Wrestling Six Packs: Folks Who Should Be Managers

Grating as an announcer, but great as a manager?
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Delayed from last night because I was trying to concentrate on Smackdown. Anyway, WWE seems to be trying to bring back some old tropes. Tag teams are one thing, and managers are looking to be another one. Vickie Guerrero is courting Jack Swagger, and although it will come at the expense of her business relationship with Dolph Ziggler. Dreams of having a stable of wrestlers dashed, but at least WWE is acknowledging that the managerial itch is one that needs scratching. Here are six people who are ideal for being managers in WWE.

1. Michael Cole

This is the easiest thing to do in the whole company right now. Cole has the annoying bombast down, but it's not getting anyone over from the broadcast booth. The only thing he's doing is making people tune out. A change in role would do a world of change for Cole. As an announcer calling Daniel Bryan a NERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDDD, he's only reinforcing the narrative that Bryan is a nerd and really isn't worth anything. By calling him that as a manager for, say, Tyson Kidd? He's giving Bryan extra incentive to kick Kidd's ass and possibly get his hands on Cole as well. Simple things.

2. Matt Striker

He's another guy who was a misfit. As an announcer, all he did was bluster and pump out his pomposity. He never developed chemistry with any of his broadcast partners, and whether that manifested itself in snarky replies or dead air, it was bad. However, as a manager, it's that kind of bluster that can generate heat for his charges. Plus, as a former wrestler, he can take a bump and deliver a resolution in that regard.

3. Bob Backlund

I know what you're thinking. Backlund really wasn't known for his mic work as much as he was known for his acumen in the ring and his crazy, emotive action outside of it after he turned on Bret Hart in 1994. However, I think there's value in having him as a good guy manager in the vein of Jose Lothario for Shawn Michaels. Lothario didn't say anything, and really didn't need to. He was there to add gravitas to Michaels as a legitimate wrestler. Backlund, with his success in two different eras as a wrestler, could provide that kind of equity for someone who's clawing up the card and needs to "improve" in the ring.

4. Sunny

Cougar war! Sunny used to be a manager, and she has kept her looks over the years. Bringing her back as a counterweight to Vickie Guerrero would provide a great idea for an intermediary feud. Imagine the two in an arms race. Team Vickie vs. Team Sunny at Survivor Series. Competitions over which stable can accrue more gold. It virtually writes itself.

5. JBL

A Million Dollar Man for a new generation. They teased him being a financial manager with his Shawn Michaels-owes-him-money angle, but they ended it with the end of the angle. Again, he's a guy who can bump, and he has a LETHAL weapon in the Clothesline from Hell.

6. Mike Sanders

This one seems out of left field. Sanders? Where has he been? Didn't he leave WWE under dubious circumstances before? Well, none of that matters because when I see Sanders, I see a guy who could fit the Shane McMahon managerial archetype without bringing back Shane-O-Mac in an active role, the spry, bouncy manager who was always moving, always looking to cheat for his charges. Plus, he has the mic skills, which is a huge plus for a manager.

Guest Blog: The Top Five Wrestlers Who Are Never on Anyone's Top Five List

Taking a break from the Fave Fives today to bring a different top five list from TWB superfan Chris W. If that name doesn't sound familiar, his other Twitter handle just might. Anyway, he's not all quips and wrong humor; he's actually got a pretty stout mind when it comes to wrestling and wrestling history. Here are five entities that don't ever make it on people's top five wrestlers lists in general.

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I started to watch professional wrestling in the fall of 1992, during a time when the World Wrestling Federation started to focus less on sports entertainment and more on wrestling. (Ironic, huh?). In ushering in the “New Generation”, Vince decided to put the WWF Championship on Bret “The Hitman” Hart. He automatically became my favorite wrestler. He didn’t have the most charisma, he wasn’t the best on the microphone; and more often than not, his promos were filled with tired clichés that often made me cringe. But I didn’t care. He was my guy. Even when he turned heel, waved the Canadian flag, and spit in the face of America, I still cheered for him.

The original Best in the World
Photo Credit: WrestlingHeritage.co.uk

Of course, we all know what happened at the end of 1997 and what transpired after he left the WWF, so I won’t get into that. But whenever someone asks me who my favorite wrestler is, or who’s the greatest of all time, my answer is “Bret Hart”. On the other hand, Bret Hart is on a lot of Top Five lists and he deserves to be; but there are so many wrestlers from the past that don’t get any recognition from today’s fans, and that’s kind of sad, (at least from my point of view). So, this is my list of the ‘Top Five Wrestlers That Are Never in Anybody’s Top Five List”. (Catchy, I know).

1. Lou Thesz – If there was anybody in the history of professional wrestling that could be considered to be the greatest, it is Lou Thesz. Not only is he the youngest World Champion of all time, (21) but he also held NWA Championship for over ten years, (combined total reigns). The National Wrestling Alliance had so much confidence in him, that he won their World title six times!, (unheard of in those days). It wasn’t just because he was trustworthy; it was because of his legit submission skills. If any other wrestler tried to ‘shoot’ on Lou Thesz in the ring, Lou Thesz would stretch the guy until his eyes popped out of his head.

If you’re a fan of such moves as the powerbomb, German suplex, STF and the Lou Thesz Press, you can thank Lou Thesz for inventing those moves. And if you’re a fan of Japanese wrestling, you can thank Lou Thesz for that, too. (Also, buy his autobiography. It might cost you a few hundred dollars, but it’s worth it!).

2. Nick Bockwinkel – When you think of some of the greatest talkers in professional wrestling, you think of such names as Mick Foley, Ric Flair, The Rock, (overrated), CM Punk and Steve Austin. But one name that’s just as good, if not better than the aforementioned, is Nick Bockwinkel. He didn’t scream or yell, he didn’t use clichés, nor did he curse just for the sake of cursing. He was calm and intelligent: using polysyllabic words that made the audience run to their dictionaries. Not to mention he had Bobby “The Brain” Heenan as a manager. How could you ask for a better combination?

And as a wrestler? He’s one of the best to step in the ring. Most of his early work came as a tag- team wrestler, but his career didn’t really begin till at the age of 40, when he defeated Verne Gagne to win the AWA World title. He would go to have classic matches with Gagne, Billy Robinson and Jerry “The King” Lawler. Even in his fifties, he was having matches with Curt Hennig that could only be classified as seven star masterpieces. And if you don’t believe me, then you’re nothing but a belligerent recalcitrant.

3. Bob Backlund – Most of you probably remember Bob Backlund as the crazy guy that snapped and took the WWF title from Bret Hart, before losing it to Kevin Nash in four seconds. Well, that’s how I remember him too. But my fascination with old school wrestlers doesn’t end with Thesz and Bockwinkel. Backlund is another one of my favorites. Not only did he hold the WWF title for almost six years, but he was an outstanding amateur/professional wrestler: having classic matches with Ric Flair, Harley Race and Antonio Inoki. (Thank GOD for YouTube). And after losing the title to the Iron Sheik in controversial fashion, he disappeared for eight years.

He made his return as the old school, babyface, who was always losing his matches, Bob Backlund decided, to borrow a quote from Owen Hart, “enough is enough and it’s time for a change”. After losing to Bret Hart in a classic wrestling match, Backlund snapped and locked Hart in the Crossface Chickenwing. And that was the beginning of one of the most entertaining heel runs in history. (I’m serious, it was fucking awesome). Aside from having the sickest submission hold ever, Bob Backlund should be in everybody’s top five. Hopefully that happens when he comes back for another WWE title run. *Fingers Crossed*

4. Arn Anderson and Tully Blanchard aka The Brain Busters – Okay, so this is my list and I’m going to cheat a little. When it comes to greatest tag-teams of all time, Arn and Tully are always getting snubbed. They may not have held as many titles as Edge and Christian, or had charisma like the Road Warriors, but when it came down to tag-team wrestling, nobody did it better than Arn and Tully. I love watching a team cut off a ring and isolate a body part. They were like surgeons when they were in control of a match. And I’ve never seen a team master ring psychology better than Arn and Tully. You want to see some heat? Watch their match with Sting and Nikita Koloff. They were the backbone of the Horseman, and were just as good on the mic as they were in the ring. (I’d dare say Arn was just as good as Ric when it came to promos).

5. Dynamite Kid and Tiger Mask (Satoru Sayama) – These two were so ahead of their time that it took over ten years for American fans to catch up. No two wrestlers had better chemistry than Dynamite Kid and Tiger Mask. Their matches were beautiful. Like ballet: if ballet consisted of tiger suplexes, missile dropkicks and tombstone piledrivers. If you don’t believe the hype, then check out their matches on YouTube, or buy the “Dynamite Kid in Japan” DVD. (You can go to highspots.com for all your wrestling needs).

And that’s my top five. It may be long and poorly written, but give me a break, it’s my first blog!

My Favorite Wrestlers Ever: Announcement and Honorable Mention

He frightens small children, and for that, I own his shirt

For those who don't keep track, this is post number #2,500 for The Wrestling Blog. In honor of reaching that plateau, I'm going to roll out a top 25 list of my favorite wrestlers of all-time. I did this for my then-current favorites last year, but that was all in one post. This list will be rolled out in the style that I did the Wrestler of the Decade posts back in Aught-Nine.

The list will be compiled by my own arbitrary standards, because DUH, it's a favorite wrestlers list. If I had objective criteria, then it wouldn't be a "favorite" list now, would it? I will say that the standing on this list will be geared not towards how I feel about the person now completely, but towards my admiration of their work and how I felt about them at certain times in my life.

So, without further ado, here are the ten wrestlers/entities who didn't make it but almost did. My honorable mentions:

- Sara del Rey is the first one I'd like to mention. She's also the only woman to appear here, so that means she's my favorite female in wrestling history. That's more a reflection on how poorly women have been treated in wrestling than it is my fandom of the artform. Still, the Queen of Wrestling kicks major ass.

- The Eliminators, Perry Saturn and John Kronus, were an ECW staple for me. ECW had a lot of really good tag teams with their own unique flair, and the low-down, dirty ass-kicking of these two really exemplified that for me. Plus, TOTAL ELIMINATION.

- Ric Flair is in this category, most likely because I wasn't exposed to his greatness all that much until the mid-'90s. Hey, I was a WWF kid growing up. Don't shoot me!

- One of my favorite current wrestlers is the high-flying Evan Bourne, a guy who wows me every time he's in the ring nowadays. This is true even if he's not doing a high spot. The guy knows how to sell and be enthusiastic. Those are two great qualities.

- Chuck Taylor frightens little kids and throws grenades. Plus I own his t-shirt. How could he not be at least in the honorable mentions?

- This is a really old school guy who is listed for stuff he did in the later years of his career. Bob Backlund's clean cut, white bread babyface run was way before my time, but when he came back in the early '90s as the kooky old-man psychopath, he had me hooked. Plus I'm a mark for the crossface chicken wing.

- As a fan of comedic wrestling and podcasting, Colt Cabana sates my needs for both. He's awesome at both, and he's a cool dude to boot.

- Mr. Perfect was always a guy I liked for what he could do in the ring, even if I was compelled to root against him as a young fan. He and Bret Hart were guys who made me the fan I am today in some respects. Plus, I always wanted to pull for him, so that run against Shawn Michaels in 1993 was certainly a high point in my life as a fan.

- The Osirian Portal, the time-traveling Egyptian tag team, is on here mainly because they're a time-traveling Egyptian tag team. Very fun tag team who always worked entertaining matches and were able to weave dancing into the foray. I'm gonna miss Amasis a whole lot.

- Finally, the Woo Woo Woo Kid himself, Zack Ryder, rounds this honorable mention section out. I hate to pull the wrestling hipster card on all y'all, but I liked him even before he blew up Youtube. WWWYKI.

Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein - Please visit his site to view the plentiful amounts of pictures he's taken for DGUSA, ROH and other indie feds: Get Lost Photography

Wrestling Six Packs: Odd Nostalgia Acts I'd Like to See

Last night, Diamond Dallas Page made a cameo appearance, chewing scenery with Booker T and Shawn Michaels and participating in the figurative disemboweling of Drew McIntyre. WWE has brought back a cavalcade of olden stars in recent times, everyone from George "The Animal" Steele to Lita. But one of the things that nearly every fan loves is seeing people from their past show up. There are still so many guys who'd be awesome in cameo appearances. Here are six I'd love to see.

1. Bob Backlund

In my formative years as a wrestling fan, Bob Backlund was one of the first characters I loved due to what would I'd later term as "the lulz". He was absurd and very easily imitable, but among the field of wrestling trashmen and junk pitchers and dentists, he was a character who was fun. Evil and crazy, but fun. His Presidential campaign was a nice diversion for after he left the main event scene. With that being said, I can't be the only person who'd have thought that seeing him at Capitol Punishment instead of the Obama impersonator would have been a million times better, right?

2. The Bushwhackers

C'mon now, you wouldn't mark for Luke and Butch licking heads and giving noogies on WWE TV? I think they should be in the Royal Rumble every year, getting thrown out within like 3 seconds. It should be tradition, especially now that the Rumble's a straight 40 guys. And don't tell me the kids wouldn't understand them. What's there to grasp about them? They grunt, lick heads and act silly for the kids. Nostalgia for the adults, eccentricity for the kids.

The Genius!

3. The Genius

Yeah, it might be a bit trite in the wake of his brother's death, but really, Lanny Poffo coming back as the bombastically academic Genius would rule all kinds of ass. I think I'd be all about him trading witticisms with Santino. The interplay would be absolutely gut-busting.

4. The Blue World Order

Of course I'm all about getting some old ECW love up in here. The problem with that is that the old guard is either employed by TNA or they're decrepit. I mean have you seen Raven lately? The bWo, in addition to being one of my favorite acts by far of the late '90s, has the luxury of having its members somewhat well put together. Stevie Richards is in amazing shape. Blue Meanie is a pretty decent indie movie star. Nova... well I don't know about Nova. Why would they come back? I don't know, but I'd love to see them take over an episode of RAW to hawk another ECW DVD or something of that ilk.

5. Perry Saturn

He has a crazy face tattoo and spent years in hiding, but isn't that the kind of return that would be the most shocking? I mean, no one knew where Lita was when she came back, so when she showed up next to Pee Wee Herman, well, yeah, it was a poignant moment. Saturn would be the same thing. Plus, MOPPY!

6. Todd Pettengil

Seriously, no one would make me lose my shit if he showed up backstage at RAW more than Pettingil. I don't feel like I need to explain this.

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!