courtesy to Punk, he gets himself disqualified because he has no need for mortal Championship belts in the afterlife. Plus, he prevented the fucking Rapture. That's all the recognition the Macho Man needs.

- Punk joins the cast of Next Food Network Star midseason. He wins the whole competition with his GTS Pizza, then has a three way with Rachael Ray and Giada de Laurentiis, using EVOO as the lubricant. Highest ratings in network history. Guy Fieri's head explodes, causing @DangerGuerrero to celebrate like the Rebel Alliance just blew up the Death Star outside of Endor.

- Punk visits the LOST island and wrestles the Smoke Monster to a time limit draw. Even fantasy characters from totally fictional TV shows have their political chicanery.

Yeah, so that's a lot of fantasy booking for one night. The possibilities are endless, almost infinite. There's just so much Punk can do before ending his vacation and coming back to claim his rightful throne as King BAMF of WWE.

NOTE: I was not on drugs during this post. I SWEAR.

TWIOT: Eulogy for Eddard Stark, Lord of Winterfell

Pictured here: An honorable man
Photo Credit: Boomtron.com

Lord Eddard Stark, better known as Ned by those close to him, died ignominiously eleven days ago, on the episode entitled "Baelor" on HBO's landmark series Game of Thrones. The Lord of Winterfell and the former Hand of the King to Robert Baratheon, the late ruler of the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros, was beloved in his home region of the North, but disliked and even held in contempt by those who didn't like what he represented. But what did Lord Stark represent? It was more than just his snow-covered, windswept landscape to the North, dangerously close to The Wall and the White Walkers that now threaten Westeros. It was more than his sigil, the Direwolf, or the family he raised. It was more than his friendship with King Robert, and his servitude to the realm.

More than anything, he represented honor, but in death, more specifically, HIS death represented the death of honor.

One of the knocks against Stark was that he wasn't a very bright man. This much is true. He passed up several opportunities to broker peace deals that could have kept him alive and away from The Wall. He followed the exact same steps that his predecessor as Hand, Jon Arryn, did knowing full well that the investigation he was undergoing got Arryn killed by the scheming Lannister family. There were only two explanations for why Stark would continue to prod at the burgeoning conspiracy unfolding behind closed doors like an adolescent boy throwing rocks at an angry beehive. Either he was stupid, or he had a cognitive dissonance about what was going on, and went by the book because that's the way things should have been done.

Since this is a eulogy, I come not to knock the man, but to argue that it was more the latter than the former. I believe Lord Eddard knew that his course of action was the right thing to do, even if in his heart of hearts, he knew it was going to get him killed. In a sense of stubbornness, duty or conscience, he pressed on anyway, thinking he could change the world by being a good man. Sadly, the world was changing, only in a far more dark and twisted way than what Stark could ever have thought of.

The world was becoming an unkind place for those who wished to uphold tradition, respect and decorum. Arryn died because he dared question whether the blond-haired, blue-eyed Joffrey was really the son of Robert, despite the fact that every other child sired by the fat king out of his wedlock to Queen Cersei of House Lannister had black hair and brown eyes, and as a result, put into doubt whether he was the true heir to the Iron Throne. When Khal Drogo dared listen to the Moon of His Life and spared the life of conquered healer, he was repaid by being turned into the first recorded vegetable in the history of the Vaes Dothrak by that very same healer. In what has become a microcosm of the whole series to date, Bronn dispatched Lord Vardis in the stead of Tyrion Lannister in his trial by combat and didn't exactly fight honorably. Lady Lysa Arryn levied the claim that exact claim, to which Tyrion deadpanned, pointing to the hole out of which Bronn threw his defeated foe, "No, but he did."

So, in a world where dishonor and lawlessness seem to be rewarded, the swordblow that separated Ned Stark's head from the rest of his body was the final, stunning blow to the idea that honor alone can be used as a compass for navigating life in the Seven Kingdoms (and beyond). Now, the world is thrown into chaos, with the Lannisters fighting a war on three fronts against three unique enemies with different goals, two of which want the crown that Tywin's grandson wears on his adolescent and merciless head. A fourth force, one powered by dragons and Dothraki savagery, looms across the Narrow Sea.

Which force will win though? It won't be the noblest one, I'll tell you that. It'll be the one that fights with the greatest strength, the greatest cunning or the best strategy. That isn't to say that honor is something to be scoffed at. No, quite contrarily, Ned Stark should be held up as a martyr, an ideal even, for what all men should strive to be like, but not too much like. The lesson here is that Stark's honor should be commended, but in his final moments, he showed something more valuable than he did in his life of servitude, honestly and valor. He showed some cunning. He made a deal with the Mad King Joffrey to admit treason he didn't commit in order to save his daughters' lives. No one can question whether saving the lives of his kin is noble or not. However, his gambit, which was squelched because of Joffrey's dishonesty, a trait that even surprised his deceitful mother Cersei, not because it wasn't an attempt to play the game.

That's the lesson that Stark's death teaches. You don't wait until it's too late to make bold choices, even if they're dishonorable. Sometimes, you need to take the rap for a crime you didn't commit, or tell lies or break oaths for the greater good. His death, though outrageous to several fans of the show who grew attached to him, was necessary to further the theme of the overall story.

That being said, it's still a sad death, and one that should be lamented. Ned Stark died as he lived, not as a moron like I had previously stated on Twitter, but as a stubbornly honorable man, noble to a fault and a man who only started to learn his lesson when it was too late. If there's any justice in that fictional world, he shall be avenged, either by his son Robb sodomizing Joffrey with his sword, his bastard Jon Snow sodomizing the King with his sword or, my personal hope, in the belly of one of Danerys Targaryen's dragons.

However, that doesn't change the fact that he didn't need to die, which I think is the most important real life lesson that could be learned from a fictional death. Sometimes, honor just isn't enough.

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!

The Wrestling Podcast, Episode 5: Tom Ford Talks PWG

Vol 5: Paul London Calling

This episode is an all-PWG affair, as Philly ex-pat Tom Ford and I talk about All-Star Weekend 8. We run the card down and talk about the stuff that happened, as well as veering off into other conversation during it, among them, who the best women wrestlers are, why Akira Tozawa is awesome and whether I’d pay money to see Claudio Castagnoli give a 100-rotation airplane spin to Evan Bourne on WWE PPV (spoiler alert, I totally would). We finish by talking briefly about TV, since Ford is a HUGE TV nut. LISTEN!

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!

Stop Undermining Titles

Kofi Kingston jobbing to Dolph Ziggler last night was the latest in WWE's offenses against titleholders
Photo Credit: WWE.com

In this past week's episode of Game of Thrones (I'm totally obsessed, I know), Tywin Lannister was having a stern talk with his son, Jaime, about the family legacy and why he was so concerned with things he shouldn't be concerned with. Anyway, the conversation steers towards why Tywin was so concerned about his impish son being held prisoner by another family. I'm paraphrasing here, because I can't find the exact quote anywhere online right now.

Soon, I'll be dead, so will you, so will everyone, but the family name? The legacy? That's what lives on, that's what needs to stay strong.

It's an a propos quote, but what does it have to do with wrestling, since it's clearly not Thursday and I wrote about GoT last week? Well, all you have to do is substitute wrestler names for the Lannisters referenced and "Championship Belts" for family name and you've got something that sticks in my craw. You know from 2+ years of reading The Wrestling Blog that I've always hated when Champions get booked poorly. I even wrote rules for that sort of thing back over a year ago.

Granted, a lot has changed with my outlook on wrestling since then, and I've softened on a lot of my "hardcore smark" points of view. However, one that I didn't go limp on, and one that I'll probably never turn tail on likely, is that Championship belts, and in turn Champions, should be kept strong and should mean something. I've come to understand that the most important thing in pro wrestling is to tell a coherent and entertaining story, wins, losses and the like be damned. However, the Championship belt? Yeah, that is the best storytelling device in all of wrestling. Seriously, they provide easy storylines, ones that can be modified or have devices added to them to enhance them. They also are pretty much the biggest piece of the "sports" side of the proceedings. They're pretty much the thing that preserves kayfabe (even in an era where it's broken repeatedly) and they're the most commonsense thing that binds a wrestler to a wrestling company.

With all that in mind, that's what makes it so maddening that Kofi Kingston drops matches like he's a 1990 Superstars jobber, or when Jack Swagger or anyone else holding the World/WWE Championship loses in a non-title match without all that good a reason other than "that's how we booked it". When a Champion loses a match willy-nilly, then it takes the specialness out of the decision when he finally drops the title. Who cares about the title if the guy holding it loses all the time? Like Tywin said in the paraphrase above, just as the Lannister name is longer-lasting than any person wielding it, the same is true for Championship titles.

Yes, there are wrestlers who are or become bigger than Championships they hold. However, in most cases, the title belt should be something that, because it's bigger and more long-lasting, that can help enhance the guy holding it, and thus enhance the story being told through him and the guy or guys with whom he's feuding. It's not rocket science.

To continue to make Kingston drop matches with the title not on the line or to keep making matches where a guy gets a shot at a Champion by beating him in a non-title match is so short-sighted and it takes a viable story off the table. There are plenty of other ways to build up a title feud without throwing away the long lineage and potential power that a Championship belt brings to the table. WWE Creative, and really, all other wrestling companies too (I've seen this booking run rampant in TNA and creep up in other indie feds like NWA Hollywood), would be wise to be a bit smarter with their booking.

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!

TWIOT: You Win or You Die, but Either Way, You Get Your Face Ruled

Peter Dinklage masterfully plays Tyrion Lannister in this landmark series
Photo Credit: Boomtron.com

I don't know if you know this yet, but my new televised obsession is the HBO medieval serial Game of Thrones. The show is based off the series of novels by George R.R. Martin called A Song of Fire and Ice, with GoT being the title of the first novel in the series. I don't know, I think in terms of titlage, Game of Thrones way rules over the other one, so right there, you get the feeling that it's going to be epic.

Through the first six episodes, that epicness is justified. The show combines so many different plot devices that it really is something for everyone. It has bloody gore and violence, and some of it is so innovative. Like this one, after the jump:

.gif Credit: Matt Ufford of WarmingGlow

Just in case you don't know what's going on there, it's murder by crowning. And by that I mean the guy is getting molten gold poured over his head. The show also has political intrigue, murder mystery, gratuitous nudity, elements of horror (the White Walkers, who were only shown once so far but will figure in big later on) and Peter Dinklage playing Tyrion Lannister, the sauciest and wittiest dwarf you'll ever encounter. I think this show has something for everyone.

Despite the above exampled depiction of ultraviolence being the norm rather than the exception, it doesn't turn the series into a freakshow. The core of the series, at least through six episodes, has been based on strong storytelling and great acting, the best of which comes from Dinklage as well as Sean Bean, who plays the main character Ned Stark. Right now, there are three or four main angles swirling around that look to coalesce sooner rather than later in a big way. All the characters have some sort of intertwining. Plus, the actual history of Westeros is so rich and developed but extra care is taken to let that shine through without making it an exercise in imagined history. It's actually made a part of the story rather than clunkily tossed in with meaningless displays of lectured exposition.

Right now, my wife is reading the novels, and if they remain as faithful to them as they are now, then things are going to get even more epic as this season and Season 2 progress (the show was renewed for a second season immediately after the first one). If you have HBO and you aren't watching this? They have the entire season on demand so you can catch up. If you don't have HBO, then I suggest getting this when it comes out on DVD, because it's that good so far. I don't expect it to drop off all that much.

The thing is, HBO comes out with so many great shows that it's hard not to go by the track record. For every clunker like John from Cincinnati, they have five critical smashes that either have their finger on the pulse of culture or are instrumental in shaping said culture. From a network that gave us The Sopranos, True Blood, Treme and several other great programs, it's not surprising they delivered with Game of Thrones. The tagline for the show is "You Win or You Die", but the only way you're not winning is if you're not watching. Highest recommendations.

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!