Oooh Yeah, Use Me to Settle Debts, PRIVATE! ...or Public!

Photo Credit: Tarlin B. Wiggins
Via ChukD's Flickr

When I rule the world, this will be the exact format of the currency. OOH YEAH, AND YOU GET FIVE DOLLARS OFF AT STARBUCKS WHEN YOU USE BILL THIS TO PAY FOR YOUR ORDER!

The Tozawa Cake Is Not a Lie

Via his Facebook page

Just when you thought that Akira Tozawa couldn't get any awesomer...

HADOUUUUUUUUUKEN
Photo Credit: Akira Tozawa

Yes, that is his birthday cake. It's way more epic than your birthday cake is. Unless it's the meatloaf cake with mashed potato icing. In which case you win, but only barely. His birthday is today, so happy birthday, Japanese Mugatu Tozawa-san!

Kiss It Goodbye

Your friend and mine on Twitter, the sexually insatiable @2ndCitySaint, has talents other than sharing her bedroom escapades or prowess in the kitchen as a restaurant chef. She also seems to be a pretty good graphic artist. Here's her take on CM Punk's big title win Sunday in comic form:

Yep, that's pretty awesome from where I sit.

BEST. PPV. EVER: WWE Money in the Bank 2011 Review

Peace out, Vince
Photo Credit: WWE.com

So, what happens when you order a WWE PPV, and you're basically satisfied with every match? What happens when the opening match gives you your favorite wrestler banking a shot at becoming the top guy on his brand? What happens when giants get their wigs split, seven men jostle for position on top of several ladders, grabbing for a briefcase? What happens when they have the balls to strap a guy who may or may not be leaving the company? What happens when you order a WWE event, and you're left thinking it's their best PPV event ever, better than In Your House: Canadian Stampede, better than WrestleMania X-7?

You get Money in the Bank 2011.

First thing's first, both nominal matches kicked major ass. Let's start with the Smackdown match. I mean, first up, how about the ladder power bomb? Sin Cara showed major cajones taking that move, because man, it looked fucking brutal. I also loved the Road Warrior tribute with Sheamus and Kane doing the Doomsday Device on Daniel Bryan. Bryan took a beating during this match, but I had a feeling that once it was he, Cody Rhodes and Wade Barrett on the ladder at the end that he might have a chance. Then, he knocked RED BELLY off the ladder, and boom. He grabbed it, and my house erupted. I hadn't been as excited to see a match result since... well, uh, I don't know, when Bryan beat The Miz for the United State Championship at Night of Champions last year? Maybe I do have a problem.

Then there was the RAW match, which some are saying may be the best MitB match ever. I'd be very hard-pressed to disagree with them. Each contestant lining up to create one massive Mexican standoff with all the ladders was a brilliant way to start. From there, it was spot after spot after spot. It bordered on overload at one point, when Rey Mysterio and Kofi Kingston jumped from the top to the floor, and then Evan Bourne moments later saw the crowd milling about, was like, "Pfft, nbd" and shooting star pressed as an effective form of riot control. Calling all 5'8" beanpoles who can do flips? You've got jobs in your local police departments. There was a spot in the match where I got legitimately concerned for Miz's health, as when Alberto del Rio knocked him and Bourne off the ladder, Miz was assisted out, limping and hobbling. Keep that in mind.

The spots just kept coming and coming. Kofi bouncing around like a pinball. 619s all around. del Rio trying to be a high-flyer and whiffing. Then, maybe the most magnificent sight I've ever seen in a MitB ladder match ever. The seven remaining men in the match all started to climb ladders. At its apogee, you had all of the men alternately reaching for the briefcase and trying to push the others down. It was a clusterfuck, but it was a breathtaking clusterfuck. One by one, the wrestlers fell like dominoes until no one was left. When the heel crowd roared for Miz's limp-race down to the ring, it sealed the deal for me. This match didn't have to finish to be the best Money match ever. But it did, and Alberto del Rio claimed the briefcase after claiming Mysterio's mask...

...baaaaaht, chu already knew that.

There were two other non-title, non-ladder matches on the card. The Divas match, to me, was inoffensive, which made it the best a match between Kelly Kelly and Brie Bella could be. At least right now. Remember, when Trish Stratus started out, she was kinda terrible too. However, Mark Henry and Big Show? That was a tremendous big man vs. giant brawl. Wigs were split, and we were pleased. I think Henry getting air and dropkicking the steps was my favorite part of the match, just because it was so unexpected. You know, if they had gotten this right with the World's Strongest Man in 1996 instead of just 2011, we'd be talking an all-time great here, but hey, we're getting it now, and I'm happy for the lug. The finishing flurry at the end was a nice touch, like Henry couldn't believe one World's Strongest Slam couldn't finish Show off. So he did it again. And again. And then a couple of Death from Above splashes. He looks just as good decimating a giant as he does tossing around the Christians and Trent Barettas of the world. That's the sign of a good wrestler.

The two World Championship matches had me the most worried about this event, but both delivered in ways that were different but still satisfying. The World Heavyweight Championship match was more a character study than it was a wrestling match. It was basically Christian, right from start, trying to goad Randy Orton into losing his temper. It pretty much redeemed a month of lackluster build in one match, because it was so masterfully crafted. To his credit, Orton did what he had to do and then some. And how about the Viper going all ROH-midcarder with his offensive outburst? I kinda dug it, especially the Canadian backbreaker into the neckbreaker. But the finish, my God, it just showed how much of a master Christian is at match psychology and how well Orton plays (is?) the guy who flies off the handle. The post-match beatdown worked almost too well. I expected Bryan to come down and effectively kill me of wrestling fan euphoria. But then again, he's way too noble to cash in that way.

In a related note, if Friday comes and Bryan announces he's cashing it at WrestleMania, then I will lose my shit.

But all of the above described? That was just the appetizer. A tasty appetizer, but the thing that we all looked forward to most was Punk and Cena. And in a rare moment, one that was a throwback to the old days, when the main event almost always felt like a big deal after the match, not just before it, this match delivered in ways that I can't even describe. There were so many elements at play here. The crowd was so instrumental in creating the atmosphere, and they were hot almost the entire match. Hell, I'll give the kids and skirts credit here too. The ones that audibly chanted "Let's go Cena!"? Yeah, you get a million points from me. Totally provided a light contrast to the vast majority of people there screaming for Cena's blood every time Punk went in for the kill.

And before the elephant overshadows everyone else in the room, yes, I saw more than a few botches in the match. But as I've said before, if it's handled right, it's alright. Here, they handled it better than correctly. And in a way, it was a perfect contrast. You had Punk, who in front of his hometown wrestled with such passion, emotion, a classic babyface. Then there was Cena, whose ring savvy allowed him to be cold, almost emotionless (at least until the end), going about his duty with a business-like attitude that in a way exemplified the "dynastic Yankee" label Punk put on him in Boston. It almost felt ironic in a sense.

Then, despite what the fans chanted, there was the wrestling, brought by both men. I mean really, how could you say Cena couldn't wrestle when he dropped Punk (and himself) on the canvas with that faux-superplex to the outside, RIGHT in front of Punk's mom and his two best friends in Colt Cabana and Ace Steel. Christ, that was such a subtle dick heel move. I loved it. I also loved the segue from the STF into the Anaconda Vice. That submission exchange was probably the best spot of pure chain wrestling that you'll find in the States all year with the exception of what Johnnies Saint and Kidd will provide in a couple of weeks.

Then the finish. Vince McMahon's paranoia, Cena clocking Johnny Ace, the attempt at the Chicago Screwjob, Go to Sleep, New Champion. New Champion. They followed through on CM Punk potentially leaving WWE with the title. And then what was better, McMahon got on the headset and called for del Rio to come out. And there he came, look of steely determination on his face, like he was going to cross armbreaker his way into the heart of his boss, but BOOM. Holy shit, Punk kicked him in the back of the head like it was no big deal. If I were Alberto del Rio? I'd have thrown up my arms when I regained consciousness, said "I ain't even mad" and just applauded because that was maybe the most perfectly executed flash kick I've ever seen. And then the picture, that I have posted above. Punk blowing a kiss goodbye to McMahon and heading through the crowd. Priceless. Absolutely priceless.

It was the perfect end to a perfect pay-per-view. The WWE gets ragged on a lot, but even the coldest, blackest, darkest heart had to have been warmed tonight by what they put on. Their PPV has always been a strong point, but until tonight, they hadn't come close to perfect since maybe the second One Night Stand. This event stands in rarefied air right now. I would be hard pressed to come up with an argument against it being one of the best, if not the best WWE PPV of all-time.

And it's all because they took a chance and let CM Punk escape with the title. Well-played, gentlemen. Well-played.

Chikarasaurus Rex Weekend Is William Regal Approved

We all knew English catch-as-catch-can legends Johnny Saint and Johnny Kidd were coming to Chikara for Chikarasaurus Rex: King of Sequel weekend. Over the last couple of days, we found out what matches they'd be competing in. Here's the first, scheduled for July 30th in Reading, PA:

World of Sport!
Photo Credit: ChikaraPro.com

Holy crap, it almost makes me want to risk alienating my 6 months pregnant wife by going to Reading for that show. However, if people are giving me good advice, then I'm erring on the side of caution here, as drawing the ire of a pregnant woman really is fucking stupid. So I'm sad that I won't be able to go to this one, especially since this match got a rousing endorsement from an expert on English grappling:

In a related note, Regal is the man on Twitter. He's one of the most interactive wrestlers on there, along with Claudio Castagnoli and Sugar Dunkerton. Anyway, back to the point at hand, if you're free on the 30th, can be in the Reading area and are a wrestling fan, then Regal's endorsement should be more than enough impetus for you to go. Seriously, this is like hearing Mario Batali say that an Italian restaurant is must-eat-at, or Kirk Hammett give you the recommendation to listen to a guy shred on guitar.

Of course, that isn't enough. No, as you know, Chikarasaurus Rex weekend is two days long, and Sunday's card in Philly, a card I will be attending. Of course Chikara isn't content just to let Reading have all the awesome. Kidd and Saint will of course be sticking around the whole weekend, and just in case Saturday's card didn't feature an awesome enough match, well, they had to go and up the ante for Sunday, which for my sake, IS AWESOME FREAKING SAUCE:

Well-played.
Photo Credit: ChikaraPro.com

I was hoping for Colt Cabana to be involved in the proceedings for that weekend, and my prayers to the Wrestling Gods were answered. Quack being involved is just gravy. Seriously, there scant few wrestling matches that I look forward to watching with this much fervor. It's good that WWE is giving us one in Punk/Cena at Money in the Bank, but to have two in the same month? Especially one of this caliber? I'm in hog heaven right now.

All of this goes to reinforce how freaking epic Chikara is when it comes to running an extremely fun, supremely eminent wrestling promotion. You ask me why I act as their propaganda arm, and I will point to these matches, which are just a tip of the iceberg when it comes to their awesomeness, as incontrovertible proof. Chikara is wrestling, folks.

Chikara Presents The Flex Express

USA! USA!

Via Chikara's site

Just when you thought Chikara couldn't get any more awesome... well, backstory first. At the Fan Conclave this year for King of Trios, there was an open challenge to body slam Tursas, the 300+ lb. behemoth from the BDK. Several tried, fans, Chikara natives, even the curmudgeonly old-timer Matt Classic teased trying. None were able to succeed until Green Ant, the resilient rookie from the Colony, came out, dazed the big man with his "illegal" steel plate in his forearm, a repair measure from breaking it, and then got him off his feet. He looked like he would succeed until devious BDK ring announcer and "wrestler" Jakob Hammermeir chop blocked him, causing Tursas to squish the poor ant. Of course, later on that night, the BDK team of Hammermeir, Tim Donst and Delirious was eliminated from the KoT tournament by the Colony after Green Ant finished the job and slammed Tursas.

Afterwards, Green Ant stumped to get Tursas in a singles match, and he has one signed for Night One of Chikarasaurus Rex weekend. He's getting on the Flex Express, touring the United States, looking for support from the good ol' US of A for his quest to vanquish the Finnish monster with a righteous fake beard.

If this sounds an awful lot like the Lex Express angle the WWF did back in 1993, then good for you, you have a great memory. That's exactly why this is awesome. It's a great, tongue-in-cheek tribute to the old angle, using a real-life injury to help tell an awesome story. It also helps that the guy in the Lex Luger role, Green Ant, probably has as much muscle mass in his whole body that Luger maybe had in his right pectoral muscle in 1993. That's what makes this great though, it's lulz-inducing on one hand, but Greenie is one of the most endearing wrestlers on the roster. He's also become one of my favorite workers in the entire fed. His chain-wrestling exhibitions with Mike Quackenbush are among the best experience-contrast opening matches you'll see in any promotion on the planet right now. He has a great handle on tag wrestling, and I like his offensive game as well, especially his cloverleaf.

My only complaint is that this match won't happen on Night Two, when I'll actually be in attendance. Still, you know I'll be there in Reading in spirit. And hopefully, Green Ant gets a better fate in his match than Luger did in his fated SummerSlam '93 tilt against Yokozuna.

Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein - Please visit his site to view the plentiful amounts of pictures he's taken for DGUSA, ROH and other indie feds: Get Lost Photography

Speaking of Cool-Ass Moves

Photo Credit: WWE.com

No, Daniel Bryan did not wrestle Ezekiel Jackson last night. They were on the same team. That's a double team move. It's also an awesome double team move in progress. Seriously, I think I marked harder for that military-press assisted plancha than anything else that didn't involve CM Punk and Steve Austin last night. Seriously, I love offbeat, contrast-in-styles double team moves.

Big Zeke is quickly becoming one of my favorite spectacles in WWE, not really because he's an excellent worker - he's passable but not really elite to me - but because I just love his bodyslam-o-rama that he does when he makes big comebacks. This only makes me like him more.

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!

Adam West Pays Jerry Lawler a Visit - Classic Clip

Before he was elected the mayor of Quahog, RI, Adam West enjoyed a memorably campy run as Batman on television. As gritty and realistic as Christian Bale's Batman is, well, if you take the polar opposite of that, you have West's. He paid a visit to Memphis to try and confront the "Evil King" there, and, well, he got Jerry Lawler dressed as Superman.

In a related note, if Jerry Lawler is SuperKing, does that mean barely legal girls are his kryptonite? *low blow*

Video found by friend of TWB Robert Lamb!

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!

TWIOT: You Win or You Die, but Either Way, You Get Your Face Ruled

Peter Dinklage masterfully plays Tyrion Lannister in this landmark series
Photo Credit: Boomtron.com

I don't know if you know this yet, but my new televised obsession is the HBO medieval serial Game of Thrones. The show is based off the series of novels by George R.R. Martin called A Song of Fire and Ice, with GoT being the title of the first novel in the series. I don't know, I think in terms of titlage, Game of Thrones way rules over the other one, so right there, you get the feeling that it's going to be epic.

Through the first six episodes, that epicness is justified. The show combines so many different plot devices that it really is something for everyone. It has bloody gore and violence, and some of it is so innovative. Like this one, after the jump:

.gif Credit: Matt Ufford of WarmingGlow

Just in case you don't know what's going on there, it's murder by crowning. And by that I mean the guy is getting molten gold poured over his head. The show also has political intrigue, murder mystery, gratuitous nudity, elements of horror (the White Walkers, who were only shown once so far but will figure in big later on) and Peter Dinklage playing Tyrion Lannister, the sauciest and wittiest dwarf you'll ever encounter. I think this show has something for everyone.

Despite the above exampled depiction of ultraviolence being the norm rather than the exception, it doesn't turn the series into a freakshow. The core of the series, at least through six episodes, has been based on strong storytelling and great acting, the best of which comes from Dinklage as well as Sean Bean, who plays the main character Ned Stark. Right now, there are three or four main angles swirling around that look to coalesce sooner rather than later in a big way. All the characters have some sort of intertwining. Plus, the actual history of Westeros is so rich and developed but extra care is taken to let that shine through without making it an exercise in imagined history. It's actually made a part of the story rather than clunkily tossed in with meaningless displays of lectured exposition.

Right now, my wife is reading the novels, and if they remain as faithful to them as they are now, then things are going to get even more epic as this season and Season 2 progress (the show was renewed for a second season immediately after the first one). If you have HBO and you aren't watching this? They have the entire season on demand so you can catch up. If you don't have HBO, then I suggest getting this when it comes out on DVD, because it's that good so far. I don't expect it to drop off all that much.

The thing is, HBO comes out with so many great shows that it's hard not to go by the track record. For every clunker like John from Cincinnati, they have five critical smashes that either have their finger on the pulse of culture or are instrumental in shaping said culture. From a network that gave us The Sopranos, True Blood, Treme and several other great programs, it's not surprising they delivered with Game of Thrones. The tagline for the show is "You Win or You Die", but the only way you're not winning is if you're not watching. Highest recommendations.

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!

Feliz Aniversario, Chikara!

Only in Chikara

Nine years ago today, Chikara Pro Wrestling was founded by "Lightning" Mike Quackenbush and Reckless Youth. Over the near-decade, Youth left and several men and women wrestled under the Chikara banner. They've also proven themselves to be on the cutting edge of what wrestling can be and frankly should be. No, I'm not saying that the WWE should hire a bunch of masked wrestlers with comedic-tinged gimmicks. However, I do think the WWE could stand to learn from the tone and tenor of Chikara. Same with TNA. Tell you the absolute truth, same with ROH as well.

The atmosphere of Chikara is the biggest reason why I'm such a major fanboy for the fed. They know how to have a sense of humor about themselves while knowing when to keep things serious. Even the serious stuff is never too intensely humorless to the point where you can't get a laugh. The major difference between wrestling and "entertainment" to me is that I think there should always be a tinge of comedy, of a sense of humor, mainly because of crowd involvement and interaction. Quack and company know this, and thus there are always a ton of smiles to go with the oohs, aahs and oh nos involved in any show.

Over the last 2+ years that I've been following, I've seen them really hit their stride. Each year seems to be better than the last. 2010 was amazing, and so far, from what I've seen in 2011, they're improving upon that product, which to me seems astounding given how high they set the bar last year. The rep is only growing, as they attract more and more name guest stars to weave within the tapestry of the amazing native roster on their watch. And as more and more people find out about the promotion, more and more people fall in love with it.

It's never too late to get in on secret. What better birthday present can you give to Chikara than to give them a look, give them a chance? You can start out by peeping their Youtube page. It includes their move spotlights - the Throwdown Lowdown and Video des Kreuzes - as well as the Podcast-a-Go-Go, which now has taken to airing full matches. If you like that, then go to Smart Mark Video and order a DVD, or go right to their page and see if/when they're coming to your area. Trust me, you'll be hooked, just like me.

And then next year, when their anniversary comes around again, you can be just like me and wish them more and more years of continued success.

Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein - Please visit his site to view the plentiful amounts of pictures he's taken for DGUSA, ROH and other indie feds: Get Lost Photography

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!