HOSS FIGHT: An Appreciation

I love me a good ol' hoss fight, I reckon
Photo Credit: WWE.com

When SummerSlam came on the air, how many people out there were looking forward to Sheamus vs. Mark Henry? C'mon, don't be shy, raise those hands. I'm sure there were some of you out there like me who thought that a fight between two big ol' hosses would be one of the best matches on the card, but I'm betting the majority of viewers really weren't looking forward to this. Granted, I'm not sure I can blame a lot of people who haven't come to appreciate both the Celtic Warrior and the World's Strongest Man. In the past, similar matches between big guys have been on the oafish, plodding and boring side. They either featured two guys who were immobile and there just because of their size, or in the case of matches such as Kane vs. The Great Khali at WrestleMania 23, one guy was apt and one was a slug.

That certainly wasn't the case here, it hasn't always been the case in WWE, and especially now, it's certainly not going to be the case for a long time if the current roster develops the way it is. While the meme is that Vince McMahon loves big guys with muscles and nothing else, there have been a good number of mobile, athletic big men who've come through the halls of WWE and can work matches with guys of any size. Undertaker, Davey Boy Smith, Kane, Brock Lesnar, Batista and when he wasn't in his lazy modes, The Big Show have all been big men who could be counted upon to deliver in matches. With Chris Masters (pbuh), Henry, Sheamus, Wade Barrett and Skip Sheffield coming into prominence in the last two years or so and with Claudio Castagnoli heavily rumored to be getting a contract if he hasn't already, the new breed of big hosses is as good as ever.

So, while everyone stereotypically loves the little guy cruiserweight MOVEZ-fests, and while everyone seems to enjoy a good David and Goliath story, the HOSS FIGHT genre is still in distant third when it comes to combinations of such body types. People are coming around on it, but at the same time, I think folks are still hesitant to pick up on two big ol' guys just wailing on each other in a veritable clash of the titans.

Last night's HOSS FIGHT to me felt like a watershed moment in the genre though. I think if there ever was a match that could change people's minds about having two big guys go in there and just beat the crap out of each other, it was the Sheamus/Henry match last night. The way they moved around the ring, well, they didn't remind anyone of the light heavyweight technicians and flyers, but I do think they were light years ahead of shitfests that would have come about with any combination of duds over the years like Ludvig Borga, Heidenreich, Luther Reigns, Big Daddy V/Viscera/Mabel, Khali or the like, even if they were in there with someone able. It wasn't just "good for a big guy" match, it was a good match, period. Both guys came raining thunder on each other. Both guys did their part to sell each other's offense. The feats of strength were plentiful, and no one needed to strain to believe that the stuff that was happening was actually happening.

And the finish? My God, that finish was amazing. You had to figure it was going to take an unreal act to finish either guy off, and I'd say slamming someone through the guardrail, not onto, but through, is a great way to leave that visual in the heads of those watching. It was one of the best bits of storytelling of the night and maybe all year.

So yeah, while the main event may have been better and while Bryan/Barrett might have had more technical finesse to it, the HOSS FIGHT to me was the most impressive match. The thing is, I was expecting Henry and Sheamus to impress me. I don't know about you, but I love when wrestling presents believably impressive Kaiju₁ theater for me without needing the participants be dressed up as monsters to do it. When mortal men can appear as themselves but still make themselves appear as more than mortal men is one of the many instances when wrestling works.

1 - Kaiju = monsters from Japanese destruction porn movies. Think Godzilla, Mothra, etc. There is a subculture fed known as Kaiju Big Battel, which also employs Gavin Loudspeaker/Louden Noxious, where guys dress up in costumes and wrestle.

Big Sexy Destiny: WWE SummerSlam 2011 Review

I did not see this one coming in the least, did you?
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Personally, if you laid out all the finishes to SummerSlam that I thought would happen, I didn't think in a million years that Kevin Nash, acting apparently independently of Triple H, laying out CM Punk after he had questionably defeated John Cena to unify the titles to set up Alberto del Rio cashing in his Money in the Bank contract, would be the end game. Given all the agita that some folks on the Internet were giving themselves over this, the fact that Triple H's biggest impact in this match was him putting over the importance of having a title, i.e. putting Cena and Punk over his own supposed MO, should be the biggest relief in the world to those who thought he'd end up jizzing all over the ring, and I'm left feeling much easier about things going forward. With all that being said, SummerSlam was a damn fine PPV, and a fitting follow up to the white hot Money in the Bank.

Let's start from the top, after LEGENDARY guitarist Adam Jones played the National Anthem, we were treated to a surprise match. Miz came out, doing his best dime store Rock impression. I like Miz a lot, but c'mon son, you're better than that. That elicited R-Truth, which then elicited Alberto del Rio, and boom, there was team #1 for the six man tag. The faces, John Morrison, Kofi Kingston and Rey Mysterio came out with no real promos or frills. That's how I'd describe this match, at least for the first part of it. There was good tag team work from both squads, which leads me to believe that there's good potential for a tag division if WWE would get their heads out of their asses to build one and not wait for the Kings of Wrestling to magically save them. Oh well.

Anyway, there was a really good bit of cohesive spot-fu here by Kingston and Morrison against their heel counterparts, mainly Miz. The Awesome One tried a hair pull takedown on that hippie Morrison, but JoMo countered with a mock Pele kick. At another point, Miz and Kingston were tangled together, with the former going for his Skull Crushing Finale and the latter segueing into the SOS for a two count. The end sequence probably had the biggest firework display from Kingston of them all. Mysterio went for a double 619 attempt on Miz and Truth, but Miz slipped away, leaving Truth to take the brunt of the kicks. Thinking he was home free, Miz turned around only to see Kingston leaping at him from the top rope to the outside of the ring with a splash. When I tell you that Kofi got mad air on this splash, the guy got MAD FUCKING AIR. Rey finished off Truth in the ring with what friend of TWB and fellow PPV-watcher Jesse Draham termed the "tadpole splash", and the PPV got started off with a high note.

Between matches, we got our first Punk sighting of the night, sarcastically acquiescing to John "Funkhauser" Laurinitis' request for an apology, and encountering Stephanie McMahon for the first time since he called her idiotic in Vegas. She wished him luck, although Punk was skeptical. Afterwards, she offered her hand, but Punk "knew where it's been" and refused. Awesome segment. Seriously, there is no better all-around performer in all of wrestling right now than Punk. Steph was tolerable here too. I'd say if she didn't shriek and took more of a neutral character like her husband is right now, then I wouldn't mind her back on WWE TV on an occasional basis. Yes, I just wrote that. No, I don't know why you're all coming at me with pitchforks and torches. Was it something I said?

The second match of the evening was HOSS FIGHT 2K11, aka Mark Henry vs. Sheamus, and it was probably my second favorite match on the card. When you get two big guys in the ring like that, the tendency is for slow, plodding and boring. I think with Sheamus in there, you get a new breed of big guy. He's so much crisper, so much stiffer-looking and has an agility that most guys his size don't possess. Henry's got athletic qualities too, even if they're more understated.

That's why this match worked. Sheamus clubbed hard with his strikes, and Henry moved around the ring, acquitting himself just fine. There was one point in the match where Sheamus was resting over the second rope in the classic 619 position, and Henry charged in like a locomotive at full steam, leaping in a Big Bossman-style hip attack, only he went through the ropes and to the floor. Christ, it was a mean looking attack. Sheamus looked the part of a mold-breaking wrestler, showing his strength at one point breaking out of a Canadian backbreaker by Henry by ripping his arms apart, and then his agility at another, flying from the top with a big shoulderblock. The finish of the match is what made it for me though. It was a countout, but it was such a well-done count out and one that made so much sense that I feel like it was the only right way to go. The two were brawling around on the outside when Henry scooped up Sheamus, slammed him against the ringpost and then barreled through the guardrail, busting a giant hole through it, leaving Sheamus in the wreckage. Henry struggled back to the ring, but Sheamus couldn't answer the bell and was counted out. See, that's the kind of countout finish I can dig. The visual of the rail breaking open was way cool, and it would make sense that an impact that broke steel, padding and other hard materials would take Sheamus out for at least 10 seconds.

While I was left with a positive imprint of the PPV to this point and for the most part thereafter, SummerSlam was not without its glaring flaws, and they all seemed to be compressed within the 20 or so minutes between HOSS FIGHT and the Divas Championship match. The sequence went as such where there was a commercial for a fucking movie, Cee-Lo Green performing and then ANOTHER commercial, this time for Slim Jim. First off, I pay $44.99 plus taxes and fees so that I get wrestling, resolution, banter and the occasional WWE hype piece. The reason for the payment is so that I, and everyone else, aren't bogged the fuck down by idiotic commercials made by terrible companies with terrible ad departments (for the most part). If you're going to have advertisements during PPV, then for Christ's sake, don't charge $45-$55+ per buy.

Secondly, and I'm going to try and be as fair to this as possible because he wasn't terrible, but I think Cee-Lo's performance here is the big reason why televised wrestling and live music don't mix. Again, he wasn't bad, and I realize that the wrestlers all marked out like schoolchildren to have him there. Punk, William Regal and several other wrestlers Tweeted things about how awesome it was to have him there. In theory, the live crowd probably should have dug him too. However, there are a lot of things that work for a live crowd that don't play off well for the audience at home. Dance-offs on RAW fall in this category. Talent shows are another. Singers performing stand-alone at a wrestling event? They definitely fall into this category.

The strange thing was though, the live crowd didn't even eat this up. Even during its deadest during the matches, they were still able to generate some buzz for each match. Aside from the random lip-syncing girl in the crowd they panned to, no one really seemed to be into Cee-Lo. It's a shame, because he's a higher caliber performer than, say, the Chris Warren band or even Kid Rock (whom I think with his last album or two has turned into an alright singer, but he definitely appeals to a wrestling crowd more than Cee-Lo). And I kinda dug him. But at the same time, it didn't feel right to me, and I'm not sure I was the only one who felt this way.

The Divas Championship, as I mentioned before, was next, but a funny thing happened. It wasn't a murderific squishy-squash, but it wasn't terrible either. Either Kelly Kelly got better by osmosis of being in there with Beth Phoenix, or maybe Kelly just needed more of a stage and a better opponent than, say, Brie Bella, to ply her wares. I don't know, but this was actually bordering on a good match. A lot of it had to do with Phoenix openly mocking Kelly's moves, especially the stink face, which I thought was a great bit of dickery. A lot of it had to with Kelly's bumping, it being really the only thing she does well. I thought the flash pin coming out of the way-too-long setup for the Glama-Slam was a really good finish too. I don't think this was meant to be the finish to the feud, and with it starting a couple of weeks prior, I didn't think it should have been either.

Back to the back, Stephanie was shown coming out of Cena's locker room to throw in a bit more drama. Then, another commercial. ANOTHER FUCKING COMMERCIAL GAWD ASDFKASfda;sdfh... this time, that godawful Twix spot with the two cops singing the theme song from Mannequin. At this point, I thought we'd see a commercial for Suits or In Plain Sight or whatever other formula drama USA Network was coming out with next.

Daniel Bryan and Wade Barrett would be the next match, and it was a fine match indeed. Then again, it's Daniel Bryan. He could have wrestled Moppy to an adequate at least match, and Wade Barrett is hardly Moppy. I don't know if I was the only one who picked up on this or not, but towards the beginning of the match, it felt like both guys were channeling the World of Sport and Johnny Saint with the escapes and the grappling sequences. As someone whose memory is still fresh with Chikarasaurus Rex and the wonderment of Saint, Johnny Kidd, Colt Cabana and Mike Quackenbush, I thought that was a great little sequence, almost an Easter egg for folks like me who are familiar with the style.

It was clear that Barrett, who still needs some seasoning to me, had a great rapport with Bryan last night, but again, it's Bryan. Still, some guys look better in there with the erstwhile Best in the World, and this has been the best Barrett has looked ever in a WWE ring. It was the little things, really, like his almost seamless reaction to Bryan's matrix-in-the-corner escape into a waiting Black Hole Slam, or the fact that Bryan had to resort to crawling between Barrett's legs to escape him. I really liked his slingshot backbreaker too. It was innovative offense without really needing to make things complex. Obviously, Bryan brought his A-game too, but does he ever not come ready to dazzle? I loved the sequence out of the first Wasteland attempt where Bryan went from the guillotine choke into the LeBell Lock, into the KICKS~! after the rope break. Seriously, watching Bryan wrestle is the major perk of being a fan right here and right now.

I thought the finish was really well done too. You had Barrett in the corner, ready to take a Frankensteiner from the top, and then he just shoved Bryan onto the ropes. Crotching Bryan would have been good, but they went the extra mile by having Barrett clothesline Bryan off the ropes before going into Wasteland. Really slick match. I want to see more of this, and if Barrett is going to be in the main event without needing Money in the Bank, then he really should work more with Bryan so he can get a bit of a shine on him. They got del Rio acclimatized to WWE by having him work with Mysterio, so why not let it work with another guy they have big plans for?

The World Heavyweight Championship NO HOLDS BARRED match was next on the docket, and Christian had some words for Randy Orton. He brought out his insurance policy, Edge, who got a pretty decent pop. There was a love-in at first, but then Edge started berating Christian for his whiny behavior as of late. Anticipating the swerve with promo swerve... it was so meta. A lot of people thought this was the match of the night, and I'm not going to sit here and say that it wasn't a good garbage brawl. It was. I enjoyed a lot of it, but at the same time, parts felt needlessly excessive, and I didn't feel like Orton took enough big bumps to really put the match in doubt. I mean, three tables were broken. All three of them had Christian going through them. Yeah, Orton took a few Kendo stick shots, but at the same time, he dished out a bunch of them too. The Con-Chair-To was foiled. Christian took the stump DDT on the trashcan, the flip onto the steel steps on the outside and the big finish with the RKO on the steps. Orton really came out of the match unscathed.

Now, I'm not one to harp on a guy looking stronger than the other guy because that's pedantic and I fucking hate when people judge their enjoyment of a match based on parity. That being said, the story didn't draw me in nearly as much as it might have if Orton's health and well-being was put into jeopardy more than just taking a random Kendo shot or the Killswitch. People complain about John Cena being SUPERCENA, but Orton as the destroyer of worlds doesn't draw me in all that much. Remember when I talked about vulnerability being key for a good performer? Orton didn't put that vibe out for me, and he really hasn't for a good long time now. So yeah, he'll have good matches, even great ones, but it's times like these where he really hampers himself with the lack of big spots he takes. The no-DQ match was a perfect place for Orton to show that he could really generate something more than a pop for his RKO. He didn't. That's why this, for me, was maybe my fourth favorite match on the card rather than my favorite.

And now, after a shot with Stephanie giving Trips a good luck smooch, it was time for the main event. This is the match that is going to be dissected the most by everyone who watched and even those who didn't care to tune in at all. Cena and Punk had a very, very tough act to follow, but I thought that if any two guys in WWE right now were up to the task whose names weren't Bryan, it was these two. I thought Cena's entrance was really cool in turning to the camera and waxing about how this was the arena where it all got started for him. I thought it was really cool. The crowd, which was on the quiet side most of the night (although they were hot for certain guys, more on that later), came alive for this match, going into the "LET'S GO CENA/CENA SUCKS" routine every chance they could. It was so weird, there were barely any "CM PUNK!" chants, although he got a lot of the positive cheers for things he did. It was almost like this match was a referendum on Cena more than anything else. Something to chew on.

Anyway, the match at the beginning felt like it was your standard feeling-out process. Lots of headlocks and whips, strikes and rope-runs. Actually, I felt like most of the story revolved around how evenly matched the two were, even as they went deeper into the match. Case in point, Cena went for the Five Knuckle Shuffle, and Punk, like he did at Money in the Bank, went to kick Cena in the head. Cena, knowing that the counter was coming, blocked it and segued into the STF. That was brilliant storytelling. That was brilliant wrestling. That set off a stretch where guys were countering and countering and countering some more with some damn good submission wrestling from both men until Punk, while in the Crippler Crossface (!), gained the ropes.

The moment of the match for me came when Punk hit his plancha to the outside. This was the only spot in the match where Triple H stood out to me, and it was for the right reasons. Punk nailed Cena with his suicide dive, and then there was a double countout tease, mainly because Punk hit his face flush against the rail. Trips got to 9, and then said "fuck it". He decided he wasn't going to let the match end on a BS double countout, so he fetched both Cena and Punk. This interjection was positive because it ensured we were going to get a true winner. Trips got involved, yeah, but it was in a way that put the other guys over, put the match over. I dug it a lot.

From there, we went into a prolonged sequence of finishers and big spots. Punk and Cena traded strikes in BOO!/YAY! crowd reaction format. Punk got a majority of the YAY! cheers. There were a bunch of AA teases, a few GTS teases. Each guy kicked out of each other's finisher. At one point, Cena slickly countered Punk's springboard dive into a STF, something that I didn't think could be humanly possible. Punk elicited a "Randy Savage!" chant with a flying elbow from the top. Then, Punk just started laying into Cena, getting a buisaku knee to the gut, a few more kicks and a second GTS for the pin. Cena got his foot on the ropes, yes, which I thought at the time would be the source of controversy going forward, but Trips shrugged it off. Punk won, and all was right with the world. Hell, he even refused to shake Triple H's hand. SummerSlam would end with a happy ending...

...but then Kevin Nash came out of the crowd and all hell broke loose. A clothesline and a Jackknife powerbomb later, and Alberto del Rio comes in to cash his briefcase with a glimmering warlock and the 1-2-3.

This is the point of contention where most people will bicker as to the worth of this event. Personally, I loved it, and I'll tell you why. One, Nash's involvement, and then Triple H's bewilderment over it, gives the ending so much doubt and so many directions where they can go. Nash and Trips have a long history, and not just in character either. In fact, I'm not sure how far back their in-ring characters go. This was very much a wink-nudge moment that this top story has been built upon ever since Punk sat Indian style on top of the stage in Las Vegas and "spoke his mind". Secondly, it preserves both Punk and Cena as three-dimensional, rootable characters and gives an external villain for either of them to chase. Thirdly, it allowed for Triple H to have a moment at the end of the event without overshadowing anything. Fourth, it was genuinely shocking and at the same time, it still felt fresh.

All in all, I thought this show was a GREAT SUCCESS. It had its problems - the commercials and having Stephanie McMahon there almost superfluously being the worst - and it didn't really have that special atmosphere that Money in the Bank did (but then again, that's a minor quibble since MitB '11 is in at least the top five if not top three WWE shows since 1996). That being said, there really were not patently offensively bad matches, there were some great moments, and I thought the end, though admittedly polarizing, was memorable and sets up so many great options for storytelling going forward. Yeah, maybe Punk winning should have gotten more breathing room, but then again, he got his super happy ending in Chicago. I don't want to see CM Punk's super hot resolutions lose their specialness right away, y'know? That's why I'm more than okay with SummerSlam and its end. This caps off what has been an amazing summer for the Worldwide Leader in Sports Entertainment, and I'll be awaiting RAW tonight with baited bated breath.

Future Endeavors 8/12 Power Poll: Punk. Cena. YEAH.

1, 2 and two corporate goons
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Welcome to yet another edition of the Future Endeavors Power Poll, a poll ranking wrestlers on a weekly basis based on how awesomely they performed or were portrayed on a Tuesday-to-Monday cycle. It is voted by a who's-who of wrestling bloggers, including my blogging Bro-dongo, PizzaBodySlam. I will list the top ten, and then post and comment on my ballot. Here goes:

1. CM Punk (Last Week: 1)
2. John Cena (2)
3. Christian (3)
4. R-Truth (8)
5. The Miz (9)
6. Daniel Bryan (NR)
7. Sheamus (4)
8. Randy Orton (5)
9. Mark Henry (NR)
10. Kurt Angle (NR)

And now, my ballot:

1. CM Punk - Duh.

2. John Cena - Double duh.

3. The Miz - Channeling Bruiser Brody, the Tasmanian Devil and Jeff Gilooly, Miz set out to rid the world of Rey Mysterio, and he did, at least for Monday night. If wrestling were real, then I'd probably hire Miz to go and take out my foes. At least I'd know the job would get done right.

4. R-Truth - Little Jimmy origin story. Your argument is invalid.

5. Kurt Angle - Winning the Impact Wrestling World Championship and looking like the crazy dude who led the Heaven's Gate cult in the process got him here. If he ends up getting Bischoff, Russo, Dixie and Jarrett to drink some Kool-Aid and "head up on the spaceship", he'd get #1.

6. Mercedes Martinez - She went 73 minutes with Lexus, thus taking that phrase back from lesbian porn.

7. Brian Kendrick - He retained his X-Division Championship at Hardcore Justice. Sadly, I have no sarcastic entry for him.

8. Daniel Bryan - Stock Daniel Bryan ranking

9. Sheamus - I'm amped for his HOSS FIGHT at SummerSlam tomorrow. That doesn't explain why I ranked him, but yeah, I just thought I'd pass that along.

10. Lexus - The other competitor in that 73 minute match. In other news, I'm not sure that the combined time for WWE's Diva matches this year approaches 73 minutes yet, and she and Mercedes topped that in one match. Imagine that.

The Wrestling Podcast, Episode 14: Spencer Hall (EDSBS)

Photo Credit: Every Day
Should Be Saturday

Episode 14: Tiny Luchas: Songs from the Mexican Gift Shop

Spencer Hall, or Orson Swindle if you wiiiiill, is this week's guest on The Wrestling Podcast. He's the head guy at Every Day Should Be Saturday, so we'll talk a little college football. As is the custom, we talk about CM Punk as well, including describing him in ways that maybe others haven't thought about before. Also, why Sheamus' being an Irish stereotype is a good thing, why he hates John Cena and of course, some obligatory laughing at the expense of Darren Rovell.

Direct link for downloading

This Week in DVR: I'm a Good Guy Now, Fella

It's a fellabration!
Photo Credit: WWE.com

I watched what I couldn't watch live on my DVR and the Internet this week. Here's what stood out:

Matches

Colt Cabana vs. Joey Ryan on NWA Hollywood - Solid main event with a lot of good storytelling vis a vis Adam Pearce as the guest ref. I thought some of the TV editing cut off a good bit of this, going to commercial when Cabana was shoving Pearce. There was one flubbed spot on Cabana doing the Asai moonsault (which I can't criticize too badly because it was COLT CABANA DOING AN ASAI MOONSAULT), but the action was really good throughout. Some great brawling, and nice showboating tactics from Ryan. The DQ finish left me a little flat, but it was still a decent match.

Heath Slater vs. Trent Baretta on Superstars - Wow, who knew Heath Slater could work? Maybe he didn't get as much of a stage to shine as well as he did in this match, or maybe he did some overtime in FCW, learning from guys like William Regal and Big Dust. Either way, wow, what a match. Slater brought it on offense, which is good, because it's the first time I've been impressed with him when he was bringing the heat, and the first time I've been impressed with him overall since WrestleMania:

That will never get old. Ever. I think where I started to feel this match most was when Baretta ran to the corner and anticipated Slater coming in behind him. He did a leapfrog, but Slater just sidestepped him and kicked him in the gut. Really clever spot. I like his spinebuster too. Baretta was a great opponent for him too, because the former Dudebuster bumps well and has such reckless abandon. He's a great nouveau-style jobber. Solid finish with a good sequence in the corner going to Baretta whiffing on a corkscrew and Slater dropping him with an inverted DDT. Really good stuff.

Chris Masters and Santino Marella vs. Michael McGillicutty and David Otunga, non-title, on Superstars - No, it's not a typo. Otunga has made the honor roll. I think that's a credit to WWE that they've found a role where they can hide his deficiencies well and put him with a guy who can carry the load, even if McGillicutty is a little green himself. Of course, playing off two of the best workers in the company will do a lot to help that along as well. Masters didn't spend a lot of time in the match, but that's okay, because how about Santino? The more I see him, the more impressed I get with him as a total package guy in the ring. He just plays the crowd so well, and his expressions and bantering in the ring is second to none. He even has some cool moves, like that spinning fireman's carry takeover he did earlier in the match. I thought it was good tag fare.

Shows

NWA Hollywood - Okay show this week. The undercard stuff was underwhelming but alright, excepting the blindfold match. I really don't think it's possible to do a good blindfold match, to be honest. The main event stuff was well done, and this Erik Watts guy has a real good look. Very imposing. The injury angle with Cabana getting spike piledriven was okay, and I'm guessing they'll push him and Pearce as two guys with neck injuries going forward.

Superstars - Another really good show this week... baaaaaht, chu already knew that. It looked like they went with all extended length matches, which is good, because it lends itself to some good action. I thought that the first two matches were really good, and the main event between Jack Swagger and Alex Riley was just okay though. Riley is still really green, although he has some promise. When he learns how to work some basic psych into his matches, he'll be a lot better, but I pray to God that he ditches that awful "grenade" spot. Let's just forget for a second that Chuck Taylor's introduction of imaginary grenades into wrestling matches is so sublime that it renders anything else, imitation or not, just the very definition of moot. The gesticulations involved with Riley's grenade are just too drawn out and bad. And this is coming from someone who grins and bears it every time Cena goes into a Five Knuckle Shuffle. That grenade makes the FKS look like the People's Elbow and the People's Elbow look like a tombstone piledriver.

Impact - The show was mostly based on "Joker" Sting, Immortal and Kurt Angle as characters, centered around obtaining "stroke" and using the Network to engage in a power struggle. So therefore, I didn't much care for this week's Impact. About the only thing that was really enjoyable to me was the promo segment with Alex Shelley, Brian Kendrick and Austin Aries, but you probably already knew that.

Smackdown - Decent show with underwhelming wrestling. Triple H's segment to start was okay, not as good as Monday's. I liked seeing more Zack Ryder, but I hope this doesn't mean he's not wrestling anymore. The out-of-ring segments were stronger than the matches on the whole, especially the ones involving Daniel Bryan and Wade Barrett and the confrontation between Mark Henry and Sheamus. I like that Sheamus is going face too. People have been sporadically cheering him for a year or so, and I really look forward to a series of slugfests between those two big hosses.

Wrestling Six Packs: Best WWE Theme Songs Right Now

Punk just doesn't have bad theme songs
Photo Credit: WWE.com

So, CM Punk just debuted a new theme song, presumably, that is. I love "Cult of Personality", and I think it fits him as a theme song, although I wouldn't put it in the top 6 of theme songs in WWE right now. Which ones would I? I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK. NOTE: Of course, number one would have been Edge, but he retired, so he's disqualified.


1. Alberto del Rio



I don't know what it is about the mariachi theme, but it's so well done. Maybe it's that I don't expose myself to a lot of mariachi/Mexican brass. Maybe it's because it fits del Rio so much. Maybe I'm just a sucker for a good horn section. I don't know. But this is my favorite theme in WWE right now.

2. CM Punk/Killswitch Engage



Let's get it out of the way right now. "Cult of Personality" is the better song, no matter what my Twitter followers may say. However, I think this song fits Punk better. I don't know, it might be my Pavlovian reflexes kicking in, just hearing that opening riff and thinking, damn, Punk's gonna come out and yell "IT'S CLOBBERIN' TIME", but yeah, "Cult" is going to take a little getting used to after hearing this one a million times and then some.

3. Beth Phoenix



Even if all the other Divas theme songs weren't utter rubbish, making this sound like the song Tenacious D wrote "Tribute" about, I'd still love this song. It has that really cool Mellotron-sounding keyboard intro that gives Phoenix that special aura that she has as the presently undisputed War Queen of the Divas (until Kharma gets back, that is). Then the guitar riff that comes up afterwards is just bad ass.

4. Sheamus



Is this song on here because it's become a meme? (Shameful thing lobster head, too many limes)... maybe. Despite it being a transparent attempt at marrying nü-metal with Irish conceits, I dig it, even if I wasn't shouting TOO MANY LIMES, TOO MANY LIMES at it.

5. Daniel Bryan



You don't mess with the classics. Bryan's theme song makes him the heir to Ric Flair (Also Sprach Zarathrusta) and Randy Savage (Pomp and Circumstance), and yet it gives him a different feeling than both of them. Ride of the Valkyries portends a storm coming, a wild, turbulent ride where you, the opponent, are in for hell. That, in a nutshell, explains the offensive attack of Bryan, whose rough and tumble dive-to-the-outside trappings coming into the pain brought by his submission array. Wow, I just totally got all philosophical about a theme song.

6. Mark Henry



I just love a song that promises the splitting of wigs. I don't feel like I need to defend this choice.

Future Endeavors 7/22 Power Poll: NERDS

Yep.
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Welcome to yet another edition of the Future Endeavors Power Poll, a poll ranking wrestlers on a weekly basis based on how awesomely they performed or were portrayed on a Tuesday-to-Monday cycle. It is voted by a who's-who of wrestling bloggers, including my blogging Red Oct-bro-ber, PizzaBodySlam. I will list the top ten, and then post and comment on my ballot. Here goes:

1. CM Punk (Last week: 1)
2. Daniel Bryan (NR)
3. Alberto Del Rio (7)
4. Christian (9)
5. Mark Henry (5)
6. John Cena (2)
7. Rey Mysterio (NR)
8. The Miz (NR)
9. Sheamus (8)
10. Kofi Kingston (NR)

And now, my ballot!

1. CM Punk
2. Daniel Bryan
3. Alberto del Rio
4. Christian - I'm pretty sure if I have to explain any four of these votes to you, you're probably legally braindead.

5. Mark Henry - For the splitting of wigs that occurred at Money in the Bank.

6. John Cena - Honestly, I don't feel I need to explain this vote either, but there will probably still be those who say "JOHN CENA? YUCK" There's no convincing those people, so my rebuttal to them is NEENER NEENER NEENER IT'S MY BLOG AND MY BALLOT. I hope you find that retort to be mature and tasteful.

7. Sheamus - He powerbombed Sin Cara through that ladder so hard that it made the former Mistico fail a drug test in the past.

8. The Miz - All that was missing was him sacking the Georgia Tech quarterback and being carried off the field by his bros while Jon Favreau and Vince Vaughn cheered from the stands.

9. Rey Mysterio - He lost his mask, con. But Vince McMahon remembered his name before he shooed him to the back on RAW Monday, pro!

10. Zack Ryder - This week's "Stock Daniel Bryan ranking" is now a stock Zack Ryder ranking. Deal with it.

Future Endeavors 7/17 Power Poll: It's All About Destination X and RAW's Final Segment

The Most Intriguing Storyline in Wrestling, Well-Represented in This Week's Power Poll
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Welcome to yet another edition of the Future Endeavors Power Poll, a poll ranking wrestlers on a weekly basis based on how awesomely they performed or were portrayed on a Tuesday-to-Monday cycle. It is voted by a who's-who of wrestling bloggers, including my blogging Bro-ry McIlroy, PizzaBodySlam. I will list the top ten, and then post and comment on my ballot. Here goes:

1. CM Punk (Last Week: 2)
2. John Cena (1)
3. Austin Aries (NR)
4. Brian Kendrick (NR)
5. Mark Henry (7)
6. Randy Orton (3)
7. Alberto Del Rio (4)
8. Sheamus (5)
9. Christian (6)
10. Vince McMahon (NR)

And now, my ballot!

1. CM Punk - I don't feel like I need to explain this. If you need an explanation though, I'd like to congratulate you for waking up from your coma. Get well soon, and if you've been in there for seven years or longer, well, the Red Sox have won the World Series... twice. I know, shocking, right?

2. Austin Aries - I'd say I wouldn't need to explain this either, but I know that Impact is the red-headed stepchild of the wrestling world. Well no, that's not right, because that'd imply that the company didn't deserve the beating it takes on a sometimes-daily basis. Be that as it may though, A Double capped off an amazing month-long run with the Impact contract, and hopefully it means he'll get to be the star he deserves to be. That is until they pull the rug out from the X-Division again, but hey, it's good to hope, I suppose.

3. Brian Kendrick - OUR LONG NATIONAL NIGHTMARE IS OVER! ABYSS IS NO LONGER X-DIVISION CHAMPION! HOORAY!

4. AJ Styles - He won in the Destination X main event over his Fortune compadre, Christopher Daniels. I like AJ, I really do. In a perfect world, he'd have Sting-level fame, and I'm talking Sting in 1997, not Sting-doing-a-bad-hybrid-Heath Ledger-Jack Nicholson-impersonation in 2011.

5. Mark Henry - For the kicking of asses and the splitting of wigs, specifically the Big Show's, his own and Drew McIntyre's. Poor Drew though. He didn't even get the benefit of the giant air mattress for his fall.

6. Vince McMahon - I'd be lying if I said I didn't rank him this high because he said "LET'S HEAR IT FOR VINCE MCMAHON" again. So I won't.

7. John Cena - I docked him like two or three slots on the ballot this week because of his corny jokes to start the closing segment, but hey, he was still good mostly.

8. Daniel Bryan - Stock Daniel Bryan ranking.

9. El Generico - Steel cage win over Roderick Strong! OLE! -- EG WEB TRANSLATE

10. Jack Evans - He converted me from hater to admirer last Thursday by working a match and not thoroughly pissing me off during it. Good improvement!

Wrestling Oddsmakers: Smackdown's Money in the Bank Match

Your next Smackdown briefcase holder?
Photo Credit: WWE.com

See the RAW odds here

Okay, so I'm a bit late on handicapping the Smackdown MitB match. The field was announced a couple of weeks ago and reinforced with an opening promo on this week's show. Here are the competitors:

• Cody Rhodes
• Daniel Bryan
• Heath Slater
• Justin Gabriel
• Kane
• Sheamus
• Sin Cara
• Wade Barrett

As with the RAW match, I'm going to handicap the odds for each guy to win this match. This one might be a little tougher to forecast, even though they're strongly, STRONGLY hinting at one among the field taking it.

Heath Slater
Odds: 300 to 1


Yeah, Slater's most likely there to make someone look good, like this:

That is to say, he won't be holding the briefcase.

Justin Gabriel
Odds: 250 to 1

I'd venture to guess that he has similar odds to his tag partner, but I think his might be better. Let's not kid ourselves. He's got a flair in the ring that can make crowds love him and cheer for him. All it'd take is one big spot off a ladder and he'd go from lukewarm heel to budding good guy in a matter of minutes. Now, that isn't to say that I think he's going to win, just that he has a slightly better shot than his partner.

Sin Cara
Odds: 75 to 1

There's a lot riding on Cara right now, as he's Trips' first big signing and the heir apparent to Rey Mysterio as the key to the Mexican audience. That being said, with the visible problems he's having adapting to the WWE style, I doubt they'll give him the ball this early. Like Gabriel, he'll provide some fireworks. He'll probably get a good tease to win too, but I doubt he gets the briefcase this early in his WWE career.

Daniel Bryan
Odds: 60 to 1

Don't get me wrong, I'll be rooting hard for the American Dragon to get the briefcase. Him being in a World Championship match anywhere, any time would be just surreal as it would be markout-inducing. I also think he'll get to World Title level one day. I think they have some faith in him, or else he wouldn't be on the show each week in a meaningful program. That being said, I think we have to be real here. His time, whether as a built up contender or as a flash title grabber, isn't now.

Kane
Odds: 15 to 1

Kane won last year in a match where I'd probably have given him similar odds. His cash-in was a cool moment too. I think he's in the same spot now, although maybe I'd give him worse odds since he doesn't have Undertaker coming back soon to necessitate that he has a title (even though Taker has been above titles for a long time, but hey, whatever). I'd like to say they won't briefcase him two years in a row, but then again, there are so very few reliable hands on the Smackdown side and if they go Alberto del Rio on RAW, they may want to counter that newness with a guy who's been there before.

Cody Rhodes
Odds: 10 to 1

In about a year, Cody Rhodes has gone from Dashing to dynamite. Extending that to two years, he went from job absorber to having his own job absorber. Amazing journey for the younger son of Big Dust. While Wrestling Theory may argue he doesn't need and shouldn't get the shot, there's no doubt that he's on the cusp. The dark horse candidate of the eight.

Sheamus
Odds: 2 to 1

I'd put him in the favorite's spot, but they're telegraphing him to win. That usually means that he's being set up for the fall. The Celtic Warrior, who has been on fire in the last couple of weeks, has been to the top of the mountain before and would be a safe enough pick to win. Plus, he's got heat with both guys in the Smackdown main event. However, with Orton almost proclaiming him to win as a foregone conclusion, something tells me they might go in a different direction...

Wade Barrett
Odds: Even money

...and give RED BELLY the briefcase. They got really close to putting him through to the upper echelon last year by having him work with both Orton and John Cena. They're high on him, but this high? Well, if you look at the trends of who have won briefcases, things bode well for the former leader of Nexus. CM Punk's second briefcase came off him losing the Intercontinental Championship to JBL. Jack Swagger won his out of nowhere, being in a throwaway program around Royal Rumble with Santino before fading into the Superstar Zone between that time and WrestleMania. The Miz and Kane were both in the middle of big pushes, so they provide some sort of counterbalance to the trend. Either way, Barrett, coming off losing everything, now has a fresh start. Sheamus has heat with Christian and Orton and doesn't need the briefcase. Barrett? Right now, he needs an angle to cling to. That's why I feel like he's the favorite to win.

This Week in DVR: Scrap Iron, Conquering Hero

Ireland getting revenge on England for years of dickery?
Photo Credit: WWE.com

I watched what I couldn't watch live on my DVR or on the Internet. Here's what stood out:

Matches

Scorpio Sky vs. "Pretty" Peter Avalon, First Round Match in the "Be the Star" Television Championship Tournament on NWA Hollywood - A lot of really good counters here, both by Avalon and Sky. That was the story for this match, which may have run a bit too long but was more than serviceable. I liked Avalon's stall tactics to begin the match, and Sky's high-energy face offense is very crisp. I love his finish. Sky executes the TKO with such flair and exuberance. Good stuff.

Drew McIntyre vs. Zack Ryder on Superstars - These guys are two of my favorites to watch lately for different reasons. Ryder is so emotive, so spry and game, McIntyre so methodical, deliberate, vicious. It made for a really hot opener to Superstars. A lot of high spots here, first with Ryder going to the outside on a plancha. Then was the sequence of the match for me. McIntyre retreated to the outside with the ref restraining Ryder, and then Ryder went to the apron, only to get tripped up. McIntyre then wrangled the Woo Woo Woo Kid and nailed him with a sideslam onto the apron. HOLY SHIT. A huge bump can make a good match great, and that was about as big a bump as you could get without any extra trappings. The rest of the match flowed well from there. I really liked how Ryder looked like he was making a comeback and then McIntyre just put two boots to his face like it was no big deal. The finish worked for me too. Love countering moves into flash pins. Hopefully we get an extended series out of this.

Alicia Fox vs. Nattie Neidhart on Superstars - Yeah, you read that right, Alicia Fox made the honor roll this week. Seriously, Nattie did a lot of heavy lifting this week, but even with her training wheels on, Fox did some serious work. I'll admit, a big reason why I enjoyed this match was because of the banter between the two about Fox's weave. Great shit-talking during the match can enhance it so much. A big reason why I love Ryder, going back to the previous match, is because he'll pop up, look in either his opponent's eyes or right at the ref and go "You serious, bro?" It's that kind of thing that adds to the story. That isn't to say the actual nuts-and-bolts work was bad. Fox definitely was working the old "feeble woman" archetype from before SHIMMER and other serious forms of women's wrestling made headway in America, but the way she was working it, putting oomph behind her slaps and hairpulls, made it work. This was an actively good match. I'm as shocked as you.

Crimson vs. Bobby Roode, BFG Series Match, on Impact - Fun little match here. Crimson is still limited, but good thing for him, he's in there with one of the four best workers in Impact. I thought they sold the shoulder well during the match, both on attacking and on the pretense of injury. I also liked that Roode went for submissions during the match, playing up the increased point total for tap out victories.

Jesse Sorenson vs. Jack Evans vs. Tony Nese, Destination X Qualifier, on Impact - The last time I saw Jack Evans, it was on PWG Sells Out. He was in there against Christopher Daniels. His psychology sucked. His timing and pacing sucked. His character sucked. Everything about him sucked. Seeing him on Impact this time, and it was like he was a whole different character, a whole different worker. It was like his experience working abroad served to hone his high spots into something more than just acrobatics. Nese served as a great counterpoint with his stiffness and his bullying during the match (not surprisingly since his pedigree is from the NYWC). I liked in the beginning when he was trying to take both Evans and Sorenson on. I know that all the matches for the contract qualifying have been three ways, but I think this might have been way better if it were just Nese and Evans. Sorenson looked really green and I thought his finisher, the Cross-Rhodes type move, looked a bit on the wrong side of stiff into reckless. However, Evans and Nese were both the real deal. Love the 630 Senton. I'll readily admit I was wrong about Jack Evans, well, at least about him not being able to change.

Daniel Bryan and Ezekiel Jackson vs. Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes on Smackdown - Fun little tag match. Bryan and Zeke make a surprisingly good tag team, as we all know how good the former Legacy are together. Zeke on the apron, trying to get the hot tag? Holy shit, he got into that. He's a more natural babyface worker than I gave him credit for. I loved the spot in the corner too, where Rhodes countered the knee by Bryan into the Alabama Slam. Good stuff, but considering the four guys involved, it's not surprising.

Tamina vs. AJ on Smackdown - This was a nice little bit of Diva exposition. I'm still not a fan of the way WWE does feuds outside of the main event, but hey, if the matches are good, then I'm cool with it. AJ's athleticism sets her apart from the pack, and it was on display here. I'm kinda over the shining wizard being used by half the WWE roster, but AJ's looks good.

The Usos (Jimmy and Jey) vs. Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater on Smackdown - Speaking of feuds that the WWE advanced solely by having match overload each week, these two teams have developed a really good chemistry. This week was another fun match. I especially liked their new take on the double knockdown. Rather than clotheslining each other, Gabriel and one of the Usos (still can't tell them apart) did a double yakuza kick spot. It was really slick. I like the Usos finisher too, the superplex/Superfly Splash combo.

Sheamus vs. Randy Orton on Smackdown - Schmozz DQ finish aside, it was a pretty decent match. Orton's been working well as a babyface this year, but then again, look at his opponents - Punk, Christian and now Sheamus. Sheamus actually broke out some cool stuff in this match. The top rope shoulder block was okay, although you can tell he's not used to going that high, as there was some apprehension. These two have had some chemistry problems in the past, but I think they're developing more and more of a rapport. DQ finish worked in this situation.

Shows

NWA Hollywood - Decent show. The bizarro feud between the Tribe and Natural Selection is entertaining in a perverse way. It's almost like a competition as to which team can use tried and true heel tactics the best. I love it, even if I'm not enamored with the Tribe as actual workers. The main event, as noted above, was really good too. Still not buying Buggy as someone I really want to watch wrestle, but hey, nothing's perfect. However, the best part of the show was the middle segment, where Joey Ryan joined the Family Stone, only to be chased out of the ring by Adam Pearce, who to that point was doing a really bang-up job on commentary. Ryan/James Morgan vs. Pearce/Colt Cabana should be a really good top feud for the show.

Superstars - Ugh, I absolutely hate when they "main event" Superstars with warmed over repeats of the RAW final segment, especially when it's an interview one. I mean c'mon now, I can almost guarantee that if there was a Venn diagram showing viewership between RAW and Superstars, the circle for Superstars would be almost entirely engulfed by RAW's. Either way, the three matches before the end were all decent to good. The squash of the local talent by Wade Barrett was fun for what it was. Solid show.

Impact - The wrestling action, save the main event, was good enough. It was really awesome to start, but it started to peter out until your garden variety, let's screw the babyfaces main event. Yeah, no. I'm also really not feeling Joker Sting. It's almost like a bad caricature of a terrible Joker impersonation. It's like he realizes he's not really being serious about anything. It's bad. I will say that there were a few non-wrestling-match-related things that I enjoyed, which is rare for Impact anymore. One was Brian Kendrick cutting a promo that was in a character and not a pseudo-shoot. Two, was that finally, Kurt Angle's doing something other than feuding with Jeff Jarrett. Thank fucking Christ. But yeah, it was an alright episode for once.

Smackdown - Up until the end, this show was all about Sheamus. That's not a bad thing, fella. Him clearing out the ring to start was a great open to the show, although I was pretty enthralled by what Bryan, Rhodes and Wade Barrett all had to say. His promo backstage where he said "It's an Irish t'ing, you wouldn't understand" was so awesomely delivered. Him getting laid out at the end felt anti-climactic, but yeah, it's just another week, plus he is technically still a heel. I continue to enjoy how they're building up Mark Henry, although Teddy Long putting his stink all over him isn't promising.

Future Endeavors 7/7 Power Poll: Cena Is Beloved by the Net, Down Is Now Up

Was I the only guy to vote for McMahon?
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Welcome to yet another edition of the Future Endeavors Power Poll, a poll ranking wrestlers on a weekly basis based on how awesomely they performed or were portrayed on a Tuesday-to-Monday cycle. It is voted by a who's-who of wrestling bloggers, including my blogging Bilbro Baggins, PizzaBodySlam. I will list the top ten, and then post and comment on my ballot. Here goes:

1. John Cena (Last Week: 8)
2. CM Punk (1)
3. Randy Orton (4)
4. Alberto Del Rio (7)
5. Sheamus (NR)
6. Christian (9)
7. Mark Henry (2)
8. R-Truth (5)
9. Alex Riley (NR)
10. Zack Ryder (NR)

And now, my ballot:

1. John Cena
2. Vince McMahon - I'm not sure that final segment works the way it does if one of these two guys is missing. They totally made up for Punk not being on the telecast "live", and it was great TV, especially from Cena.

3. Daniel Bryan - Guys, I think they really believe in Daniel Bryan. The next person who says they don't emphasize him despite the fact he's in a prominent feud is getting my e-foot up their cyber-ass.

4. Sheamus - He ruined a contract signing and turned it into a fellabration by putting his real boot up the corporeal asses of both Randy Orton and Christian. This gets four thumbs up from Wrestling Fan Goro.

5. Alex Riley - BACKSLIDE~!

6. Christian - I'd say being the first guy to beat Sin Cara is worthy of getting on my ballot.

7. The Miz - He basically teabagged Riley after their match was over. Is there anyone better in WWE at doing the post-match beatdown than Miz right now?

8. Alberto del Rio - He got a big win on RAW that meant nothing in the long run. But hey, a clean win over Rey Mysterio with the cross armbreaker is no joke.

9. R-Truth - He saved 15% on his car insurance by switching to Geico despite the fact he was talking to Flo the whole time. That's impressive!

10. Zack Ryder - Yeah, I voted for him just for coming out and fist-pumping for a minute. So what, want to fight about it?

Kevin Kelly Tries to Go America All Over Everybody's Asses, Fails

Sheamus and Santino prove Kelly wrong
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Former WWE commentator and current ROH/Lucha Libre USA announcer Kevin Kelly raised some eyebrows about the viability of foreign-born/-billed wrestlers as draws in WWE. I guess he has a bug up his ass about Sheamus or Wade Barrett getting main event pushes, or maybe he's just xenophobic. I'm not going to FJM him, because K. Sawyer Paul did it first and probably did it better than I could. Damn these snazzy bloggers with their quick triggers on doing FJM to shitty journalism/opinion writing! I will, however, take another angle with Kelly. He claims that foreign stars will never be big in WWE or in any sport in America:

Hulk Hogan, Rock and Stone Cold are household names. Macho Man is too. John Cena is close but the WWE is not what it was a few years ago and as a result, Cena is not a true household name with the American casual fan. Kids, yes but not adults. Bret Hart is close too but he was on top when the business was in the toilet. Not his fault but while Bret is super-over with hardcore fans, the business climate from his time at the top knocks him down a peg.

Emphasis there is mine. Let's forget for a second that Andre the Giant was perhaps the greatest draw in the regional era of wrestling. Let's forget that Bruno Sammartino, Antonino Rocca, Eduoard Carpentier, Ivan Koloff, Nikita Koloff, the Great Muta, Davey Boy Smith and even Eddie Guerrero and Rey Mysterio (who, even though were born in America, have strong Mexican roots and could almost be considered "foreign" if you stretch the definition enough) all were super over and either drew money here or helped other guys draw money despite either being born in another country or billed from another land. No, Kelly's argument is flawed right from get-go one.

It really doesn't matter what the fuck Americans think about these foreign guys to an extent.

Kelly mentions the WWE's global initiative in the first paragraph, and then ignores that it exists when he rails against the WWE pushing them dirty foreigners here in the States. That's a dangerously ignorant thing to do, especially given how popular the WWE is in other countries (and conversely, how unpopular MMA and UFC are in some of those other countries... given how much UFC cuts into the WWE's PPV market and other demographics here, that's not trivial). If you're a company trying to make inroads into Ireland, wouldn't you want U2 on your side? Yeah? Okay, so then why is the WWE stupid for pushing Sheamus when they're trying to struggle for a market share in Ireland? Same with Wade Barrett in Britain or Alberto del Rio, Rey Mysterio and now Sin Cara in Mexico or even Great Khali in India.

The truth is, the world is turning into a global marketplace. Local business is being drowned out by Internet commerce and the wide reach of companies trying to use new media, new technology and the burgeoning global infrastructure to capture more and more viewers in places they have never reached before. Couple that with human nature of wanting to identify with people who looked, spoke, acted and had the same culture as they do, and it's a no-brainer to try and tap into each lucrative market.

The WWE has been trying, and succeeding, at cultivating a truly international product, for longer than they've had Sheamus, Barrett and the like on their roster. Kelly denigrates Bret Hart's impact on the business in that blockquoted snippet. While it was true that Hart was on top during a downturn in American business, he was super popular to foreign audiences. You could argue that the international money that Hart brought in helped keep the then-WWF with the resources and revenue that kept them in the same ballpark as WCW was with their Turner-backing.

Hell, and if they get over with American audiences too, which if Kelly would take his head out of his xenophobic ass, he'd notice that they are, then it's gravy. Hell, look at the guys who get the loudest face reactions at any WWE show. John Cena is American, Rey Mysterio is a stylized Mexican and Santino Marella is billed from Calabria, Italy. Three superstars, three countries.

If Kevin Kelly has an axe to grind with WWE, he might as well go about doing so with a better argument, because this one is not rooted in fact or honesty. If he wants to spout that kind of jingoism, let him go on Fox News. It's not needed nor is it welcome in a place where we as wrestling fans not only embrace guys like Sheamus, Barrett, Mysterio and the like, but know full well that their place in the business side of things is very important as well, even if in a wholly hypothetical situation, my fellow Americans spend zero percent of their ticket to see anyone not billed as 100% American, something which has been proven to be patently false.

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!

It's a Fathers Day Fellabration!

Happy Fat'ers Day, fella.
Photo Credit: Me

This is what my unborn son and my dog got me for Fathers Day. While Sheamus' theme song may be a shameful thing, lobster head, this certainly isn't. It's an all out fellabration!

And to all you fathers out there, from famous fathers in the industry like Big Dust to all you readers at home with children, Happy Fathers Day from The Wrestling Blog!

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!

This Week in DVR: Woo Woo Woo, You Know It

WOO WOO WOO YOU KNOW IT
Screen Grab Credit: WWE.com

I watched what I couldn't watch live on DVR and the Internet. Here's what stood out:

Matches

Los Luchas (Zokre and Phoenix Star) vs. Ricky Mandell and Hector Canales on NWA Hollywood - This was an extremely fun tag match, featuring some really choice heel antics by Mandell and Canales as well as some really unique lucha offense by the face team. Early on in the match, Zokre busted out this really unique submission hold, basically bending Canales' knees, spreading his legs apart and sitting on them. You kinda have to see it to really appreciate what I'm describing here. Canales was really on point mocking Los Luchas as well. My only real gripe with this match was that the crowd didn't react to Zokre's hot tag to Phoenix Star, but that's more disappointment with the crowd rather than anything to do with the match. Highly recommended to seek this one out.

Joey Ryan vs. Brandon Parker, Qualifying Match for the "Be the Star" Television Championship Tournament, on NWA Hollywood - This was a classic David/Goliath match up, although Ryan as Goliath might seem hilarious to most. Then again, have you seen how small Parker is? Ryan played the bully well, and they really told the story of them having a former student/teacher relationship throughout the match with the counters and such. Parker had great fire. About the only thing that was mildly disappointing to me was that they teased the Moustache Ride. I love that move. I wanted to see it, dammit!

Natural Selection (Brien Cage and Shawn Ricker) (c) vs. The Tribe (Hawaiian Lion and Navajo Warrior), NWA Heritage Tag Team Championship Match, on NWA Hollywood - A very rare heel vs. heel match here. I kinda dug it. It was funny to see a tag match without any of the babyface tag team tropes in play. My favorite spot here was when Rickers was working over Navajo's arm, and then he went for a hammerlock body slam. He hit it, obviously, but then he pulled up with his back lame, playing up the size disadvantage. I liked the DQ finish, with both teams trying to cheat, but the Tribe being the ones caught. Very good fish out of water affair.

Zack Ryder vs. Primo on Superstars - This was an almost pitch-perfect match. It had a hot crowd. It had a pre-match promo. It had Primo heeling it up during the match and Ryder hitting some big babyface spots. Hell, it even had a story behind it, well, as much of a story as a Superstars curtain-jerker could have. Ryder played a surprisingly good babyface during this match. Maybe that's where his future lies, especially since he has fan support? Anyway, really cool, WWE-main event style match (weird because again, it jerked the curtain of the C-show) with a really good finish, going from the Backstabber attempt into the Ruff Ryder for the pin. Man, Zack Ryder really is over, isn't he? Shame he's wasting away off RAW because McMahon reputedly hates the Internet...

Drew McIntyre vs. Vladimir Kozlov on Superstars - A fun brawl. McIntyre spent a good portion of the match working over Kozlov's arm and then another portion just bumping his ass off for Kozlov's cyborg-style offense. Drew Mac did his best to make Kozlov look really good here.

Austin Aries vs. Kid Kash vs. Jimmy Rave, Destination X Tournament, on Impact - All three guys were good here, but the biggest star of this match was Aries. His test of strength antics at the start put the match on a good tone. His execution on his moves was crisp. He took the biggest bump, the STO on the apron from Rave. Basically, if this was a tryout to show his worth for something more than peanuts from Impact or a real live contract from WWE, then I'd say he passed with flying colors. Him getting a further tryout at the PPV is the right call.

Samoa Joe vs. Rob Van Dam, Bound for Glory Series, on Impact - Samoa Joe is a miracle worker. Seriously, there's only one guy in the whole world who consistently gets good matches out of RVD, and that person is Joe. I don't know whether Joe has a calming influence over him, but he's not sloppy. And even his contrived spots, like his step-through kick, look better when Joe takes them. This was a very fitting opener for the BfG Series, which is a cool idea. It's a tone-setter, and hopefully, it's not a tone that they'll screw up.

Christian vs. Sheamus, Spot in the Capitol Punishment Main Event on the Line, on Smackdown - Was it me, or did they just run a feeler for Sheamus as a babyface worker in this match? Well, up until the end, that is when they went into the finishing sequence. Anyway, this was a worthy main event, but you knew that was going to happen when it was announced. Two of the best workers alive right now going at it with a bunch of TV time to ply their trade. A well-worked size mismatch with a really cool finish. The sequence was great right from the start when Sheamus knocked Christian off his perch and then went to work with knee scrapes. That wasn't even the best part, with them jostling position into Christian giving Sheamus a modified stun gun by leaping from the top to the outside into the pin. Great improvised finish that really put a punctuation mark on the match.

Shows

NWA Hollywood - Very solid show this week. All four matches were enjoyable on their own level, and there was some good promo work. The sit-down with Adam Pearce was well done for the most part, although they should have maybe had more volume on Pearce's mic. The end of the show being similar to last week's (although not as crazy) was probably intentional. It seems like the start of an interesting story, where every tag team really hates each other and we start getting something like Tag Team Thunderdome going on. I can dig that. I also dug that Excalibur made mention at the start of the show that criminal charges would not be pressed against either the Cutlers or the RockNES Monsters. It's the little things like that that can turn a good show into a great one.

Superstars - Decent show with four okay-to-great matches on it. However, I did have a couple of issues with it. One, Ryder/Primo should have been the main event. I don't care if Kane was in one of the matches, Ryder's match had the hotter crowd and arguably the most over wrestler of the whole show on it. Two, I'm really over this whole manager-search angle for Tyson Kidd. I mean, what good is a manager when that manager is not going to get involved in any of his matches? It shows a fundamental lack of understanding as to what the role of a heel manager should be while the action's taking place in the ring. But then again, I guess that would require the failed TV writers to actually know something about wrestling, wouldn't it? Three, Matt Striker has become really bad lately. I know I've defended him on here, but there really is no defending him lately. Between his "dead air" problem seemingly getting worse and then this week, him saying "Revenge belongs to Kane" after he beat Kidd. Really, Matt? What revenge did Kane owe Kidd? Nothing. And if beating the top heel on the C-show is revenge for Alberto del Rio taking out Big Show, then man, I want to live in Striker's world, because I'd have so much easier times doling out retribution for my wrongs.

That being said, it still was an enjoyable show. Like I said at the top, the matches were mostly good. I liked that they gave promo time not only to Ryder but to McIntyre. This was his first WWE promo that I heard where he showed flashes of the charisma he had in that infamous ICW promo that I've linked on here a couple of times. I can dig him as "The Great American Nightmare". He finally has some character to catch up with his excellent ring work. The star of the show unquestionably was Zack Ryder though. Seriously, he owned the first part of the show, and he's showing everyone that it's not just a Youtube show and pedantic smark bitching that's part of his allure. He's actually an awesome performer.

Impact - Hit or miss show this week. A lot of people online have been raving about the Sting/Hogan segment, but again, it speaks to my problem of them bringing too much outside bullshit into it. Also, Sting was so fucking over the top, I couldn't tell if he was really pissed at Hogan or just trolling the shit out of him. I don't know. What I do know is that there were a few really good nuggets on this show, moreso than maybe the last month of Impacts combined. The two matches that were on the honor roll deserve to be there and then some. Then you had the Eric Young/Jason Hervey "match" segment. It was definitely funny, just how serious EY was treating it. To me though, Aries made the segment, just through his bewildered reactions to everything and his reluctant counting of the sham pinfall.

The Angle/Jarrett stuff though... I don't know how to feel about this. On one hand, ending on a pseudo-cliffhanger where Jarrett's intentions of leaving the country if he lost the brawl feels so fucking cheap to me. On the other, my guess is that he is gone, and I'm just happy to see Angle get closure to this feud finally and move on. This really hasn't been a feud that I felt should have continued for as long as it has, despite the fact that it's gone 8 months (8 months? That's insane, especially for Impact). I don't know, I'm ready for it to end and for Angle to get on with his title shot.

Speaking of which, I'm a huge fan of the Bound for Glory Series. While I really fucking hate that they play it up like nobody else thought of doing it when Chikara is doing a 12-man round robin tournament, I like the idea of them making this the lead-in to their biggest PPV's main event. It's part of building an identity. And if they can make this a vehicle to have good matches, like RVD/Joe or start stories like they're potentially doing with Scott Steiner and Bully Ray? Sign me up.

Smackdown - This was a really flat show. Nearly everything about it annoyed me, from Alberto del Rio pressing charges (my least favored of the storyline tropes) to making a big deal out of concussions (although in this case, them treating it more like a bad kayfabed injury rather than making it JUST LIKE the out-of-character debate over them made it more palatable to me) to Teddy Long being all over the show to the super-botched finish to the six-man tag match to bullshit parity booking with the Divas to Orton punting the shit out Sheamus (because I'm over the punt more than anything else).

I say nearly though because the main event match saved this show from being a total dud to me. Just a phenomenal match. Too bad there was really nothing else going for it. However, I will say this. The fact that that they pretty much destroyed Mark Henry and Sheamus during this show speaks volumes as to their faith in Christian to carry Smackdown as the top heel. That is encouraging to me.

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!

Change I Can Get Behind, Fella

Photo Credit: Fox Wrestling News Tumblr

One of the bad things about watching RAW live is that I can't fast-forward through those dreadful Presidential "dream sequences". However, last night, they actually delivered on an entertaining edition of it... well, it was the second week in a row they did so, because last week, with R-Truth rambling about boats (but not hoes, sadly), but anyway, yeah, this week was really good too. While Khali's guttural closer elicited the biggest laugh from me, maybe the best total part of the segment was Sheamus.

So the folks over at Fox Wrestling News (something you should DEFINITELY be following if you like satire), took it upon themselves to make that poster and get behind Sheamus' 2012 campaign. There is the issue of Sheamus' birth certificate, but seriously, if you had that pale behemoth standing in front of you, would YOU question him? It'd be like if the Washington Monument grew orange hair and started kicking people in the face. You'd definitely pay attention.

Of course, before his "meeting" with Obama, Sheamus was already on the campaign trail, at least for us in-ring nerds who like submission holds. Look:

Photo Credit: WWE.com

HOLY SHIT IT'S AN IRISH CLOVERLEAF₁! I'm sold. Sheamus/Lobster Head 2012... Change You Can Believe in, Fella.

1 - In an unrelated note, what the fuck took them so long to give an Irish wrestler the Cloverleaf as a finisher? Clovers are about as Texan as liberalism and Vegan cuisine. Finally, Sheamus brings us some geographical sense to a wrestling hold.

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!

Future Endeavors 6/5 Power Poll: The Truth Has Set Us Free

Truf giving those Cena plants fans the what for
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Welcome to yet another edition of the Future Endeavors Power Poll, a poll ranking wrestlers on a weekly basis based on how awesomely they performed or were portrayed on a Tuesday-to-Monday cycle. It is voted by a who's-who of wrestling bloggers, including my blogging Khal Brogo, PizzaBodySlam. I will list the top ten, and then post and comment on my ballot. Here goes:

1. R-Truth (Last Week: 4)
2. Alex Riley (3)
3. Randy Orton (1)
4. Sheamus (8)
5. Christian (2)
6. Daniel Bryan (NR)
7. CM Punk (7)
8. Sin Cara (9)
9. Ezekiel Jackson (10)
10. Evan Bourne (NR)

And now, my ballot!

1. R-Truth - Little Jimmy got chided. Big Jimmy got a face full of soda. And John Cena got trolled hardcore into a WWE Championship match at Capitol Punishment... of course, if Truth apologizes. I'm sure he'll find a way around it. I'm finally on the Truf-Train now, mainly because he was so awesome on RAW last week.

2. Claudio Castagnoli - Two successful PWG title defenses last weekend get the Very European superstar here. His first title defense even came against his oldest friend and rival Chris Hero despite the fact that the top rope on the ring broke a third of the way into the match. That takes steely resolve.

3. Alex Riley - Another week, another step forward for Miz's former lackey. If WWE's not careful, they may have a budding superstar on their hands.

4. Alex Shelley - He was the bringer of fanservice last weekend, promising both a MCMG/American Wolves match and putting his name on the bottom line for a Generation Next reunion against the Young Bucks and a hired hand of their choice. Oh yeah, he also wrestled in two tremendous matches.

5. Daniel Bryan - Stock Daniel Bry... wait, what do you mean he won a match against Cody Rhodes last week on Smackdown? YAY!

6. Evan Bourne - SURPRISE win against Jack SWAGGAH~! on RAW and because, according to reader Dorian, I have a mancrush on him. Well, I will neither confirm nor deny that.

7. CM Punk - I think if you get a clean win over Rey Mysterio, you get a spot on this list. I love the Tajiri Kick as a new alternate finisher as well.

8. The Young Bucks - Survived the weekend as PWG Tag Champions, including against the reformed team of Austin Aries and Roderick Strong.

9. Akira Tozawa - Ended his whirlwind run in PWG for the time being with three standout performances, including an emotional, action-packed affair against Chris Hero. Tozawa is the man, folks.

10. Sheamus - For earning a title shot, fella.

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!

Future Endeavors 5/27 Power Poll: Punk Rulz Guys

1-2 in the polls, but where would they be on my ballot?
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Welcome to yet another edition of the Future Endeavors Power Poll, a poll ranking wrestlers on a weekly basis based on how awesomely they performed or were portrayed on a Tuesday-to-Monday cycle. It is voted by a who's-who of wrestling bloggers, including my blogging Bro-Magnon Man, PizzaBodySlam. I will list the top ten, and then post and comment on my ballot. Here goes:

1. Randy Orton (Last week: 3)
2. Christian (4)
3. Alex Riley (NR)
4. R-Truth (5)
5. Rey Mysterio (NR)
6. John Cena (2)
7. CM Punk (9)
8. Sheamus (NR)
9. Sin Cara (6)
10. Ezekiel Jackson (NR)

And now, my ballot:

1. CM Punk - If just for his RAW performance, paying tribute to Randy Savage and trolling the shit out of Bret Hart in the main event tag match, Punk deserves to get all ten votes on my poll. Alas, I don't think Don would appreciate it that much. Anyway, a true money performer who showed what he could do when given a big stage.

2. Alex Riley - HE's a star, at least for this week he is.

3. John Cena - Never give up, never surrender and all that happy horseshit. Maybe it's because I didn't see him as SuperCena at Over the Limit, but I also don't have the same bias against voting for Cena that I do against Orton.

4. Daniel Bryan - For once, no "Stock Daniel Bryan Ranking" explanation here. He had a great match against Chavo on Smackdown, and yeah, if I can have any excuse to vote for Bryan, I'll take it!

5. Cody Rhodes - Just make him emperor of Smackdown and have put paper bags over Orton's head each week. That would be the best feud ever.

6. Eddie Edwards - A successful title defense and a final "shit or get off the pot" moment of him actually taking the initiative and laying down the challenge to his tag partner Davey Richards gets him on my ballot. The more I observe, the more of a fan I'm becoming of Edwards' title reign.

7. Hallowicked - He arguably got the biggest win of the Chikara weekend by snagging a one-on-one pinfall victory over Lighting Mike Quackenbush in the 12 Large Summit tournament. Getting a pin over Quack is kinda like pinning Hogan in 1988. Y'know, if Hogan were a cool, laid-back awesome wrestler instead of a politicking jerk. So maybe it's NOT at all like getting a win over Hogan. Damn, I failed again :(

8. Vin Gerard - The other winner in last weekend's 12 Large opening matches, he scored somewhat of an upset win over Brodie Lee. Sure, he can't tag with STIGMA anymore, but that may be a plus for both men.

9. Christian - F the haters, Christian is awesome and gets this vote sheerly because of the lengths he goes to to make Smackdown work, even if he doesn't get the kayfabe plaudits to go along with it.

10. Rey Mysterio - He did some serious work in that main event tag match. Punk brought the theatrics and trolling, but Rey's face comeback work was a big reason why it was an enjoyable main event.

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!

This Week in DVR, Part 1: A Rare RAW Appearance

A Legacy Reunion!
Photo Credit: WWE.com

NOTE Due to time constraints and such, I'm splitting this in half. RAW, Smackdown and Impact will come in this report, and the Internet shows of NWA Hollywood, NXT and Superstars will come tomorrow.

I watched what I missed while on vacation on DVR. Here's what stood out:

Matches

CM Punk vs. Kofi Kingston on RAW - I can't be the only one who thinks that Kingston is improving each week, right? Then again, he was in there with one of the three best workers in the WWE, so yeah. Nice little match. I disagree with the booking, but hey, maybe I should resign myself to the fact that the WWE doesn't care about its secondary titles.

Alberto del Rio vs. Rey Mysterio on RAW - This shouldn't be surprising. Mysterio and ADR could probably turn out a watchable match in their sleep at this point. The finish was a bit disappointing, but it had to set up a PPV match between R-Truth and Rey Mysterio without hurting the Golden One, so yeah, it worked.

John Cena vs. Jack Swagger on RAW - Say what you want about SuperCena, and many of you already do ad nauseam, but the guy still knows how to work a great main event match. This was a good example of that fact. Yeah, it might not have fit with Swagger quitting on Cole earlier in the night, but yeah, at least the action was good.

Christian vs. Sheamus on Smackdown - Christian doesn't wrestle bad matches. Ever. So when he's in there with a good worker, one against whom he's worked before? Yeah, it's the kind of mojo that makes a Smackdown curtain jerking match feel like a real, main event battle. I think what stood out for me here were the near falls and kick outs, which came right at the last possible second and gave the match a real big time feel. I also liked Sheamus tossing Christian into the ring while Captain Charisma was on the apron towards the beginning of the match. Good stuff.

Daniel Bryan vs. Chavo Guerrero on Smackdown - Great little designed sprint that put over Chavo's jealousy and bravado. I liked both Bryan's resolve and Chavo's arrogance, especially at the end with the deliberate execution of the Tres Amigos and the frogsplash, coupled with the shock at Bryan kicking out. It did its job.

Shows

Monday Night RAW - Eh, this was an above-average go-home effort for Over the Edge. Nothing really offensive, but at the same time, it didn't wow me either. I'm not a huge fan of contract signings, but the wrestling was decent at least.

Impact - I'm so sick of the worked shoot angles. Seriously, Ric Flair coming out and calling out Bobby Roode because he injured him at Lockdown? Really guys, we're pulling out vague references to real life injuries for shit that happened in a worked match in a worked environment in a heated feud? Oh yeah, and wrestling really matters when Matt Hardy is able to beat the Young Bucks (not using their slave names here out of protest) by himself as a vehicle to get a feud between the X-Division and Eric Bischoff over, a feud that I'll be SHOCKED if it has a meaningful payoff? Yeah guys, wrestling really matters. I'm so over this show. I will say this, the Anderson-as-Sting ruse to close the show was pretty nice.

Smackdown - This was a really good show, a much better build towards the PPV than RAW was. I really liked the interplay between Christian and Randy Orton, even if Orton was a big jerk. /kayfabe The whole main angle, with Mark Henry and Sheamus involved, was very well-done. I have to say, I was a HUGE fan of the PiP promo by Sheamus before his match with Christian. Holy shit, it was random, but it was welcome, and I hope they do more of that on the show.

I also really, really dug the interplay with Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase. I'm hoping that there's a good story embedded there, because I really think that there's a complete package with Ted Jr. A proper feud between the two former Legacy minions could be really hot, and I think on Smackdown, with the more old-school approach, it could be done well. Hell, I even dug the Khali stuff. I mean, it's not even Khali who makes any segment he's in work, it's that he's such a great blank canvas. They made him interesting as a cog in the Cena/Nexus feud, and I really like how Jinder Mahal is playing off him to make the segment work. Now, of course I don't want to see him wrestle, but hey, if all he does is chop guys in the dome and do the Punjabi Plunge while Mahal does the heavy lifting, I can deal with it.

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!