Instant Feedback: Like Mussolini, and Kennedy

I'm getting the feeling that I got back in 1998, like RAW was going to be an event. Only I'm not. You see, would we have gotten three PPV quality matches on the show in 1998? Miz/Rey, Dolph/Bourne and Rey/Cena were all fucking amazing matches. del Rio/Kofi wasn't bad, although Kofi was a bit sloppy. Still, regardless of the execution, the intent was there to have a show jam packed with great wrestling. In that regard, there were no qualms, and it was way better than what we'd get in the Attitude Era.

That being said, there's a buzz around the show like there was back in that era. They seem to be hitting on all cylinders again with the strong character work and hooks that leave people astounded. I mean, there have been great shows in the last couple of years, but only one moment before 6/27 has left me with the feeling I've been having regularly in the last month. That was the Nexus' debut. Since then, you have CM Punk, John Cena, Vince McMahon, Triple H, Jim Ross, Michael Cole, R-Truth and now Zack Ryder giving me these moments. It's great.

The Triple H state of the WWE address was as well-done as anything he's done in the last three years. I know some people can't palate his comedy, but that's when I really get him best. He's naturally funny to me, and his interplay with Truth was outstanding. I think it helped that Truth is just the funniest guy out there right now. And hey, how about the Ryder cameo? It's almost like everything about this show was geared towards sending some section of the fans home happy.

That includes the end. Is the WWE running a bit too fast with Punk's return? Maybe they are, but conversely, Punk's iron is hot right now. I can understand wanting to capitalize on having the hottest property in pro wrestling on my program, whether he's been away for too long or not long enough. And to me, it doesn't matter when or where he comes back, it matters the execution. Tonight, it was executed perfectly. Cena winning the paper title, "Cult of Personality" blaring over the speakers, Punk coming out with a new Titantron, wearing his eBay hot property tee? Christ, I got goosebumps.

So yeah, if this is a taste of how things are going to run with Trips in charge, then I'm all aboard. IF we can get to a return of buzzworthy wrestling without the impetus of another company pushing them, then fuck, I love it. Tonight was a special show, another in a line of three or four in the last month.

It's Clobberin' Time

Whenever CM Punk comes out for a match, he cups his hands to his mouth and shouts "IT'S CLOBBERIN' TIME!" For those who don't know what that's a reference to, well, I'm not sure I want to know you it's the catchphrase of Ben "The Thing" Grimm, only the most awesome member of the Fantastic Four. Why am I saying this? Well, because cuckolding Triple H and being a voice for the voiceless members of the WWE Universe who want Zack Ryder on TV weren't the only things Punk was doing in San Diego ComiCon. He just tweeted this message, linking to this picture:

Photo Credit: CM Punk

That was drawn by noted comic artist Josh Adams. It's pretty fucking awesome. Like, seriously fucking awesome. Like, if I wasn't having a kid in two months and didn't feel like changing my laptop wallpaper more than once before the end of the year, I'd totally make this my laptop wallpaper right now.

Weekend Wrap-Up: It's Punk's World

Sorry everyone, but to me, the only thing that happened this weekend was Money in the Bank, and I already wrote the review last night. In other news, CM Punk found a good home for the Spinner Belt:

Photo Credit: CM Punk

Punk Week Flashback: Haha, Shannon Moore's a Toolbag

CM Punk was famously asked if he was afraid he'd get the "Shannon Moore treatment" in WWE, and in classic Punk style, he snarkily replied that hey, Shannon Moore has a house. If that was the last time that Punk and Moore crossed paths, it'd be pretty uneventful, but it wasn't. This segment is just so goddamn beautiful that I could cry. Watch:



Punk delivers one line and slaps the taste out of Moore's mouth, and bam, it's the greatest segment in wrestling history. Is it because I have a visceral hatred of everything having to do with the Hardys and their friends in character? Maybe, but Punk's badassery here cannot be denied either.

Friday Five: CM Punk

All about the Straight Edge Savior.

1. What has been your favorite CM Punk match since coming to WWE? Across all feds?

2. Buy or sell: Punk is the biggest babyface on the WWE roster.

3. Buy or sell 2: Punk is the best announcer in WWE right now.

4. When do you think Punk "arrived" as a WWE superstar?

5. Do you think CM Punk is leaving after Sunday? If so, for how long?

I Want Ice Cream

Stolen from: @typicalROHfan, who stole it from someone's Tumblr

I really don't think I need to explain why this is fucking awesome.

Punk Week Flashback: "My Diet Soda, John"

So, remember back when John Cena was "fired" the first time? Yeah, it was like he never left at all, because he didn't. Well, that wasn't the only thing that stuck in CM Punk's craw. When Cena gave Heath "Rumplestiltskin" Slater the Attitude Adjustment through the announce table, he spilled Punk's diet soda. Of course, Punk got his revenge with a chair shot later. But here's the genesis of that...



...but later on, Cena would definitely be more mindful of Punk's diet beverage of choice later on.

Punk Week Flashback: Punk Wins His First World Championship

For whatever reason, I missed the opening of RAW on June 30, 2008. Of course, on that day, they had to do something historic, like having CM Punk win the fuckin' World Heavyweight Championship. It just goes to show that Punk has always had a flair for the dramatic, even before he became fully actualized on a WWE stage. The thing that totally makes this moment is the celebration at the end. You can tell he was legitimately excited, or if he wasn't, that he did a good job pretending. That's one of the many reasons why people watch pro wrestling.

As an aside, remember when Punk was first going up against Cena at the end of last year/beginning of this year? He called Batista his friend. Watching this, I'm reminded a big reason why.

The Best Moves Ever, Punk Week: Pepsi Plunge

CM Punk's finisher before he got to WWE was a top rope pedigree called the Pepsi Plunge. He couldn't do it in WWE for obvious reasons, but other than the doofus son-in-law (I will forever love Punk for that line, by the way), it's a good thing he had to adapt because he'd have Rey Mysterio knees right now if he had to finish every match with the Plunge. But that doesn't make it any less awesome of a visual. Here we see him doing it to some dude in Hammer pants right on top of Colt Cabana.

If Punk Loses, What Is Acceptable?

Cena could beat Punk clean... will it be greeted with open minds?
Photo Credit: WWE.com

There's a distinct possibility that CM Punk is going to beat John Cena Sunday. Whether he sticks around after, takes the title with him or gets cashed-in on after he wins the title by one (or more) Money in the Bank winner(s). The beauty of the main event is that it could virtually go in any direction. The possibilities are endless.

But with "endless" come the possibilities that Cena actually wins his match. Yes, it would defy logic at this point, given the amount of pomp and build that Punk has received. IT wouldn't make sense to job him out, but WWE Creative has proven they don't make sense from time to time. Is Cena going over Punk out of the realm of possibility? Well no, it's not. But is that a problem? Well, it depends on the way he loses.

I think we can all agree that SUPERCENA rearing his ugly head and dispatching CM Punk to his couch in Chicago would be the worst possible outcome and one that would make everyone collectively lose their shit, right? Well yeah, but how do we know what's SUPERCENA and what's just Cena making a comeback? Can Cena win clean without getting backlash, or at the very least, deserving backlash? I'm not sure about that, at least for the first part.

I mean, if Punk loses clean, we're on the precipice of an Internet meltdown over here. It's not that there are degrees of losing clean in some people's minds. Losing clean is a burial if it's a darling losing to someone monolithic. Always. It's one of the things I hate about the way people react sometimes. There's no perspective, no foresight. However, this time might be different because CM Punk could be leaving, and he's been blisteringly hot lately. I think I'd be pissed off if Cena just blows through Punk like he's a typical Cena PPV opponent.

I don't know. There's so much uncertainty going into Sunday, but I think that disappointment could be on the horizon. I hope not, because I want them to hit a home run here, but at the same time, the WWE hasn't exactly earned our trust in regards to a truly happy ending for anyone other than Cena and lately Randy Orton. That all being said, I have this perversely optimistic feeling that if Punk goes down, he's going down with a fight or even better, to someone other than Cena.

Punk Week Flashback: "I Bet You Know Something about Prescriptions"

Punk won his first World Championship in 2008, cashing in his Money in the Bank briefcase on a wobbly, just-beaten-up-by-Big-Dave Edge, but his first real Championship moment came when he cashed in his second briefcase on Jeff Hardy. Fans didn't react to Punk as a conquering hero the second time around because at the time Hardy was their conquering hero. If this happened two years later... well actually, that'd be impossible since Hardy would fail the piss test required of him to work for WWE and my guess is Punk wouldn't be caught dead in an Impact Wrestling ring. That being said, knowing what we know now, how was Punk the heel in this situation? Anyway, this is the epic promo that sealed the deal for Punk as a star performer in WWE, at least in my opinion.

Instant Feedback: PUNK HARDER AGAIN

If tonight was any indication, the WWE is going to miss CM Punk if he's really leaving. While all this pomp and build makes me believe that they're not going to be letting him walk, well, tonight he proved that when he's on, he can take wrestling to another level. Even though it was a little crass, he was right when he said the only times wrestling gets front page pub is when he talks or a wrestler dies. That's publicity you can't buy. And really, this is only half of what Punk can do. He wrestles just as well as he talks, and he'll prove that at Money in the Bank, because Cena can too.

Speaking of Cena, outside of the beginning of his spiel after interrupting the contract negotiations, where Bad Goofy Cena reared his ugly head again, he was on point when he was serious. Hell, both bookend segments were outstanding. Vince McMahon acquitted himself well too, but he almost always does. He even broke out the "LET'S HEAR IT FOR VINCE MCMAHON" schtick again. Love that. Although one last note, is it a sad commentary on the city of Boston that it was Punk calling Cena the Yankees that made him snap? I'm from Philly, and we take sports very seriously, but even I think that's an almost sad breaking point.

Anyway, the rest of the show was just there, but it didn't really have to be anything but just there. The Money in the Bank prep was hit or miss. I will say that R-Truth talking about being afraid of spiders and the grits hitting the fan was again surreally entertaining. Christ, he should just do stand-up. He'd be like Tracy Morgan, only less controversial. Other than that, it felt warmed over. Miz was okay in his promo. Swagger was good. Bourne was actually decent on the mic, and then Kofi comes out and cuts the most generic promo I've ever heard. I mean, he's got good delivery... but who's writing this bullshit for him? Then after Truth's manic awesomeness, we get Alex Riley clearing the ring in the most nonsensical fashion ever... like, wouldn't he want to come out before SWAGGAH BOMBU? I don't know. The match was okay though.

Also, the Bella Twins should probably stay away from weight-based insults altogether. Calling Kharma fat is the wrong message. Calling Kelly Kelly overly skinny? Uh, have these twins looked in the mirror lately? Nattie, Beth Phoenix, Eve and Melina all have great body types. The Bellas are just as bad as K2. Maybe they should eat something more than bean sprouts and their fingers. And if you want to get a good reaction over the number of handicap matches on the show, just ask Razor. He'll give you the what for.

But then again, the sandwich portion of RAW could have been 90 minutes of monkeys on tricycles trying to fling poop at Santino and Hornswoggle and it wouldn't have mattered. Punk, McMahon and to a lesser extent Cena made this show. Is wrestling back? I'm not qualified to make that statement, because I'll probably continue to watch even if it turtles into further cultural obscurity. That, and if Punk leaves after Sunday, it's all for naught. However, RAW for the last three weeks has felt special, a certain kind of specialness it's lacked for a long time. Vince, Cena and ESPECIALLY Punk are the reasons why.

Has Punk Been a Success in WWE? Of Course He Has, Stop Being Dramatic

The portrait of a WWE success story
Photo Credit: WWE.com

For five years, CM Punk has gone nearly non-stop for WWE. Since being brought into the ECW brand, he's been on TV for the most part excepting a week or two between injuries. Even so, he's been in the public eye as an announcer when he's been hurt. He pretty humorously replied someone who asked him how he could stay on the program without using painkillers that he's "not a pussy". So now, as the Zero Hour approaches, many people are left to ask "Has Punk been a success in WWE in those five years?"

Those people miss the point entirely. Of course the man has been a success. A resounding one, I'd say.

The argument that a lot of people have is that CM Punk has been misused, mistreated or even buried in WWE since coming up. They point to long PPV losing streaks or shoddy booking and I get it. Punk hasn't been used optimally in WWE. I mean, I'd have booked him differently, but at the same time, you can say that for nearly everyone in the company save John Cena or Triple H at some point during the last five years. Even golden children like Randy Orton have had the run of bad booking slung against them. It's a fact of life.

Meanwhile, in his time in WWE, Punk has won the ECW Championship, the World Tag Team Titles, two Money in the Bank briefcases, the Intercontinental Championship, three World Championships, was featured prominently in two straight Royal Rumbles, got to be the guy who chased Jeff Hardy out of WWE, has a winning streak against Cena and was deemed to be so important by WWE that he was placed in the commentary position while injured. I'd say all of that is pretty successful by any metric.

It seems like there's a certain portion of the Internet that wants to paint all their indie favorites as martyrs, and that the WWE does EVERYTHING to screw them. It's microanalysis that ignores the bad treatment that other guys have gotten and dishonestly pretends that Punk is somehow maltreated. Even if he was made to look like a jackass at every turn, the maltreatment argument is bunk, because they're paying him pretty well.

So can the talk about him being unsuccessful is bunk. Could he have been "treated better"? Sure, but that's the nature of WWE nowadays. It's not acceptable in that they need to change their practices, but let's not pretend they're doing wrong by Punk (or Daniel Bryan or Evan Bourne or any other indie guy who made it), okay?

Punk Week Flashback: Chavo Gets KABONG'D~!

CM Punk got his start in the bigs in ECW, where he got over in fairly short order. Within two years, he became the brand's Champion, losing the title in early 2008 to Chavo Guerrero. Chavito, after his title win, went on to gloat about how Punk was nothing more than a stepping stone, yadda yadda yadda. He got a mariachi band and dropped balloons from the ceiling. Punk disguised himself as one of the guitarists and dropped an acoustic on top of Chavo's head. Somewhere in Nashville, Jeff Jarrett punched a TV.

Weekend Wrap-Up: Destination Success

I wonder if A Double demanded So Cal Val as part of his terms before signing his contract
Photo Credit: ImpactWrestling.com

- For once, Impact Wrestling was the buzz of the grappling world for a GOOD reason. Destination X was a critical success, a harkening back to the days when TNA was fun and before it was ruined by Vince Russo's vision for what sports entertainment should be. For the first time, an Impact PPV was talked about for the action rather than how bad it was or how fucked up one of its main eventers was coming out for a match. Brian Kendrick ended our long national nightmare of Abyss as X-Division Champion by upending him last night. Austin Aries won the Impact contract, and hopefully, third time's the charm for A Double. He really deserves a chance to make serious coin and be a national star. Shark Boy appeared and apparently won a match, which is a cool throwback. Alex Shelley won the Ultimate X match. In the main event, AJ Styles defeated Christopher Daniels. Lots of positive feedback for this one. Here's hoping that everyone who watched bought it and that a lot of people bought so as to send a message to Dixie and her cronies.

- NWA Hollywood tapings were yesterday, and as with other tapings, well, it's hard to find results online. However, two notes. One, Tom Ford attended and will most likely have a recap later on today or tomorrow. Two, the Tribe upended Natural Selection for the NWA Heritage Tag Team Championships.

- ROH toured the Mid-Atlantic Friday and Saturday. The Richmond show had somewhat of a skeleton crew working for it, as several talents (the Bravados, Adam Cole and Kyle O'Reilly, Mike Bennett) working two matches. Apparently, Chris Hero got stranded via weather, but it still seems like a light show for the country's top indie. On the Richmond card, Cole and O'Reilly defeated the Bravados (who scored a surprise, TWGTT-assisted win over the Briscoes earlier in the night) for a shot at Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas at a later date. Speaking of the Champs, they retained their titles against El Generico and Colt Cabana. In the main event, the American Wolves defeated Michael Elgin and Roderick Strong. They're really pushing the House of Truth as a major faction. Saturday in Charlotte saw the weather cooperate with Hero enough for him to be able to make the trip. He took out Cabana in his match. There were two non-title matches to headline the card, as Haas and Benjamin defeated the Bravados, and in the main event, Generico bested Strong in a steel cage.

- Site announcement! This week will be Punk Week on the blog. Why? Because this might be the last week CM Punk is in professional wrestling for a good long time. We must celebrate him! Expect some blogs to be dropped with him as the subject and for Punk to be the subject of a few of the features this week. All will culminate in a review of Money in the Bank, the show which may very well be known mostly for the Straight Edge Savior. Enjoy!

Having It Both Ways: Ways Cena Can Lose the Title and Not Get Fired

Can their clash at Money in the Bank end with Punk victorious and Cena still employed?
Photo Credit: WWE.com

The nadir for some of RAW on Monday was the end, where Vince McMahon laid down the stipulation for John Cena to be allowed to face CM Punk at Money in the Bank. If Cena allowed Punk to walk out of WWE with the Spinner Belt, he'd be fired. If it sounds familiar, well yeah, Cena had his job at stake in the Survivor Series main event, where if Wade Barrett didn't win the WWE Championship, he'd get shitcanned. Despite the fact that Randy Orton retained the title, Cena did not miss a single minute of run time. While I didn't have a problem with it at the time, in retrospect, it totally contributed to the total rushed feeling of the end of that angle.

So yeah, I can see where some skepticism would come in as to whether this is going to end up alright. I was caught up in the moment, so it didn't bother me then. It doesn't bother me now and won't bother me in the payoff unless it involves SuperCena decimating Punk. As with any intriguing scenario though, there are several great possibilities, and fantasy bookers everywhere have come up with scenarios. Two of my favorite have come from commenter Lucius/Havok816 of A1-Wrestling and Razor of Kick-Out!! However, both would involve Cena being gone from camera for a period of time. While I think Cena being out for a month or so wouldn't hurt, well, they were reluctant to do it in December, the deadest of the dead times for the company. Why would they do it in the build to SummerSlam?

However, there are ways that Cena can come out of this without his title but still with his job. I've got a bunch of scenarios that would fit the bill...

1. The Money in the Bank Winner Cashes in on CM Punk

This is the most obvious one, and it's the least creative one. Still, depending on who wins the briefcase, they could do worse than to crown a new Champion this way. I'm still not convinced that Cena/Rock SHOULD be for the title (it really doesn't need it), so Cena winning it back might not be a foregone conclusion.

2. CM Punk swerves the shit out of everyone, pulls out his extension and signs it of his own free will, preferably on top of the Spinner Belt

This would jibe with his tweets that mimicked his LiveJournal post, which ended in him signing his WWE developmental deal on top of the ROH World Championship. This is also my personal choice for an outcome, because it would mean a return match at SummerSlam most likely (Punk and Cena have PHENOMENAL chemistry in this blogger's view) and it would mean Punk's staying and is Champion. I don't feel like this needs more explanation.

3. Cena gets Punk to sign an extension as a way to keep his job

Here's the scenario. Punk wins the title, gets up holding the belt like the cat who ate the canary. He's strutting around, absorbing the adulation of his hometown crowd, ready to ride off into the sunset with his prize, going to the highest bidder. That is, until Cena, defeated, weary, broken, drags his body to the corner and calls for a microphone. He makes an impassioned plea for his job, letting Punk know that he did him a solid by putting his job on the line. Punk, being a man of honor and realizing that Cena did stand up for him after he basically ran The former Champ down for being an ass-kisser, returns the favor by signing an extension, sparing Cena's job. From there, he either turns face, or he continues the feud with Cena by kicking him in the face. Either one would do for me, as I don't care how Punk is presented, as long as he's there, y'know?

4. Punk and/or Cena somehow incapacitate Mr. McMahon before he can officially fire Cena

This one's multi-faceted. Basically, the end result is that McMahon gets put back into his coma due to a brutal beating before he can officially fire Cena. It might seem cheap in terms of semantics or whatnot, but it's also something WWE has pulled in the past. This would be the best option for them to keep Cena and still let Punk walk (triggering the story that Razor talked about on Episode 61 of Kick-Out!! Radio where they'd be without the WWE Championship for a month or more). The most intriguing iteration of this would be Punk and Cena teaming up. It would no doubt be the completion of Punk's major star turn, as he'd be aligned with Cena taking out the dastardly curmudgeon, Vince McMahon. A lot of things have changed in wrestling since 1997, but Vince McMahon's potential to be a proper villainous foil for ANYONE is one thing that's stayed the same.

5. Punk reveals himself the GM, re-hires Cena and holds the belt hostage for as long as he's on vacation

The more I think about it, the more I think this could be the best option. The scuttlebutt is that Punk definitely is leaving. I'm hesitant to believe it, because for one, the WWE could be working everyone though a GLAAD release and two, it's hard to believe that the career arc for Punk would be as such for a guy who's leaving, from him winning matches in the last two months to the big promo moment to the whole story devoted to him. That being said, if he does leave, allowing him to remain in the minds of the WWE fans as a remote GM voice wouldn't be the worst idea. Plus, it would allow for a lot of freedom to act within the time Punk's away as well as a ready-made story for his return.

Those are my five best options. Truthfully, my gut feeling, the one I've had all along actually, is that Punk is going to leave for a few months to a half-year and that we should be preparing for life without the best total performer in the business. And again, as long as he's not SuperCena'd into oblivion, I'm fine with it. However, it would be nice to have him sticking around, especially if he were the Champion.

Your Midweek Links: I'm the Only One Who Liked RAW Apparently

Punk still creating conversation
Photo Credit: WWE.com

It's hump day, so here are some links to get you through the rest of the week.

Self-Shilling:

- Episode 9 of The Wrestling Podcast! Razor and I talk about CM Punk, why he hates Randy Orton and what a better wrestling journalism actually means. [Wrestle-phenia]

- My Camel Clutch Blog piece from last week is all about diffusing the trolls who say I'm biased against Impact. Well, I kinda am biased against it, but because I'm biased against shitty, shitty wrestling. [I Want (Good) Wrestling]

- And my BRAND SPANKIN' NEW CCB Column discusses John Cena and why he should stop being such a damn smartass, dammit. [Hustle, Loyalty and Respect, not Cheap Rocky Imitations, Please, John Cena]

- I give the FJM treatment to a dumb letter writer to the Philadelphia Daily News on my Tumblr Page [AMURKA! (FJMing a Letter to a Newspaper)]

Wrestling Links:

- Justin Henry on CM Punk making pro wrestling fun again. [Wrestling News Source]

- Honestly, how many among the wrestling blogosphere need to stand up and say the fat-shaming of Vickie Guerrero is wrong before WWE does something about it? My guess is it'll never be enough... [Camel Clutch Blog]

- Flashing back to Hardcore Heaven '99 and the Dudley Boyz raising hell. [South Atlanta Wrestling]

- Mitch's RAW Review, in handy Woo!/Boo! format [Fair to Flair]

- B-Stroud's Best and Worst of RAW... with those last two takes on RAW, am I the only person in the world who COMPLETELY enjoyed Monday's show? [With Leather]

- Bill Baconhill's new blog! [The Goozle]

- Trey Irby doesn't wanna hear the words "slut, whore" or the like again. He should probably not watch Impact then. [Wrestling Theory]

- KSP encouraging you to follow @BobbyHeenandSaid on Twitter. You should too. I don't feel like I need to explain this. [Footnotes of Wrestling]

- A Dirty Dirty interview with Kikutaro, the consensus best comedic wrestler around in Japan right now [Dirty Dirty Sheets]

- Just because, the Kenny Omega-Is-The-Champion-of-the-Anywhere-Match video again [PizzaBodySlam Tumblr]

- Chyna will do a YouShoot. Thankfully for us, that's not a pornographic thing. [Diva Dirt]

- S. Bruce takes time off from digging up dirt about the major companies to tell us why shoot angles don't always work. [Cageside Seats]

- Listen to this, and if you don't bust your gut laughing then, I don't know what to tell you. [Kick-Out!! Blog]

- Kelly Kelly doesn't deserve to be called a slut, but for crying out loud, fire away at her for not knowing the history of the fucking company she works for. Also, the same applies to Kofi Kingston, although I don't think he was ever called a slut. [Wrestlespective]

Jamie Dobson Interviews:

No new interviews posted this week

Non-Wrestling Links:

- I get name-dropped on the House of PUNTE! But more importantly, Larry Brown and Brandon Stroud are guests and it's the return of SHAKEY! [House of PUNTE, Episode 81]

- Nerdy pick-up lines! [Topless Robot]

- GAY BACON STRIPS [Epic Meal Time]

- 8 lines that would have made Star Wars an infinitely more boring movie [Dorkly]

- First Tupac's murderer comes clean, now someone confesses to being an accessory to Biggie's murder? I'd make a joke about Big Pun and a cheeseburger, but I don't need the hip hop community coming after me. [The Smoking Section]

- Clever girl. [Buzz Feed]

- Alexander Ovechkin Geography FAIL [Up Next in Sports]

- They Might Be Giants covering Chumbawumba? They Might Be Giants covering Chumbawumba. [AV Club]

- Seven bits of good news that defy the old journalistic maxim of "if it bleeds, it leads" (and therefore you probably don't know about them) [Cracked]

- Ewan MacGregor and Chris O'Dowd playing lightsaber baseball. Yep. [Jezebel]

- I want this shirt [The Daily What]

- Becky Conner be trollin' Rex Ryan HARDCORE [Hugging Harold Reynolds]

- Oh man, I wanna go to Meatland. [Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal]

- Book covers made from video games... kinda cool, kinda creepy [Unreality Mag]

- The most anticipated films of 2013. Joke's on them, cuz we'll all be dead! HAHAHA [Pajiba]

- Russia, Ukraine and South Korea don't want Captain America to go America all over their box offices, apparently. [Film Drunk]

- Drew Magary's back from vacation, answering questions about cosplay, bequeathments and other stuff as only he can. [Deadspin]

- Phillies Tazer kid gets Web Redemption on Tosh.0 [The 700 Level]

- Explosions in the Sky make their first music video ever. [Blast-o-Rama]

- The Birmingham dog and the guy who made 'em best. [Grantland]

- NAWWWW, it's a cute puppy! And it has an opinion on the designated hitter! [With Leather]

- Just in case you weren't sick enough of the Casey Anthony trial on Facebook and Twitter yesterday, here are celebrities reacting to it. [Hollywood Reporter]

- Moral of the story? Don't offer $125M as a gag bet. [Crashburn Alley]

- Jon Hamm is a very emotive human being. Just another reason why he's like way better than you or I could possibly ever hope to be. [Uproxx]

- Don't worry about the NBA Lockout [Quickish]

- Turns out I'm not the only one sad to see Mike Richards head to LA [Flyers Goal Scored By]

- Zesty interceptions are the best ones, plus other awesome lists [Every Day Should Be Saturday]

- New He-Man movie coming out? Surely, it can't be any worse than the late '80s movie.... wait, don't call you Shirley? Wrong movie. [Gamma Squad]

- Classic Marilyn Monroe picture. In an unrelated note, if I had a time machine, I'd try to go back and woo MM. Of course, I could do a bunch of other good shit, but I'm selfish. Plus, Marilyn was fucking hot, amirite guise? [Skull Swap]

- RIAA going after radio stations now. [The Onion]

- A ginger with a mullet. Your argument... well, you know. [Next Round]

- The Big 10: Three yards, a cloud of dust and now cookies. [Dr. Saturday]

- NHL Free Agency Report Cards [Puck Daddy]

- Peter King's on vacation, so Bill Simmons gets the FJM treatment this week. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

- 10 Disgusting Eating Competitions. Not listed: The Sardinian Maggot Cheese Eat-Off. [Sports Pickle]

- Shane Victorino gets murdered by the Rogers Centre field. This should amuse Mets fans, but then they have to go back facing the reality that they're fans of the Mets after their moment of schadenfreude fleets. [The Fightins]

- The 10 best corgi blogs on the 'Net. TRY TO DENY THEIR CUTENESS. [Warming Glow]

Future Endeavors 7/2 Power Poll: And That's a Shoot... OR IS IT ZOMG

Hi Colt Cabana!
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Welcome to yet another edition of the Future Endeavors Power Poll, a poll ranking wrestlers on a weekly basis based on how awesomely they performed or were portrayed on a Tuesday-to-Monday cycle. It is voted by a who's-who of wrestling bloggers, including my blogging Bro Vaughn, PizzaBodySlam. I will list the top ten, and then post and comment on my ballot. Here goes:

1. CM Punk (Last Week: 1)
2. Mark Henry (NR)
3. Davey Richards (NR)
4. Randy Orton (2)
5. R-Truth (9)
6. Rey Mysterio (5)
7. Alberto Del Rio (8)
8. John Cena (3)
9. Christian (4)
10. Sin Cara (NR)

And now, my ballot.

1. CM Punk - If you don't know why, you may be brain-damaged.

2. Mark Henry - Someone got they ass whipped Monday (Big Show and Kane) and somebody got they wig split (the cage) at the hands of the World's Strongest Man. Any other week, and I'm voting him #1. MARK HENRY SOLIDARITY FOREVER, BITCHES.

3. Shiima Xion/Zema Ion - What a week for the indie rising star. He won his Impact Destination X tournament match and then on Sunday, cashed in his Todd Pettingil Invitational title shot on Johnny Gargano to become the new AIW Absolute Champion.

4. Davey Richards - For winning the ROH World Championship and having a match that some say you'd have to be soulless not to enjoy.

5. Green Ant - The resilient rookie of the Colony is heating up. I'm pretty sure making Claudio Castagnoli tap out to win the Battle of the Kings of Trios for his squad is a pretty huge deal.

6. Rachel Summerlyn - Gotta give some love to the ACW American Joshi Queen of Queens. Plus, I figure if I didn't rank her, both John Hyperion AND Brandon Stroud might disavow knowing me.

7. Mercedes Martinez - 30 months with the WSU Title? That's impressive.

8. El Generico - OLE! New ROH Television Champion! Very excite! - EG Web Translate

9. Sin Cara - Fireworks on two shows during the voting period.

10. Daniel Bryan - Stock Daniel Bryan ranking.

Friday Five: The Bottom Line #12, PUNK HARDER Edition

Another Bottom Line by good friend of TWB Norko Kipte!

1. Have you checked out any other independent promotions other than ROH, Chikara or PWG?

2. Are you ready for a possible Summer of Punk II?

3. Buy or Sell: The Bound for Glory series

4. Outside of catch phrases, is there a memorable quote that matches with, "You play to win the game! Hello? YOU PLAY TO WIN THE GAME!"

5. What is the best match you saw this past month?

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!

What They're Saying: CM Punk's Epic Promo

Punk's got people talkin', yo
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Here you go:

Razor (Fair to Flair)

Whether or not Punk is actually going to leave WWE is irrelevant; what’s important now is he managed to make people think that he really did just run down WWE, call Stephanie McMahon and Triple H “idiots,” say “Hi” to Colt Cabana and threaten to take the WWE Championship to Ring of Honor.

Again, the rules have changed, but the game is still the same.

Casual fans can sit back and watch the show like I wish I could, but it takes a different approach to get those jaded fans to feel something when watching wrestling. Am I suggesting that “worked shoots” should become the new norm? No, but it is an effective storytelling device in the right situation in the hands of the right actors.

I still use those terms, but I can see where Razor's coming from here. For me, I don't think enjoying the product and using those terms and analyzing in that light are mutually exclusive. That being said, I think I envy his outlook a smidge.

MVP

My verdict after watching the @CMPunk promo, he just had his Austin 3:16 moment. Don't fuck this one up @wwe .

Only if Punk isn't taking a break. The reason why 3:16 worked so well was because Austin went RIGHT into a feud with Bret Hart. Punk? If he leaves, then some of the impact (not all of it, but some of it) is lost over time.

Mark Madden

But the majority of the audience had little idea what Punk was talking about. Let Impact book for the IWC. WWE has prospered by booking for the casual fan. This was a rare departure from that. Let’s see how effective it is.

I'm all about giving equal time to all POVs, even if it's to a bozo. Anyway, Madden misses the point. Hardcore. But you know who got the point and articulates the shit out of it? The next guy...

David Bixenspan (Cageside Seats)

It was never implied that wrestling is a work, and the references catering to hardcore fans were structured in ways that could plausibly be understood by causal fans:

• Plenty of fans were watching when Paul Heyman was around and knew he was behind ECW. Everyone knows who Brock Lesnar is and plenty know why he left.
• Even if you aren't familiar with New Japan Pro Wrestling or Ring of Honor, you're immediately aware that they are other wrestling companies. Colt Cabana was clearly implied to be a wrestler in this strange "Ring of Honor" place.
• He laid out that John Laurinaitis was one of Vince's "douchebag yes men" before mentioning his name.
• Stephanie McMahon and Triple H are firmly established on TV as being a married couple.
• The ending implying that he was going to tell a story about the anti-bullying campaign being hypocritical in light of things Vince McMahon has said to him makes sense both with the hardcore fan interpretation of the real Vince McMahon and the on-screen character he portrays. It also works plausibly as the cut-off point, as sponsors, bad media exposure, etc. are more than just some references to other promotions existing and WWE higher ups being stupid/out of touch.

Take all that and wrap it up into a calmly furious, brilliantly delivered wrestling promo where he still positioned himself firmly as a heel (even using the infamous tales of fans that constantly harrass him and WWE wrestlers at airports in the process), and that's why it worked.

Not only are they awesome at investigative reporting, but they got opinion writing down pat too.

jerseyboy at A1-Wrestling

Oh, it was totally "teh shootz", but it wasn't as offensive here because the WWE doesn't do that all the time. The reason Russo's shoots suck is because TNA does them every fucking week.

Also, with Russo, his shoots are accepted as a part of Impact. WWE? They cut Punk's mic and abruptly ended the show. A promo like Punk's is only effective if people think that management is legitimately pissed at it.

Daniel Bryan

With revolution dripping off his lips with every word, @CMPunk was a god last night.

And you thought ol' AmDrag would be mad by Punk co-opting his "Best in the World" moniker... *emoticon*

Steve Austin

@CMPunk just melted my 52 inch TV with a scorching hot promo...delivery, content, and attitude...one of the best promos I've ever seen.

That's why a feud between Austin and Punk would rule. There's mutual respect there. You know they'd trust working with each other to make a story between the two be the most epic thing ever.

Justin Henry (Camel Clutch Blog)

Well, the final angle is what made it work, even if it’s as “worked” as anything else. But man, did Punk have that audience listening. Decent matches here and there, but that promo, oh man that promo.

Something else, man.

Co-sign.

Kurt Angle

CM Punk had classic promo last night. Good for Him. But if U ever say another word about Me again, Ur toast! If U don't believe Me, try Me!

More than likely referring to when Punk (rightfully) called him a drunk idiot after Angle went after Randy Orton... err, I'm sorry, when the "Twitter hacker" went after Orton. The last time I checked, threatening people for the things they say is generally frowned upon.

Bill Simmons

CM Punk's Monday Night Raw performance tonight was one for the ages.

By now, Simmons can be considered a "casual fan", I'd say. I'm telling you, this is watershed material here.

Brandon Stroud

What Traina isn’t considering is that Punk’s speech WAS real. It comes down to your definition of “real”. WWE is very concerned with making you think what they want you to think. If Kelly Kelly points at you and smiles as she’s trotting down to the ring, they want you to cheer for her. If someone says “each and every one of you” or “you people” into a microphone, you’re supposed to boo. This is supposed to translate into an emotional reaction that is hard to have if you aren’t five. That’s WWE’s reality.

What Punk did was smash a hole in that reality using OUR reality, the reality of the jaded fan on the Internet who wants what you’ve never seen to be the focus of television, and when that happens, wants something else. They didn’t support Scotty Goldman when he was doing picture-in-picture jokes on Smackdown, but they get excited when Colt Cabana is mentioned by name. They get excited when Matt Hardy shows up and blurts out “Ring of Honor”, but give up on him when they realize he’s still just in the WWE, and he’s still just Matt Hardy. That’s how we work, for better or worse. Most of us, anyway.

Punk took what we consider reality — held down wrestlers, pushes for guys who suck, “sports entertainment” replacing “wrestler” on TV, no promotion existing in the eyes of WWE except for WWE, Triple H, Stephanie, backstage WWE and basically everything Chavo Guerrero will be blogging about for the next six months — and used it as a tool to enhance WWE’s interpretation. That’s the genius of last night. Punk took a formula that doesn’t work (“everything else on the show is fake, but this part is real”), paired it with a few other things that don’t work (talking to the Internet on TV, mentioning backstage stuff 90% of your audience has no idea about), and willed them together into something that works by doing something nobody else who has tried has: being great.

Saving maybe the best take for last.

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!