Who Said Lucha Is Unrealistic?

Photo found via Brendan Meehan

Some schoolyard wrestling to kick off your September, and shit, it's not a LARIATOOOOOOOOOOOO~! or some other strike. That's some grade-A, well-executed lucha libre right there. I'm impressed.

Was Mistico a Mistake?

Was Mistico fated from start to fail?
Photo Credit: WWE.com

When Triple H signed Mistico to a contract, most people who knew who he was were excited. He was one of the biggest standout wrestlers South of the Border, worked an exciting style and seemed to be a perfect fit for a company that seemed to take to high flying wrestlers very well. The fans loved him as Sin Cara too. He sold merchandise and got wows from the live audiences for all his acrobatic moves. The botches didn't seem to matter too much either.

The untold story to most fans was that Mistico was a headcase. There was a steady stream of reports from dirtsheets and C&P sites that noted he had a huge ego and brought down the brunt of management and the locker room for everything from those aforementioned botches to claiming that his matches in Mexico were shoot fights. Granted, none of these reports came from primary sources, so it's unclear how much of them were true. Still, the steadiness of said stream was troubling at the very least. That being said, his problems reared a more public head when he was suspended for violating the Wellness Policy.

One would assume that he'd sit out his thirty days, come back and feud with Sheamus, the guy who put him out in storyline with a vicious powerbomb through a ladder at Money in the Bank. That wasn't the case, as again, nebulous reports without primary sources surfaced that Mistico would not be back. More gas was thrown on that fire when the Sin Cara character was brought back two weeks before Mistico's suspension was up, only with masked FCW wrestler Hunico in the rule. A fake/real Sin Cara angle was teased, but ultimately it was dropped when Mistico took over the role again on house shows.

Then, the biggest kicker, Mistico was apparently sent home last Tuesday, with Hunico being placed back in the Sin Cara mask (which, oddly enough, got off to an inauspicious restart when he had to redo a match with Heath Slater twice before it was fit to air). Honestly, I'm not sure what the deal is here. Again, the reports say that he was sent home because of a combination of ego, sloppiness and frustration with the man himself. I'm not going to rule out this being the beginning of that aforementioned dueling Sin Caras angle, but then again, who knows at this point. I'm not sure who's getting the right information, but as of right now, it does seem plausible that the Mistico experiment was poisoned from the start.

The premise behind bringing him up to America was simple. He'd be a guy who'd wow the Anglo audiences, while providing a hometown hero for Mexican fans, a base that is a major growth sector for WWE (growth sector... shit, I feel so dirty for typing that, my apologies). Honestly, the former didn't need to be filled by a Mexican at all. Evan Bourne, for example, is a guy who is massively over with crowds despite being limited to bumping his ass off for bigger guys and doing the Air Bourne for a huge crowd reaction. If they'd turned him loose earlier, maybe he's the guy who'd have made it possible for Rey Mysterio to get his surgery before it became necessary thanks to injuries exacerbated by holding out.

But then again, he didn't fill the other void. You could argue Alberto del Rio did, but at the same time, would Mexican crowds cheer for a rudo in a company of gringos if he was the only one? It's a very good possibility he could have. I mean, WWE may try to keep heels heel in their hometowns through dastardly actions, but money spent on merchandise and tickets is a neutral language. CM Punk proved that at Money in the Bank. Bret Hart proved it in Canada in 1996-97. My guess is the fact that del Rio was crowned Champion so close to their next big tour of Mexico leads me to believe that they didn't necessarily need to have Mistico to have a Mexican draw.

That being said, it'd be nice to be able to have one on the RAW tour and one on the Smackdown tour as well. Again, the WWE could really expand in Mexico, so I guess you can't blame them for wanting to have as many. But why Mistico? Why couldn't they have put Hunico in the Sin Cara mask all along? It would have cost them less from the get go, and he would have been well-adjusted from start having been "broken" by FCW so to speak. It's easy to say that in retrospect, but the truth is, the Sin Cara role was created for Mistico. It wouldn't have existed if the Mexican superstar wasn't signed up in the first place.

The truth is, I really can't blame WWE for trying to sign the guy in the first place. They hit a home run with Dos Caras, Jr. Maybe they thought they could do better by having an established name come in and do business for them. However, what worked for the middling-to-struggling Caras wasn't just his heritage. It was a year in FCW, vignettes heralding his arrival as Alberto del Rio and working a generally less risky style that made him a success.

It's easy to look at this whole ordeal in retrospect and say what a terrible idea it was, but the fact is that it wasn't so much a mistake as it was a gamble. Triple H, in his first move, swung for the fences and yeah, he may have apparently struck out (remember, no one knows Mistico's status now), he's thinking enough outside of the box that his father-in-law has built that he's going to bring in new and eclectic guys. You live, and you learn, but you won't know if Mistico will be the guy for you unless you sign him (and really, if you divorce his ego from his in-ring, he was looking to be really huge).

Going forward, Hunico being in the Sin Cara mask is probably the right call, as long as nights like last Tuesday are aberrations rather than the norm. That being said, even if it didn't turn out as planned for WWE, bringing in Mistico was the right call. Sometimes though, the right call can turn out bad.

Lucha Corgi!

I know I'm running a bit behind on feature entries, but the WWE chopping block threw me off, and then I went and drank beers, sang bad karaoke and watched the San Francisco Giants redefine sore loser at the Phils at the bar. Follow Friday, Power Poll and Trey Irby's favorite wrestlers will be up a little later, but to tide you over? HERE'S A PICTURE OF A CORGI WEARING A LUCHA MASK!

Via Matt Ufford/Warming Glow via F*ck Yeah! Corgis Tumblr

Corgis truly are magnificent beasts. By the by, if you like TV, and you like closing out your work week with slideshows featuring pictures and videos of corgis, then head on over to Warming Glow and put it in your Google Reader or RSS thingy. It's a solid read.

John Cena, Imaginary Luchador: Why Bryan Alvarez Needs a Reality Check

Cena doing badly in CMLL wouldn't mean he's a bad worker
Photo Credit: WWE.com

As pointed out by my blogging peer Trey Irby on his Wrestling Theory blog, Bryan Alvarez has some pretty weird opinions about wrestling and what constitutes good wrestling. Here's the quote from Observer Radio, where he takes John Cena to task for being a bad worker, despite the fact that his colleague Dave Meltzer gave a match he was in five stars recently, an honor so rare that it's the first time it was given to a WWF/E match in almost 15 years:

Glad he did one thing well! It’s funny, because last night on this very show, we were talking about the idea of taking WWE main eventers and sending them to do a lucha style in CMLL and find out if they could ‘work.’ John Cena would be literally the worst luchadore of all time. And all those capos and whoever else who’s just horrendous workers down there, good god almighty, they’d work rings around Cena.

So, John Cena's not a good worker because if you put him in a lucha libre fed, he'd suck. There are so many fucking things wrong with that statement that it's not even funny. For one, of course Cena would falter if he went to CMLL or AAA, at least at first. It's a totally different style, based on things that are counter to what he is used to working for WWE. In case Alvarez didn't notice, the converse of that statement is being displayed right before his eyes, or at least it WAS until Sin Cara got suspended for a flunked drug test. The former Mistico was a standout down South of the Border until he came up here. His reckless style, a hit in a lucha libre promotion, made him stick out like a sore thumb in the highly American WWE, and not in a good way. The numerous botches and the sloppy execution of moves he did hit not only put him under a microscope from some of the more discerning wrestling fans, but from his bosses too. If Mistico can't get a handle on how to wrestle WWE style, which according to Alvarez is like totally not on the same level of sophistication as lucha libre, then why use Cena's theoretical lack of handling lucha libre against him, ESPECIALLY since it'd be hypothetical at best given that Cena ISN'T GOING ANYWHERE?

That would beg the issue of Alvarez's opinions that lucha libre is the superior style to the amalgam of styles that come together and meld to form the almost-as-nebulous-as-the-term-"The Internet" WWE style. I wouldn't begrudge him the opinion that lucha libre is the better style to watch. I mean, Chikara is my favorite fed of all-time, and they wrestle a hybrid puroresu-lucha libre style. I can attest to how fun lucha can be. That being said, if I were going to list my ten best matches from 2011 so far, it'd be a total mix of Chikara and WWE right about now, and not to be boastful or anything, but there would be a ton of people who would take that list and agree with it. Why? Because in my opinion, there's no real "style" that's better than another one. The only thing that is better is execution either way. There's bad lucha out there, and if you're going to tell me that the worst lucha is even better than the best John Cena has had to offer in his WWE career (a career that again, has garnered a five star match from Alvarez's colleague for Christ's sake), then I'm going to tell you that you're full of shit.

I expect this pedantic attitude from the smart-ass fans in New York or Chicago or even here in Philly who chant "You can't wrestle!" at Cena because he doesn't shove 2932374 moves into a 12 minute match, but I shouldn't expect it from one of the top two journalists reputedly in American wrestling, especially when both of them go off about psychology all the time. I mean, Cena has proven he can work a match where there's psych in play. Money in the Bank wasn't the first time, and I doubt it'll be the last either. Sure, there are times when he goes out, does the faux-Hulk Hogan take-a-beating-and-come-back-like-nothing-was-wrong routine, but how many times is that him making the call and not the agents in the back or the writers? It's how WWE operates at the main event when they've got a guy like Hogan or Cena or Undertaker (another five star match recipient) or Ultimate Warrior or even Shawn Michaels (the best worker ever according to some people) with his no-selling-tinged kip-ups.

The fact is if you take a guy from one environment and drop him in another, he'll do one of two things. He'll either change to adapt, or he'll force everyone to adapt around him. The former takes time in a lot of cases and the latter is fucking ignorant and ends up bringing the product down. Don't believe me? Ask any fan of WCW to compare the promotion before and after Hogan got there. If Cena went to CMLL or AAA and then started having bad matches right away? It doesn't make him a bad worker, it makes him human. It's the same with Sin Cara. The difference between the two is that in this magical fantasy world, where Cena leaves his godfather position in WWE to go to Mexico, where WWE is killing the crap out of traditional lucha feds, by the way, he would more than likely work on getting better, and within a couple of months, would be one of the best rudo bullies down there with maybe a high flying move or two to his repertoire. Sin Cara? Well, if the dirtsheets, like the one written by Meltzer and the other one written by Alvarez, are to be believed, he's on a fast track out of WWE not because of his working ability, but because of his bad attitude.

So in that regard, I think I'd love to see Cena go to Mexico for a year sabbatical or something. I mean, the WWE would be a bit fresher without him, even though I'd miss him in my own perverse way, but I think it'd be fucking hilarious to see him shut Alvarez up and prove to him that maybe, just maybe, he should stop being a pedantic smark and start doing his job, being a good wrestling journalist who sees things for what they are, not for what he wants them to be.

Friday Five: Foreign Wrestling

All about wrestling outside these United States.

1. Do you want to see more or fewer luchadors be imported into WWE?

2. On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the best, how much do you enjoy English chain wrestling?

3. Buy or sell: Kevin Kelly's comments about a foreign wrestler not being able to draw here are true.

4. Do you think that Japanese wrestling has positively or negatively influenced the American indies and why?

5. Who is your favorite foreign born wrestler? (outside of Canada)

Whoa, a Flippy Move That Looks Good

Via Luchablog/TheCubsFan

Front flip Bus Driver-style DDT? Front flip Bus Driver-style DDT. Unlike the Yoshi Tonic and the Canadian Destroyer, this move, performed by Dark Dragon on Fenix, actually looks like the guy doing it can do it all by himself, without help from the victim. God bless those crazy-ass Mexicans.

Your Midweek Links: I'M IN TERRIBLE PAIN RIGHT NOW

Sexiest mask ever... well after Mankind, of course
Photo Credit: Padje Mescall

It's hump day, so here are some links to get you through the rest of the week.

Self-Shilling

- The Wrestling Podcast! Last week's show featured Josh "PUNTE" Zerkle, who was an awesome guest and has a podcast of his own (which I pimp in the non-wrestling links). Check this one out though, because there's some great talk about Bret Hart, the "good ol' days" and of course, his work on blogs like With Leather and Kissing Suzy Kolber. [Episode 8: Yankem Hotel Foxtrot]

- My Fair to Flair piece on botching and why it ain't that bad. [Why Botching Isn't the End of the World]

- In case you were wondering, yes, that was a donkey punch by Alberto del Rio on Rey Mysterio last week. [Your Match of the Week, 6/19-6/25, Fair to Flair]

- A piece that I could have run on Fair to Flair but chose to submit to the Camel Clutch Blog for my own reasons. It's about whether to call pro wrestling a sport or theater. [The Case for the Classification of Pro Wrestling]

Wrestling Links

- Kick-Out!! Radio with Jeff Katz. I'm pimping this for three days straight because, despite what some commenters are saying, I really feel like this is an awesome idea. [Kick-Out!! Wrestling]

- A1-Wrestling poster "Handsome" Padje Mescall went to a lucha show in England featuring Skayde and Cassandro and posted tons of pics. [A1-Wrestling]

- A comprehensive look at ROH's Best in the World [The Harrison Analysis]

- Good ol' JR is prescient about CM Punk's comments and talks about filming the sitdown interview between Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels for their upcoming DVD. [JR's BBQ Sauce Blog]

- Another take on Queen of Queens from friend of TWB John Hyperion. [Dirty Dirty Sheets]

- The Wheelhouse looks at Kevin Steen. [Camel Clutch Blog]

- Looking at the worked shoot via the CM Punk promo at the end of RAW [Grapple Kingdom]

- A look at Stan Hansen, aka THE MAN [South Atlanta Wrestling]

- I'm not the only one who refuses to pay tribute to Chris Benoit. [Wrestling Theory]

- The best satire is the kind that you have to do a spit take after reading because you think it's real. This is the best satire, Fake Vince going off on Punk for his promo on RAW. [Fair to Flair]

- Speaking of Fair to Flair, the podcast's sixth episode discusses more about why Kevin Kelly sucks. [Fair to Flair]

- Of course Jay Briscoe makes homophobic comments on Twitter AFTER I tell you to follow him. WAY TO MAKE ME LOOK LIKE AN ASS, REDNECK WRESTLER GAWD. [Cageside Seats]

- The Masked Man on Punk. [Grantland]

- More Punk, as he's straight up trollin' on Twitter. [PizzaBodySlam Tumblr]

- Nicole Matthews to do the reverse-SHIMMER migration. [Diva Dirt]

- KSP FJMs MM... err, I mean Mark Madden [Aggressive Art]

- And if that wasn't enough calling out bad journalism, Jason Mann gets in on the action too, only on a much bigger fish. [Wrestlespective]

- Obligatory Best and Worst of RAW column, because seriously, you need to read this every week. [With Leather]

Jamie Dobson Interviews

- Tim Arson

Non-Wrestling Links

- Lindy West fills in for Drew Magary on the Funbag this week. Holy shit, it's awesome. [Deadspin]

- Episode 80 of the House of PUNTE podcast, where I'm more than likely going to hell for losing my shit at Brian Stow jokes. Also, more talk about feces than you might be able to handle. And Brad Jackson talks Longhorn football. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

- I'm pretty sure that there's no jury in the entire province of Quebec (or is it Ontario?) that would convict Muscles Glasses for snapping haters' necks after they stole burgers from fine-ass ladies. [Epic Meal Time]

- This year's Hockey Hall of Fame class has a distinct Maple flavor. [Puck Daddy]

- Warning: BEAR [Cracked]

- Quentin Tarantino is a foot fetishist? Color me not surprised. [Uproxx]

- Why the Royals may be the next AL team to make the leap from laughingstock to contender. [Grantland]

- How Ian Lapierre won the Masterson Trophy. [Flyers Goal Scored By]

- Mission: Impossible 4 - The Ghost Protocol teaser trailer... featuring Sawyer from LOST. [Buzz Feed]

- Commissioner of the Bush League gets called to Congress [Sports Pickle]

- Captain Kirk vs. Captain Kirk... although I thought they were in Star Trek, not Over the Top... [Unreality Mag]

- Review of Transformers: Dark of the Moon. Marty Day is a brave soul. [Blast-o-Rama]

- Yes, this is for a series that's been over since Sunday. No, I don't particularly care. [The Fightins]

- Self diagnosis becomes self-aware [Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal]

- The summer doldrums are here for sports. Unless you're B-Stroud and are a huge baseball nerd. Then this is the point where you tell Shanoff to shove it. [Dan Shanoff]

- Adam Savage of Mythbusters sings "I Will Survive" as Gollum. Your argument is invalid. [Topless Robot]

- Commentary on the state of the Wisconsin Badgers by a real live badger. [Every Day Should Be Saturday]

- Danger Guerrero FJMs the shit out of someone who got butthurt over Go the Fuck to Sleep. [Danger Guerrero Tumblr]

- Cole Hamels, Cliff Lee and Roy Halladay are good pitchers. Baaaaht... chu already knew that. [Crashburn Alley]

- Poor Eeyore. [Skull Swap]

- John Ratzenberger is the best actor in America, and other fun uses of the Rotten Tomatoes graph feature. [Film Drunk]

- Maybe the greatest ceremonial first pitch ever? [Bro Bible]

- T-Mobile girl to play Retro Girl in the Powers series. Spoiler alert: she's dead before the series even starts. [Gamma Squad]

- Funniest epic headline ever. [With Leather]

- Sports hipster clothing alert! 1990-91 Golden State Warriors tee available. Given that I was always a huge Tim Hardaway fan, I am intrigued by this. [The Smoking Section]

- The Tasmanian devil's genome has been mapped. What about Taz the Tazmanian Devil? Or Taz, the shitty Impact announcer? Not sure about those yet. [Wired UK]

- RIP Lorenzo Charles. [Hugging Harold Reynolds]

- No more "interim" tag for Luke Fickell at Ohio State. Does that put those Urban Meyer rumors to rest? Fuck no! [Dr. Saturday]

- Tennessee's legislature debates serious business [The Onion]

- How's this for funny? Michael Jackson voiced the crazy white guy claiming to be him on The Simpsons, but he didn't sing the "Happy Birthday Lisa" song. [Warming Glow]

- Rant about that awful-looking new Terra Nova show. [Comic Books and Whatever]

- Some hockey nuggets from TWB superfan Dave Cunning [The SDC Blogs]

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!

From the E-Feds to Reality: Team Tremendous

The Good Prof definitely was the best teacher

Note, this feature's too young to reboot. SORRY.

For those who don't know, TH is an e-fed enthusiast. Even in years when he wasn't watching wrestling, he was still e-fedding. He ran several characters in several feds at a time at his peak, but now, he resides only in Empire Pro Wrestling with one character. Still, he's handled and seen a ton of characters. Some may work in the real world, some may not. This is one of those characters from the former.

Names: Professor Tremendous and El Tremendo, Team Tremendous (handled by Dan West and Bill Dempsey, respectively, described by some as the Lennon and McCartney of e-fedding... funny, they're both still alive and neither have been rumored to have died either)

What's Their Deal: Well, I'll describe both of them in detail in a bit, but they're both crackpots. Like, major league, real deal, lying, cheating, stealing, disingenuous and yet preeminently hilarious shysters. Prof T was, as his name might suggest, a teacher, albeit in name only. He became more like a den father for a band of social rejects and the scum of the earth. EL Tremendo, meanwhile, was more like a crackpot luchador, like a fucked-up, comedic dynamo that found a lot of singles success after splitting from Team Tremendous and carrying on in a different fed.

Were They Successful in E-Feds: I'd say both their title résumés speak for themselves. They each won a bunch of titles, with the best of the bunch being Prof T's MBE World Championship.

Could They Get Over in Reality: It depends on where, actually. Both guys were known for raunchy humor at times and absurd humor at others. I'd imagine them as Santino if Santino weren't restrained by the WWE's usage for him. Of course, that begs the question, if Santino were turned up to 11 in terms of absurdity, would he still be over? Well, one thing's for certain... I'd probably still enjoy the hell out of him.

See, the Tremendous Ones were both guys I dug the hell out of. I'd go so far as to say Prof T may be my favorite or at least second favorite character of all-time, and El Tremendo is up there as well. I spent many a RP laughing my ass off at the scenarios painted out or the banter between Prof and his minions or the interviewer.

I guess that's where a lot of the charm with the Good Professor lay. He had minions, most of them being inept. With a personality as eccentric as Prof T's, the interplay between him and his minions was really the best. Tremendo didn't have minions though, but Bill was such a gifted writer at crafting really, really fucked-up situations and fleshing them out in the most humorous way possible. I really think they'd have cleaned up in a raunchier time in WWE. Then again, the key is raunchy. I'm not sure if either character would work in a neutered setting.

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!

WWE Raids Mexico Again

Via the LuchaBlog

Averno, one of the hottest rudos in CMLL, signed with WWE, following in the footsteps of Mistico (Sin Cara) and Dos Caras, Jr. (Alberto del Rio). He apparently signed in secret and CMLL upper management doesn't know yet, which is lulz-inducing if you ask me. News like that makes TNA's management decisions look continuous and coordinated. Anyway, according to LuchaBlog, he'll be coming in unmasked, and also as a hand-picked opponent for Sin Cara. The WWE is reportedly unhappy with their investment and want more "agreeable" opponents for him. Cara, as Mistico, and Averno have a pretty intense history as in-ring rivals in Mexico.

Anyway, this is big news as the WWE continues to look south for talent. Of course, they'd be well-served to look in the American indies for seasoned talent too, but let's not get too ahead of ourselves here.

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!