Commercials on PPV? Excuse Me While I Destroy My Living Room in Rage

One of last night's unwanted sponsors

Commercials on a pay-per-view, contrary to popular belief, aren't anything new. We've been seeing them for years. However, they're usually spots that don't really feel like commercials, mainly because they're either advertising an upcoming WWE event, a WWE Films endeavor or a new wrestler, like the spots for, say, Kharma that appeared on PPVs in the early part of this year portended. A lot of times, they're needed to space out set-ups between matches, and more often than not, they've got some value, either in showcasing the excellence that the WWE production department deals in or in the utter unintentional hilarity of the content, which was more the case back in the '90s when really everything the then-WWF did had some modicum of unintentional hilarity to it.

So, why should it matter that there were pre-produced commercials at SummerSlam last night from third party advertisers? Foremost, I feel like it's a matter of principle. Having advertisers pay for spots on the card, especially ones that have run in the past like the godawful Twix commercial, defeats the purpose of pay-per-view. More often than not, the commercials on regular TV are grating, uninformative and bordering on pedantic and overexposed. They're a necessary evil, allowing us to watch weekly televised wrestling for the price of our cable bill. But the point of paying for extra content is that we get nothing but first-run WWE-produced viewing, or at the very least, first-run matches with recap packages that we may or may not have seen before preceding them.

Let's face it. Commercials in general are annoying. It's very rare to find a company like Geico that produces advertisements that are entertaining enough to warrant a break in the action. The only sponsor WWE has right now that produces anything worth watching between segments is Sonic, and even then, I wouldn't want to see them advertising when I pay money to stay away from those kinds of things. It's a slap in the face of the paying customer when they're told they have to pay full price and see that WWE is running spots, assumed at a cost to the advertiser, that they're paying to avoid.

The most reasonable expectation here is that they had to pay Cee-Lo Green, and instead of passing the cost down to the consumer by hiking the price of the event, they probably ran spots. Okay, that makes it a little more palatable until you realize that they probably had to add the commercials to pay for a guy who probably shouldn't have been there in a performing capacity anyway. Seriously, for about twenty minutes, SummerSlam was veritably unwatchable. For an event that actually delivered on nearly every other thing it offered, it was surreal to say the least. Plunk that sequence down on another PPV, like, I don't know, Capitol Punishment, and it would have been unforgivable on the level of using the Avada Kevadra curse, although quite frankly, I find the idea of Kevin Dunn having to share a cell in Azkaban Prison with a gnarled Death Eater tickles me pink.

Seriously, premium content means that you shouldn't have to sit through the insipid pitches for products or movie trailers. For better or worse, WWE pay-per-views are premium content, especially in the last two months and in a general sense over the last two years. I don't want to pay however much I'm paying for a PPV and have to watch the same weaksauce Twix commercial that I have to sit through 20 times a night Mondays during RAW. Quite frankly, I shouldn't have to either.

TWIOT: Harry Potter and the Eight Movies of Quality

This picture doesn't really have anything to do with the article. But it's Emma Watson doing the troll face. C'mon, that's awesome

The Harry Potter film franchise is over. After eight films, legions of fans being minted, tantalized and now satisfied and a boatload of money produced, the epic series finally wrapped up when Deathly Hallows: Part 2 was released a couple of weeks ago. I didn't see the landmark movie until a week after it was released, but when I finally saw it with my wife, sister-in-law and her fiancé, it was worth the wait, both from the end of last fall's Deathly Hallows: Part 1 and the week between release and my viewing.

This isn't going to be a review of Part 2, rather than a retrospective on the series. It's very hard to keep a strong narrative going over three films/books, let alone eight films and seven books. The thing is, it could very easily have been 10+ movies, given that they were considering splitting Goblet of Fire in two and, according to my wife who read the books, had enough material in Order of the Phoenix and The Half-Blood Prince to make each serial into two or even three movies apiece. Just ask George Lucas, who succeeded with his first Star Wars trilogy, but by many people's reckoning, absolutely failed with the second one. Or you could ask the Wachowski brothers, who followed up The Matrix with two underwhelming at best sequels. Or Sam Raimi, whose first two Spider-man movies were great, but who ultimately faltered with the third installment. That the Potter team, a collective of several different directors under the unchanging narrative written by JK Rowling, told an absolutely breathtaking story with very few moments of falter deserves praise.

Still, its greatest achievement is probably how it appeals to a broad spectrum of ages. Even the first two movies, which people will say are total kids' fare, have some very dark moments, and after it becomes "dark", it still has an appeal to kids, albeit ones that are older. The themes are more mature than what you'd find in your typical Dreamworks computer animated film. They deal with death, betrayal, orphaning, deception, war, murder, trust, politics, educational reform, and yet each film is cleverly set with wizards, mythical creatures and exaggerated characters who typify good and evil cleanly enough so that they can be digested by kids, who may not be ready for a full palate of grays on the canvas.

But while the characters retain a simple identity for the most part (with some exceptions, like Severus Snape, maybe the best character in the entire series – a good guy whose gruff exterior keeps you asking questions until the final exposition of his intents after he dies in DH Pt. 2), they're still fully developed and wonderfully acted, serving almost as archetypes in some cases. For example, Dolores Umbridge, the hawkish, almost fascist member of the Ministry of Magic, serves as the most evil character in any series. Her prissy, old-fashionedly feminine exterior belies her sinister intentions, toadying for the Minister's ignorance regarding the return of Voldemort and then using Draconian measures of punishment at Hogwarts on students whose only crime is satisfying their child-like curiosity. Her slow transformation of the school into a police state was the absolute best part of Order of the Phoenix, and one of the most effective displays of villainy short of portraying someone like Mobuto Sese Seko or Pol Pot in film.

Then there's Neville Longbottom, who throughout the series, is the prime example of all that is good in the world. From when we first see him in The Sorcerer's Stone until his final triumph in the last film, he is always fighting for what's right, even if he's not very good at executing his intentions at first. However, the way that he is portrayed, you can't help but root for the kid, making his triumph over Voldemort and his aiding of Harry in his final fight almost as satisfying – if not more so – than Harry's resolutions.

That's where Rowling and by proxy the filmmakers who were tasked with animating her fictional characters succeeded. From the ideation of the characters through casting to their final ends, whenever they may have been, each character was real, lifelike, even though they existed entirely in a fantasy world. From the bit players like Prof. Trelawny, through to the supporting characters like Bellatrix LeStrange and Sirius Black all the way to the main core, Harry, Hermione, Ron, Dumbledore, Snape, Voldemort and Hagrid, they all felt so real.

And that's why I can't begrudge the hardcore fans for being so sad that this is over. Having felt the same pangs over the end of LOST last year, I can empathize. Although the Potter series didn't strike the same chord of fanaticism in me that LOST or that pro wrestling still does, that doesn't mean I can't recognize it for how well-done and rewarding the entire series has been. I too feel like there's going to be a void in theaters now that Potter is finished. It's not like it's the only series that has legs, but it's definitely a series that I could wholeheartedly count on to deliver on a great film watching experience.

So with that, I bid a fond adieu to Harry Potter and his friends, enemies and acquaintances. It's been a great ride, and everyone involved should be proud of themselves.

Some Real Fantasy Booking with CM Punk!

Punk, the conquering hero of SEVERAL realms!
Photo Credit: WWE.com

So, CM Punk may be unemployed right now, but he's still defending the WWE Championship. Monday, he announced an impromptu title defense against a very formidable Japanese challenger:

On my couch. About to put the title on the line against Piston Honda.

Okay, Hiroshi Tanahashi or any other New Japan star it wasn't but hey, that Honda Rush has taken out many an unwitting fighter. Just ask Little Mac. Anyway, we haven't gotten any spoilers on whether that match was a success for Punk or not (WHERE ARE THE DIRTSHEET REPORTERS WHEN YOU FUCKING NEED THEM), but I can only assume it was a success since he was seen with the title later that evening at Wrigley Field.

This begs the question, what other places will Punk show up to defend the title? We all thought that it would be ROH or NJPW or some other indie or foreign fed, but now, with this first title defense out of the way, it's time to start lining up some of his next defenses. Unless he shows up next week to interrupt the Miz/Rey match, then I'm guessing he's out for awhile, and while he deserves a vacation, I'm not so sure he can stay still for that long of a time. So, in the spirit of that first defense, here's some fantasy booking in the truest sense of the word fantasy...

- First defense, Punk vs. Mario in a Mushroom Kingdom Madness match, which is like a Falls Count Anywhere match using warp pipes to go to the different areas. It's set up in a tag match between Punk and Mario against Bowser and Jimmy Jacobs, when Punk turns on the Italian plumber, disagreeing with his use of performance enhancing fungi. The match of course ends with Punk winning, hitting a Go to Sleep on Mario after distracting him by laying down some warp pipe on Peach.

- CM Punk vs. Tyrion Lannister. Not in a wrestling match, but in a contest to see who can slap the shit out of Joffrey the most.



That will never, ever get old.

- Harry Potter vs. Lord Voldemort. What does this have to do with Punk? Well, Harry's Petronus is Punk. The most powerful one there is, I might add.

- Punk vs. Chuck Norris in a battle to claim the outlandish meme. Punk quits, because he doesn't want to be associated with the lameness.

- Punk travels to the void to do battle with Randy Savage in a match that would make the Internet explode. Savage would obviously have the match won with the flying elbow, but as a courtesy to Punk, he gets himself disqualified because he has no need for mortal Championship belts in the afterlife. Plus, he prevented the fucking Rapture. That's all the recognition the Macho Man needs.

- Punk joins the cast of Next Food Network Star midseason. He wins the whole competition with his GTS Pizza, then has a three way with Rachael Ray and Giada de Laurentiis, using EVOO as the lubricant. Highest ratings in network history. Guy Fieri's head explodes, causing @DangerGuerrero to celebrate like the Rebel Alliance just blew up the Death Star outside of Endor.

- Punk visits the LOST island and wrestles the Smoke Monster to a time limit draw. Even fantasy characters from totally fictional TV shows have their political chicanery.

Yeah, so that's a lot of fantasy booking for one night. The possibilities are endless, almost infinite. There's just so much Punk can do before ending his vacation and coming back to claim his rightful throne as King BAMF of WWE.

NOTE: I was not on drugs during this post. I SWEAR.

Your Midweek Links: Money in the Bank and Harry Potter, A Decent Combo

Punk got a lot of people talking
Photo Credit: WWE.com

It's hump day, so here are some links to help get you through the rest of the week:

Self-Shilling:

- Me and Mike Meech of The Fightins discuss baseball, baseball, more baseball, cheesesteaks and the old WWF Ice Cream Bars on The Wrestling Podcast [Episode 11: Junkyard Doggystyle]

- Why I picked the RAW Money in the Bank match as my favorite this week at Fair to Flair [Your Match of the Week, 7/11-7/17]

Wrestling Links:

- The Masked Man welcomes us to the era of the worked shoot. [Grantland]

- A review of the latest offering from Anarchy Championship Wrestling [Dirty Dirty Sheets]

- John Cena proved to be money in the bank at Money in the Bank [Camel Clutch Blog]

- Meanwhile, CM Punk isn't lacking in hype and buzz himself now. [Kentucky Fried 'Rasslin']

- CM Punk and the day WWE changed for the better [On Wrestling]

- Razor's review of Money in the Bank [Kick-out!! Wrestling]

- Five Good Things about Money in the Bank [Grapple Kingdom]

- CM Punk is a prophet [I Ain't My Kitty Cat]

- Rachel Davies quotes Boston to describe her feelings about CM Punk [WrestleGasm]

- Andre Harrison's Money in the Bank review [The Harrison Analysis]

- Even The Smoking Section has a Money in the Bank review. That's how important Sunday was. [The Smoking Section]

- Some grounded words about MitB. [Wrestling Theory]

- Another live report from someone who went to MitB [Skalba's Scribe]

- I LOVE YOU POP [Fair to Flair]

- Jeff Hardy's drug trial will now drag on into September. At this rate, his case will be decided by a jury of apes presided over by Judge Dr. Zaius [Cageside Seats]

- Chavo Guerrero, Phony Maverick [Camel Clutch Blog]

- The trickle-down effect of Sin Cara's WWE suspension [Lucha Blog]

- Heath Slater, One Man Rock Band [PizzaBodySlam Tumblr]

- Chris Hero is an innovator in brutal-ass strike combos [Musings of a Mark]

- Smashing Pumpkins' latest music video, featuring Cheerleader Melissa and Shelly Martinez. [Diva Dirt]

- With Leather Triple Feature, Pt. 1 - 20 clips that deserve to go viral. I was there for the last one! Heavy does of Chikara here. [With Leather]

- With Leather Triple Feature, Pt. 2 - The Best and Worst of Money in the Bank 2011 [With Leather]

- With Leather Triple Feature, Pt. 3 - The Best and Worst of RAW for 7/18 [With Leather]

- Interview with Mr. Anderson saying that if he's still wrestling in five years, someone should shoot him. I say shoot him now because he's terrible. [Dover Post]

- Jake Roberts promo from World Class [South Atlanta Wrestling]

Jamie Dobson Interviews:

None this week

Non-Wrestling Links:

- Nine classic albums reimagined to theme with Harry Potter. [Next Movie]

- Speaking of The Boy Who Lived, here's a comic that will probably describe you during your viewing experience of The Deathly Hallows, Part 2 [Pants Are Overrated]

- And for those of you who like pervin' on Emma Watson... [Unreality Mag]

- Potter's not the only movie making waves though. Five new Captain America posters [Blast-o-Rama]

- But the US isn't the only country with its own national superhero [Buzz Feed]

- James Franco wanted to appear in Breaking Dawn for the best reason anyone would want to appear in those festering piles of suck other than "to get laid" [Film Drunk]

- I'd settle for just mega coach. [The Oatmeal]

- The US uses the Charlie Harper method for leaving Afghanistan [The Onion]

- Memo to Phillies fans on the ledge. Quitcherbitchin' [The Good Phight]

- Kid murder his parents, then parties afterwards. [Gawker]

- Poor dog just wanted some sleep. [Cool Dogs]

- A leopard on a rampage in India? Yep. [Uproxx]

- The ten worst losses in USA Sports history [Sports Pickle]

- This Virginia Trader Joe's really loves Parks and Recreation. [The Daily What]

- What Apple could learn from Google+ [Cult of Mac]

- Scariest handjob ever. [Deadspin]

- A sneak peek at the new Gredunza Press [Aggressive Art]

- SPIN Magazine paying tribute to Nirvana's Nevermind [The Smoking Section]

- Trollin' during SEC media day... [Every Day Should Be Saturday]

- Games that should have existed back in the day [Cracked]

- Unsilent Majority with the FJM treatment on a writer for my county's newspaper. I'm ashamed that this guy writes for a newspaper located within a mile or so of me [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

- If the NBA has a prolonged lockout, a look at the players who'd go overseas in the interim [Grantland]

- Okay, okay, it's technically a WL Quadruple Feature, but I couldn't resist posting this bike crash porn [With Leather]

- Miz Girl has a relative who goes to Giants games in Frisco [Big League Stew]

- The ten most bangable celebs in the world today. Somehow, they left AJ Lee off this list. Oh wait, I guess she'd have to be a REAL celebrity and just a celebrity to us wrestling nerds who like Divas who are just starting out in WWE and aren't really known by anyone but us. [Pajiba]

- Who greenlit the Captain Planet movie? Ugh... [Topless Robot]

- When Meech said that ZWR was a Picasso with MS Paint, this is the kind of thing he was referring to [Zoo With Roy]

- Aluminum material to make electric cars viable? As a nerd with his degree in Materials Science and Engineering from Drexel, I say awesome. ProTip: aluminum would make combustion cars a buttload more fuel efficient too (if you take care of the whole "way less sturdy" than steel problem it has) [Gamma Squad]

- Teach me how to Doug-ie [Skull Swap]

- A plea to Rupert Murdoch to take down ESPN. Well, he'd have to worry about News of the World taking him down and people throwing pies in his face before he did that now, wouldn't he? [Hugging Harold Reynolds]

- The Predators are at a crossroads with their three best players. [Puck Daddy]

- This video singlehandedly changed my negative opinion on Russians to a positive one. Epic Meal Time, you genius bastards. [Epic Meal Time]

- Florida State is back. It's true, each decade becomes big again 20 years after the fact [Dr. Saturday]

- This is irony. [Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal]

- Two important Season 2 roles cast for Game of Thrones [Warming Glow]

- And just because I can, last week's Corgi Friday, the best in hover corgis [Warming Glow]

- An animated short about Ryan Howard and Chase Utley: Best Friends [The 700 Level]

- Review of X-Men: Schism, Vol. 1 [Comic Books and Whatever]