Thursday, March 31, 2011

Reply All, Not Great.

Best part is when dude pounces from the tree branch. If you don't laugh @ this you are a square.

Rihanna, so hot right now (Said like Will Ferrell as Mugato. Zoolander).

I'm prolly about to crack one off .

These are the ultimate Jundies. Jundies= jean underwear.

Daily Clip---> I don't even Care, this is smoking. Pop music is the cat's Meow.

Imma disrobe you, then Imma probe you.

Porno Tendencies.

In advance, Mom, I'm sorry that I'm not sorry.

We all dabble in pornographic viewing, some consider themselves connoisseurs (myself included) and some are closet lovers of this magnificent art form.  Firstly porno has decencitized me.  I remember the good old days when I used to be able to simply close my eyes, rub myself over my underpants and a surprise occured in my pants.

I once had a binder full of nudies. Anna Nicole Smith and Pamela Anderson were my favorites.  (Next time your Jerkin' it, call it meeting up with Palmela Handerson.  It's funny)  As I grew older I graduated to hand cream and different forms of media including downloads off limewire and VHS recording of Bleu Nuit.  The Acadia Advantage was a new frontier in my masturbatory career.

Having a laptop ups ur porn game into the stratosphere.  It was such a new and exciting time for me.  I spent so much "special time" in my dorm room my first year of University.  I didn't need real women, I had Jill.  Look @ your right hand, although I personally am a lefty, spread ur digits wide like Jenna Haze does her butt cheeks and tell me what name your hand spells?  Since the acquisition of my first laptop my procurement of new materials has remained constant.  How many of you have numerous windows open whilst performing maintenance on your pipes?  I must admit I am guilty of this.  How many of you taught yourself to be left handed so you can scroll righty? My hand goes up.  How many of you have a mental list of your go-to girls depending on what fancy you wish to have suited?  Me. We all have our tendencies and I salute you for them.  Keep stroking and don't be embarrassed when you head to the cash @ Costco with the double pack of Petroleum Jelly.  The dude ringing you through has the jam jar sitting beside his bed.  

Charlie Sheen.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Travels. Germany Vol II.


Moin Moin, (A little bit of Northern Deutch slang to get us started)


It’s been a while since you’ve all heard from me, and my reasoning for being MIA is my current Internet situation.  It is not ideal to say the least!  I will not bore you all with details, but within the next week or so with a top-notch wireless connection. 
I moved into a new apartment 2 weeks ago.  It blows my old apartment out of the water but it is still a work in progress.  My daily essentials are available to me but not much else. I’m learning a great deal of patience in my travels and also that relying upon others is the worst!  Everything that I need or ask for is available the only problem is it takes time.  Stuff usually comes from a players aunt, who got it from their best friend from work.  The process is long and sometimes painful, BUT I end up getting free stuff, and my current favorite European # is zero.  As soon as I get my flat (European terminology) pimped to the 10th degree I’ll email over some pictures.  A responsibility I have decided to take on is… Owning a plant, On top of that, one that is not fake.  It’s a small step, but I feel that it is a step in the right direction!
I never got to explain to everyone what my job is in Deutschland. My place of employment is call “DAS STICKWERK” which in English would be roughly translated to “The Stitch Factory”.  I am doing a lot of silk screening and printing on garments, which is right up my alley.  I’m very excited because the job I lucked into here is something that has always interested me and I’ve always considered as a possible career choice in the future.  I am gaining very valuable experience that I will be able to bring home with me and will no doubt point my in a very positive direction.  I lucked into this opportunity big time and I will ensure not to waste it.  Basically during the day we may have 3-6 orders and we print off the decals, peel them and then transfer them to whatever garment the design is associated with.  The best part of my job though is that Andre (my boss) and I are designing a line of clothing for the SEALS football team.  We have a catalogue that is approximately 10 pages deep with T-shirts, Polo Shirts, Sweaters, and Hoodies etc.   I actually get excited to go to work because I get to work on wikkid clothing, something that has always been of interest to me.  Even though we are a fourth division team we have the largest collection of clothing available for purchase of any team in all of Germany.  Attached is a design that Andre and I worked on a couple of weeks ago. The inspiration behind the design is Lubeck itself, as well as the Marines.  The anchor symbolizes Lubeck as well as the Seals, and football laces, to help Europeans recognize that the Seals are in fact a football team, outline the crest!  Eventually all of our clothing will be available on a website.  I will make sure to email you all the link and you can check out what I’ve working so diligently on, and maybe even buy something because we offer worldwide shipping. Oh, and also, the second best part of work Is that I am fed lunch every time I’m there, which is AMAZING.  I have my boss, whose English is very choppy saying AMAZING all the time now, helped me realized that maybe I overuse that word. What’s really amazing is Schnitzel, I could eat it every day cause it’s that good.  Fun fact: German people eat absolutely humongous lunches, like so big I finish mine and need @ least 2 coffees to keep my eyes open, but they barely consume anything for dinner.  It’s such a strange cultural difference.  They also bike EVERYWHERE and in ANY weather.  Maybe that’s why their all so skinny as compared to us portly North Americans.
My good friend Andy rolled into Lubeck a week ago today.  He had been in India celebrating a friends wedding for 3 weeks and planned on spending 4 weeks in Europe cruising.  For those of you who know you can probably imagine how he got from India to Lubeck, and for those of you who do not know Andy I will paint a vivid picture for you.  Andy is the least organized and logical human being on the history of the planet.  We had emailing back in forth while he was in India, but very spareingly, and last Thursday I received a call while I was at work from a man with a very thick German accent.  Andy had showed up at my apartment and made friends with my non English-speaking neighbor Andreas.  He kept Andy sheltered until I could scoop him up after work was done.   We had a great time while he was here.  We got to see lubeck, We went to the A1 (the disco) and we went to Hamburg.  This was the first time I had been to Hamburg to visit and it is an absolutely spectacular city.  It is the second most populated city in Germany and has more canals than Venice and a lager red light district than Amsterdam.  I have attached some of the pictures that Andy and I took while in Hamburg.  We visited a parliamentary establishment as well as some churches, and couldn’t keep ourselves from doing a little bit of shopping.  We then traveled to the Repparbahm, which is the main drag in the red light district.  It was quite the experience to say the least!  I think that Andy and my view of the whole situation were skewed based on the fact that we were in the red light district @ 5 in the evening, while it was still light out, on a Monday.   There were sex shops beside gun shops that were beside grocery stores and churches, it was like nothing I had ever seen before.  I would say that Hamburg was the highlight of Andy’s trip and it was great having a familiar face around.  I dropped Andy at the airport on Wednesday morning, late of course because he insisted on packing in the morning instead of the night before. 


In terms of football not much has changed since my last email.  We have been putting in offensive plays and are just trying to hammer away at everything so that it becomes second nature.  Our skilled players are great and have a lot of dedication to learning and getting better.  Our biggest issue is our offensive line, they are a very rag tag crew.  If were going to succeed they need to start coming together as a unit, because without them performing at a high level we won’t have an ability to showcase the strength of our skill players.  Our other player, and my new roommate will be coming over on the 27th of March.  He playes tight End and is going to absolutely dominate in this league, on top of that he will make me look like Joe Montana!  He is 6’6”, 256 lbs and can run. I’ll just have to lob it in his direction and he’ll be able to do the rest.  I’m excited to have a room dawg as well, someone to roll with to the gym with and share groceries with.  I’ve been doing a lot more coaching than I had initially anticipated doing.  I’ve gained an immense amount of respect for coaches and the act of coaching. (Compliments towards you coach Cummings) Language barriers don’t help, but some people are just bad listeners. The youth team is fun but out of 20 kids, about 5 have some athletic ability, the rest look like they sit at home, play dungeons and dragons and watch dragon ball-Z.  It’s hard not to get frustrated when teaching a basic football fundamental and no one can grasp the concept of what is being taught.  I’ve concluded that instead of worrying about the little details the most important thing to o is make football an enjoyable experience.  The only way to keep these kids coming back and consequently have them improve is to make sure they’re having a blast.
I was in the newspaper a couple times in the last couple of weeks, which is pretty cool.  Our organization really works diligently to get its name out and be visible in the community.  This is hard work because we are a fourth division football team in Germany, but the effort is there, and so are the results.  I have attached the website link of the press clipping:
http://www.seals-football.de/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=164:amerikanischer-neuzugang-bei-den-seals&catid=34:inhalte&Itemid=78
This article also ran in a couple of newspapers. I know, I look young, I can’t help it.  On a related note my facial hair situation has grown in leaps and bounds recently, can’t really explain why, but I’m not complaining.  If I’m talking about my facial hair I’m getting the feeling it’s a good time to sign off. Once I again I appreciate all the love I’ve been receiving and keep it coming, it’s always nice to have your inbox inundated with emails.


Daily Clip---> Mountain Goats, more than PG.

This would only ever occur in Asia, that is why I need to find a way to get to this continent.  Don't skip FFW this clip, cause there is a monkey, and that's all you need to know.

I also listen to Wiz.

This song is ultra bubble-gum, and not an accurate representation of my Man. This is corporate.

This shot on the other hand. HAM.

I may have lied when I said I only listen to white Bois. Actually, I claimed that whitey's consist of 50% of my playlist, which is accurate.  The other 50% has been dominated by Mr. Wiz Khalifa.
 Today Rolling Papers  dropped. Cop this album.  Wiz has grown in leaps and bounds since even just last year.  I remember when I first heard Deal or No Deal around Christmas of 2009 I had no interest in Wiz. I thought, "all this dude raps about is smoking marijuana and stealing yo' girlfriend".  I concede the bulk of his content still pertains to these 2 subjects, but not inclusively.  Maybe I was just mad cause I was going through a break up @ the time.  Either way this dude has uped his subject matter and sings ultra well. Don't buy this album, just DL it illegally cause that's what the internet's for.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Daily Clip---> OLD MONEY MOTHER SUCKA.

This Dude is a fool for this one. After last name ever, first name greatest, got done hosting the Juno's last night I liked him Eon's more.  The clip is funny to erryone. You don't think this is funny re-evaluate errything you're about.

Daily Clip---> Childish Gambino.

You get sloppy drunk, I stay Whiskey Neat.  This dude is a maniac. Also, if you didn't know, this dudes name is Donald Glover and he acts on "Community". I did not expect this @ all.  Isn't that the best?

Environmental Masturbation revisited.

I am writing this post because my mom wants me too.  Her and I got into a heated argument last night after she read my post about masturbating the environmental friendly way.  Momma Ingalls did not see the irony, satire and pure literary genius it took to construct such a flawless post, but instead could not see past the subject matter of the post.  I say it's all in good fun.  She did not agree.  I enjoi writing about subjects that are typically taboo that everyone partakes in.  I enjoi coupling topics that do not usually get grouped together.  Please, if you feel I am being inappropriate, do not hesitate to voice your opinion and comment on my posts.  In the meantime I will keep the rest of my posts this week PG -----> PRETTY GANGSTER.

Gnarly Dude.

After 4 days of being confined to a bandage that I managed to get wet in the shower and have fall off my foot a couple of time I was FINALLY  able to remove the dressing around my ankle, clean it up and let it breath.  I was a bit shocked @ exactly what my foot looks like...






Surprisingly I can walk with little to no pain.  Bonus of this whole experience is that I got prescribed 60 Oxycottons, SIXTY. I have 46 left after the week.  Who knows people? I'm short on funds.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Masturbating, the environmentally friendly way.

In today's society there is a great deal of emphasis placed upon the importance of being environmentally conscious.  I believe in conservation and that every little bit can help.

Fellas, when masturbating think of mother nature not just Alexis Texas's fat booty and or Eva Angelina's fake boobies.  When you are about to crack one off plan in advance.  You may lose the spontaneity of just whipping out your pen15 club but you will be saving the world one jerk @ a time. Use a jizz towel.  I understand this seems entirely unsanitary, and in reality it may in fact be, (I have yet to do any appropriate research) but I do know it keeps kleenex out of your waste basket and consequently out of a land fill.  If you must insist upon using Kleenex place them in your compost, they are in fact compost-able.  One of the benefits of the cum rag is that you have a greater surface area to catch your personal cum-shots and less possibility of spillage.  Keep this in mind next time you have personal time, and if you have been lacking personal time, make time, it's feels ef-ing wikkid.

I only listen to White bois.

I don't know how much attention everyone has been paying to the rap game these days, BUT, there is a butt ton of white rappers making serious moves. It's fair to say that within the last few months 50% of my downloads and plays on my ipod have been of white rappers.  Dudes like Mac Miller, Machine Gun Kelly and Yelawolf have been mainstays in my world.


Being "White Boy Awesome" is now being revered in an industry where being nothing but a Gangster used to be acceptable.  People want authenticity, and these guys are nothing but themselves.   The days of selling records solely because you smoked some fool are done. Music's in a great place right now.

On a side note,  March Madness continues, and the tournament is being dominated by teams with slow non-athletic looking white dudes. Butler, BYU and North Carolina stand up!!!  For the record I have no problem with black people.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Framing.

August 2008 was a catastrophic month for me.  I was training hard the upcoming football season and was geeked and excited to strap the pads back on and hit the gridiron. Plans changed and I got my shit all caught up in the back wheel of my dirt bike and in the process I broke my leg and Ankle.  I was devastated and have not been the same since. Psych, I'm good, life's good, and what's even better is my quality of life will soon be back to next level quality. (More after the Jump)
4 regular screws, 1 humongoid screw and a plate
Yesterday I had surgery to have these screws and this plate removed from my leg.  It was a wikkid experience because I was able to watch the Doc unscrew a screw that was in my ankle bone and mash off a plate with a mallet because it had begun to bind with my fibula.
2 inches, that's like the length of my un-erect...
I have a bandage on the incisions until Tuesday but once I take it off I will be sure to post the pics for your viewing pleasure.  Hopefully they are uber gross, and if they are not, I'll just smear ketchup all over my ankle.

Around the World in 2000 Pictures.

Do any of these places look familiar??? Any of you been to these places???

Friday, March 25, 2011

Let's Get Real...Mr. Rogers



LET'S GET SERIOUS FOR A SECOND....we've all seen an least ONE EPISODE of 'Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood' okay. We all love and adore the very friendly and thoughtful-former sniper, Fred Rogers in his greatest role ever. But have we ever really questioned the lifestyle of Mr. Rogers?


My best friend and I have had this conversation on SEVERAL occasions. Let's discuss what happens everyday in his life shall we?



-Mr. Rogers leaves work mid-day to go to his secret other home in suburban heaven, at least it seems like it is not a first home (cause of the furniture and lack of other clothes in his closet) There are only 2 situations where I might be mis-judging him. 1) he is independently wealthy and excentric and doesn't have a job so he owns a second home because he can afford it. 2) he comes home on his lunch break while his wife is at work to make believe

-He changes from his work attire into his one of his many sweaters (to get more comfortable)


-Once he zips up a classic sweater, he then proceeds to change his shoes...if it's your home, and you're about to play make believe with a serious collection of puppets-you would think you may just walk around in your socks or even barefoot? (this is me thinking out loud of course, but I don't often chill in my shoes at home)

-this man is in his 50's and he has a completely secret life which involves puppets

-mid day, his BFF, a mailman, also stops his maile route to chill with Mr. Rodgers and watch educational How-To videos. These are grown men NOT WORKING to hang in the kitchen or watch a show. (DO NOT get me wrong, I loved learning how crayons and cheese are made-fascinating stuff)

-Names of the puppets: King Friday, Prince Tuesday, Queen Sara Saturday, and let us not forget Lady Elaine Fairchild (she always seemed like a witch or an evil enchantress-she was very anti the King cause she was a distant relative and was pissed for living on the outskirts of the kingdom) Plus Elaine had a gnarly red nose and wore a horrible red shirt, whilst the royals wore primo attire

-the other animal puppets are the same size as the people puppets. Yes, Daniel the Tiger is a large animal, but why is he the same size as the owl-this just doesn't make sense. And why does Daniel live in a giant clock?

-random humans visit the puppet kingdom and shoot the shit, as if this is totally normal and they co-exist. I'm sorry, but the humans clearly live somewhere else-THEY COULD NOT FUNCTION in the puppet world-everything is too small.

-the BFF mailman's name is Mr. McFeeley-CREEPIN' MUCH?

-then, once the make believe is over, Mr Rogers changes his shoes and sweater to dress shoes and suit jacket WTF? If he actually lives at this home, he leaves home again for the second time that day and will come back pretending he was at an 8 hour job.

.... the craziest thing about this entire situation is, that this lifestyle was going on from 1968-2001. He was never discovered and got away with it the whole thing.


Wow....HE IS GOOD. God Bless you Mr. Rogers!


The Home Land.


More Pictures of me in the Ukraine after the hip-skip-JUMP...











Thursday, March 24, 2011

Daily clip---> Fast Five.


I'm sure you've seen the first FF, maybe even the II'nd.  I've seen em' all and I will be seeing this one no doubt in my mind.  Paul Walker and Vin Diesel are comparable to Michael and Scottie, Malone and Stockton and finally Young and Rice.  Watch running scared if you haven't already, Paul Walkers best film EVER, EVVVVERRRRRRRRRR.

Eyez Closed.




This dude Snoop literally must be the coolest dude in the world.  He colabs with everyone, literally everyone.  He's had records with Kudi, the PussyCat dolls, Canada's own Belly, Wiz and the Taylor Gang and the list doesn't end.  I hate the term sell out.  Many would consider S-N-O-O-P to be a sell out but the man is in demand cause the man is a bausss.  Can't hate on him, why even bother, it's like being mad @ someone cause they're cool and people like them. Chuch.  On a side not how much of a BEAST is Ye on this track?

Daily clip---> New Captain America. This sh*t just makes you wanna lift weights.

Travels. Germany Vol I.

Hello All,

So I've been living in Germany now for just over a week and am just starting to get over the culture shock.  I must admit though that coming into my new situation with 0 expectations has made the transition much easier.  Fortunately enough I have walked into a great situation.  Everyone has been so accommodating and nice.  I was picked up at the airport by 3 of the guys on the team, Paddy, Knuppel and Toshy.  My first bit of difficulty was adjusting to the rudimentary English that they all speak, and then I learned how often I will be staring off into space when everyone breaks off into German.  By the time I return home my English will have become so rudimentary and poor that I might even need to go back to school to learn the basics (I know Grandma, it is possible for my English to get worse, and yes I am the only one wearing my pants a low as I do here! I won't be pulling them up anytime soon though!)  My first night I was out until 6 in the morning, which is like noon at home though so it wasn't too bad.  They through a nice party, not necessarily for me, but I did feel like the guest of honour.  Everything is open so late its crazy, you can be at the "disco" until 8 in the morning, and people generally don't head to the "disco" until 2.  One of the pictures I have attached is me on my first night with my new home boy Knuppel and Anja, Paddy's Girlfriend

It's taken about a week to get over the jet lag but I'm starting to get used to the time change.  My apartment is really nice, although I will only be living here for another week or so.  The head coach just arrived yesterday and I must admit it is nice to have English speaking company.  He is from Texas and holds true to many of the stereotypes associated with Southerners although he assumed I lived in an igloo and had a dog sled as a primary vehicle.  He is a very nice man and seems very serious about his football.  He has planned on living here a couple of years and is Bringing his whole family over come June.  Thats nice for me because come June, I'll have a secondary family, obviously they will be unable to eclipse my primary family, but they'll be my German family. 

Hannsestrasse
In terms of football it is pretty much what I expected.  There are some really good football players, for example Paddy who played in NFL Europe, and Knuppel who played in the 1st division, and then there is a some guys that were talked into playing by Paddy while they were both hammered one night.  It's a total mish mash which makes it kind of fun.  I was also told that I had a good arm, so my fears of coming over here and completely flopping have been dispelled.  Were practicing in a gym right now and have about 20 guys per practice.  Now that coach is here we will start to get some structure and a set schedule.  I wonder if after practice he will find it strange that half the guys are outside hacking butts?  Or I wonder if he will find it strange that some of the guys are 18, and that our centre must be 40 years old and weight 180 pounds, or as they say 80 Kilos.  We also have a dough boy for a guard, the gentle giant, who speaks less German than I do, although he is a Deutchlander.  Its going to be quite the season and I hope you can all keep tabs on me on the website.  I also get to coach the youth team.  They're all between 13-16 and they know even less football than the older guys.  They're tons of fun and have been receptive to my enthusiasm breeding enthusiasm approach.

Lubeck is a great city and I'm starting to become very accustomed to getting around.  The picture of the car I have attached has been termed the "Seals Mobile" and gets me from point A-->B with few amenities.  It's standard so I've had to bone up on my skills, and after a few embarrassing stalls I seem to have it down to a science.  Oh and I forgot to mention that the car doesn't have power steering.  I have a gym pass but with all the stairs I climb to my apartment, and all the driving with a non power steering car I'm not sure how much I will really be using it.  There are no snow ploughs here so when I first got here there were two tire tracks on the roads and thats it.  The snow has since began melting but there are still strange snow drifts everywhere.

"Riding along in my Automobile, with my baby @ the wheel, I took a kiss @ the turn of a mile..."

Needless to say I lucked into a very good situation.  I'm comfortable and happy.  Thank you to everyone who has been writing me and its great to hear from you all.  Please keep sending the love this way as I really enjoy having my inbox inundated with emails!  Talk to you all soon!

Jesse Ross
#18  



Travels Intro.

As some of you may or may not know I spent a good 10 months of 2010 living in Germany.  The vessel that got me over to the great Deutchland was football, American football.  I played football, worked for a textile printing company called Das Stickwerk and got to travel all over Europe.  While I was there I documented very thoroughly my travels.  I have 8 entries that I will be sharing sporadically on What up? What's Happening? Enjoi. 

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Making your Lunch.

Unfortunately I have a job.  When I am @ work I need to eat and therefore I have a vital choice to make on a daily basis.  How do I allocate my funds?  If you are like me and tend to skimp on "unecessary" purchases such as cafeteria sloppy Joe's...



and instead enjoi consuming goods such as J's and saving to buy Grillz then you find it most economical to make your  lunch @ home.  What a royal pain.  I miss the good old days of University, when after my hectic morning, that began @ 10:30 and ended @ 11:30 I could head home for a hearty meal in front of the TV watching Re-runs of Law and Order and allow my self to be taken into dream land after being hit with the ITIS aka ethnic fatigue.  If you are still in University, enjoi every lunch hour(s) like they are your last.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Daily clip--->Serena Williams, so hot right now.

WOW.  What's amazing about my generation is that this is readily available for everyone to enjoi.  back in the day this would be material worth "spending time with", in fact it may be now as well...

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Don't Hate On My Shows....




Over the last 10 years I have met a lot of people that feel they are too superior for some of the shows I enjoy watching. I am basically referring to the CARTOON GENRE.

I have literally heard some say that, 'cartoons are meants for kids' or, 'when I have kids I will watch them with them, but I think for now I'll decline your cartoon movie invite.' I'm sorry folks, but that is just plain ignorance.

Who makes cartoons, or any movie for that matter? ADULTS.

Now a days, most cartoons are more for adults anyways. Let's talk about recent films that were TOTALLY for adults:

-Toy Story 3, totally meant for adults that grew up and saw them 10 years ago
-How To Train Your Dragon-fun to watch for kids, but totally adult jokes thrown in
-MEGAMIND-that is straight up meant for adults (super hilarious) adult jokes, music is awesome (and adults will love the soundtrack), and the people voicing the characters-totally adult focused (Tina Fey, Will Farrell, Jonah Hill, David Cross, not kid appealing)

Tangled is perhaps more kid-friendly....but still very enjoyable for adults.

Let's be real, if you wait 10 years to go to the movies with your little kids (cause you're too grown up to watch cartoons now), you'll be like WTF, I missed out on alot of delightful/classic shows this whole time, what a shame. If you still believe yourself to be above my shows, I am more mature than you and don't hate on something you don't understand.

Ain't no shame in seeing cartoons people. DO NOT alienate yourself from a whole slew of great shows!

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Best 'Friday' Cover Yet

This is the screamo cover of "Friday". It's actually really good.
Here's why:
- there's no autotune,

- You don't have to look at some stupid high schooler wannabe,

- No auto-tune,

- Decent music,

- No auto-tune,

- You can't understand the lyrics - which for this particular song is an improvement

- Oh and did I mention, NO AUTO-TUNE!?!?

Friday, March 18, 2011

Mario Meets COD

Imagine if Super Mario were to combine with Call of Duty.  Freddie Wong makes that a reality.

Fat Kid Body Slams Bully



A little bully makes fun of a fat kid for being fat. Fat kid finally snaps and body slams little bully for all that he's worth. He can't even walk afterwards. Awesome job, fat kid. Fight back! ¡Viva la RevoluciĆ³n!

Rebecca Black Soon to be a Thing of the Past: /b/ is Gearing Up For Action


It looks like 4chan is prepping to do the world a public service.  The infamous /b/ message board has been running amuck with activity lately.  Anonymous has been fitting together a plot code named "Operation Black Friday" - a plan to knock Rebecca Black off the world wide web.

Switched.com reports as follows:
A call to action making its way around message boards reads: "here are some simple orders. 12pm est, start calling the school with all of the numbers and tardy bulls---, fax as many nudes of ANYTHING (girl blowing horse for example) and put rebecca's name on it. at 1pm est DDoS Ark Music Factory. at 3pm est, start requesting her (sorry excuse for) music on the radio"

Some users have already begun gathering and sharing the singer's personal information. A former student at her middle school recently posted the school's address, as well as a map of the campus and a copy of the academic calendar. Other 4channers, meanwhile, have been using social media to unearth the girl's contact information. According to Gawker, the trolls have already come up with a list of six possible home addresses.
The only downside to this entire plan is that Rebecca Black is a 13 year old girl.  We all know that Ark Music Factory is a threat to all things that are good in the music world.  It must be stopped by any means necessary. But the news media may spin this plot in a way that would make 4chan look like the bad guy, since the primary topic is a girl who is soooo young, sweet and innocent.  We've already seen the news media's sympathy for those who are cyber bullied; they would be all over this story, giving our beloved /b/ a bad rep.  This would also deter future efforts for knocking Rebecca Black and her horrible music out.

I say, let Black run her course.  Her music is crap, and she will fall off the earth like all other crappy musicians eventually will.  However, I fully support Anonymous' efforts.  If they are able to dent Ark Music Factory's evil plans to destroy pop music as we know it, then by all means, may they do what you must.

Best Rebecca Black "Friday" Covers (WARNING: only for those who are really really bored and don't have anything better to do)

rebecca black friday Pictures, Images and Photos

Acoustic Remake and Music Video Remake:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nhrNoJoSDk4

Stoner Version:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNhmq_7cpoU

Epic Mullet Guy's Version (actually, this one isn't bad, he sings well.  the lyrics still suck):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iw8IEd3LDzg&feature=related

Banjo Cover:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQrHy2N0dRE

Garage Band Version:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQrHy2N0dRE

Acoustic Cover that failed because the guy got fed up with the lyrics:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tyj5chuodO4

If "Friday" was used in Groundhog Day:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7ReCtipPac

Satanic Version (Slowed down to 1/2 speed):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_CiBVpD1ToI&feature=related

Rebecca's Acoustic Version without Auto-tune (be warned: it sounds worse than the original):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jtVtSTr070&feature=player_embedded#at=94

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Epic Meal Time: Jay Leno Aftermath



Our boys at Epic Meal Time made an Epic Shepard's Pie for St. Patty's day. Part 1 Below:



Part 2 right here:

Ark Music Factory--A Factory of Crappy Music

You know Rebecca Black's infamous YouTube video, "Friday"? That song and vid is just the tip of the iceberg. Ark Music Factory, the company that produced and wrote the atrocity of a song, has a line up of teen/child artists that are just as terrible, if not worse, than Rebecca Black. Don't believe me? Watch this video. I bet you won't be able to sit through the entire thing.



I truly hope and pray that these so-called "artists" will not ever make it big. If they do, I hope they will find someone else to write their songs, because everyone knows this music is trash. Although there may be some talent present, it is overwhelmed by shallow lyrics that don't flow, and cheap instrumentals.

For those of you who haven't heard, Rebecca Black did not write the song she performed. "Friday" was written by Ark Music Factory, the company that released the video above. I honestly can't blame Black for going with the song. She had some talent and decided that it was good enough for a record label. Unfortunately, she was suckered into a scam; a company aimed at mass producing music; an organization focussed on producing quantity, not quality; literally, a factory for crappy music.

Ark Music Factory set Black up to fail. According to Black, they set aside two songs for her. "[One] was about Adult Love," she comments, "I haven't experienced that yet." So naturally, she chose the other: a song about partying and indecision on whether to sit in the front or back seat of a car driven by her friends (despite the fact that she and her friends are only 13). I honestly don't think she's experienced that either.

On a different note, I love how she says that she hasn't experienced adult love "YET". All I can say to that is, "You'z a HOE!"

Bottom Line: Ark Music Factory is trash. Avoid any products coming out of there like the plague...the Black Plague that is! (hooray for cheesy puns!)

Soon to be Viral: Car Camera View of Tsunami in Japan

This is a video recorded from a Japanese news cast. A car drives down a beach-side highway when it gets slammed by the leading waves from the Tsunami. Coverage of the aftermath follows.

So if today's Thursday...?

Are you ready for it?


With the release of "Friday", Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, and every other social network or blog website will be flooded with witty remarks concerning Rebecca Black's ode to partying, "FUN FUN FUN FUN" and indecisiveness over where she's going to sit.

So guys, "Which seat should I take?"

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

Don't get too drunk, or you will end up like these people:


Epic Meal Time to be on Jay Leno

Epic Meal Time, or Karl's favorite YouTube channel, is making an appearance on the Tonight Show.






Check it out at this LINK

Odds are, it will turn out something like this:

March Madness BABBBBBY.

 Today marks the start of March Madness. OH SNAP. get your brackets ready! who u guys got as a cinderella??? I got Princeton cause they're smater than the a-v-e-r-a-g-e bear. If you're a lady do yourself a favour, pay attention to this sporting event and knock the sox off some dude with some March Madness predictions.  He'll prolly wanna masssacre ur privates even more, if that's possible.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

RIP Nate Dogg. Regulatorssssss, Mount UP.

As you may have heard Nate Dogg passed away today at the age of 41.
There is no cause of death being reported yet but the hook machine who makes bangers rattle had had a stroke in 2007 and 2008.  Nate Dogg was a swooning beast who could make the most gangster shit sound soft and cuddly.  Breezies sing along to his jams without even realizing what they were belting while dancing in a circle with their friends drinking white wine spritzers.

 Here are a couple of my favorite Nate Dogg features. What R ur favorite Nate Dogg jams???

Rebecca Black is Constipated

After going through frame by frame, we have found these embarrassing screen shots of Rebecca Black and her friends.

Click on any picture to get a closer look.

"I is retarded"

Friend on left: "Gosh, did you just fart?"
Rebecca: (thinking) tehehehe, I just farted.
Friend on right: Derrrrrrr...

Friends on left and right: "Stop singing! You're giving us migraines."

Constipated

"We wants it! We needs it! Smeagol must have the precious!"

I don't even know.  This is just an embarrassing picture.

"Heil Hitler!"

(thinking) Tehehehe, I'm gonna fart!

"Duhurhurhurhurhur! I farted!"

Constipated Rapper

"OH GOD, THE BABY IS COMING!"

Moar constipation.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

'No More Bieber Fever, I Have the Black Plague!'




Here are some outstanding comments made on the "Friday" video by Rebecca Black that made us ROFLMAO:

lol wait is this supposed to be funny or not....

ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!!!! ANOTHER MIDDLESCHOOLER SINGING AND DRIVING AROUND BRAND_NEW CARS!!! And ye saturday does come after friday!! -,- im jk.. mad autotune

SCREW BIEBER FEVER- I HAVE THE BLACK PLAGUE!

i dunno rebecca, what seat CAN you take?

Its really awful how many views this has, but it may be my fault because i keep posting it places and singing along with it to make fun of it...

she sounds so enthusiastic when she says "FUN FUN FUN."

Ke$ha for teeny boppers.

justin bieber finally finds herself a boyfriend.

BARF.

please, gods of youtube. do not make this girl famous

Iz dis real life?

What's frightening about all of these comments is that the majority of them are from people who actually like the song. I pray that this song doesn't start showing up on the radio. It is horrible. It is everything that is wrong with bad pop music.

Raw Footage of Tsunami In Japan

Watch this video in High Definition. Check out this 1st Person view of the Tsunami in Japan as the waves roll through the streets of Kesennuma.

Rebecca Black's Friday Possibly Worst Song and Music Video EVAR?

Rebecca Black's Internet music video "Friday" has garnered over 6 million views as of today (Tuesday March 15). It's been holding the attention of big names on the Internet such as blogger Daniel Tosh and YouTuber Ray William Johnson. However, this video is not getting its publicity from being good. It's getting attention because it is so horrible.

The song in the video features Rebecca Black, a 14 or 15 or 16 year old who can't decide whether to sit in the front seat of the car, or the back. WOOPDY FRIGIN' DOO! The song's subject matter is so shallow, it makes Nickelback look like Shakespeare. Black sings about how it's Friday, how she's going to eat breakfast from a bowl of cereal, how rushes to the bus stop but then gets into her friends' car and CAN'T DECIDE WHETHER TO SIT IN THE FRONT SEAT OR THE BACK SEAT!?!?!? What is this a song for kindergardeners?!?!? No seriously, is it? There's even a section of the song that puts the order of the days of the week to music. I'm not exaggerating. These are the lyrics:
[Bridge]

Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday
Today i-is Friday, Friday (Partyin’)
We-we-we so excited
We so excited
We gonna have a ball today

Tomorrow is Saturday
And Sunday comes after...wards

About 3/4 of the way through the song, a nameless 50 year old rapper pops in and spits a verse similar to Luda's feature in Justin Bieber's song "Baby" (which was way better than this BTW). I kid you not, he really is nameless. He doesn't do a lead in like Luda's signature "Luda! (Luda...)" and his name is never mentioned in any credits or in the video description.

To top it off, the actual video is terribly directed. Black's makeup makes her look like a cheap 14 year old hooker. Black repeatedly lip-syncs like she's constipated. I should go frame by frame and take out as many embarrassing screen shots I can find, because some of them are quite hilarious. Any ways, the video is so awesomely bad. If you want to watch it, here you go...



What do you think of the video? Leave a comment below!

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