Instant Feedback: Bearded Giraffes

I didn't expect anything major to happen tonight, being that holiday RAWs rarely ever do anything. I was somewhat wrong, at least towards the beginning of the show, although the end reinforced the notion that nothing ever happens except for standard "faces win out" on these kinds of shows. I guess that's why I could palate John Cena standing tall over both Jack SWAGGAH and Alberto del Rio here. There would be plenty of time next week when more people presumably are watching to give del Rio some shine. Plus, the context surrounding the Swagger counter and tap was pretty good. In the main event, they managed to further one of my favorite stories, Dolph Ziggler and SWAGGAH's rivalry for the affections of Vickie Guerrero. del Rio, who was the other star of the show through his Sean O'Haire-esque backstage segments trying to rally troops to do his bidding for him, played into that as well, planting seeds into Ziggler's head about what Swagger's true intentions for Vickie were. Lost in the trailers for shitty movies and the Triple H/Kevin Nash/CM Punk top storyline spinning wheels, there's a really good midcard angle going on here.

That being said, when one top storyline is glossed over and the other gets the standard SuperCena Über Alles ending, it might seem like a terrible RAW. Let's look at the former now. The show started off with a lacking start, even though Punk did his best to save it. I thought he was much better actually wrestling, which people seem to discount because of the whole PIPEBOMB shtick. We know he's great on the mic, but when he gets people to care about a match with R-Truth that doesn't have a whole lot of context around it other than "Hey, he wrestled his tag partner last week", then that's mastery. I do like Punk's paranoia here concerning Trips' intentions towards Nash, but I think a lot of the peripheral stuff has come off pretty badly. One, the narrative still has Punk coming off as, well, a punk to some of the audience. Two, Trips putting his COO position on the line so soon into the narrative? Maybe I can dig it, but it feels too soon for me, even if I feel like the match itself isn't too soon. Third, if Nash is really gone (and with him getting in Funkhauser's limo in the second segment means he's not, more than likely), then it's been spinning wheels since his reintroduction at SummerSlam. Four, there is no four, only Zuul. Finally, the payoff that Nash was the one who sent the text was lame. Like, beyond lame. It pretty much insisted that he's a main player when he's not, and really, no one watching the show for the last three months buys that Trips, if he's a fair arbiter (and to their credit, he has been portrayed as such), is going to choose a guy who showed up, waltzed in and gave an ultimatum over the guy who has sold out a shit-ton of t-shirts and gotten Trips a lot of positive press, if we can blur the lines between kayfabe and "real" for a moment.

Also, I couldn't help but smile at the video package for Zack Ryder, and letting him get the win to a deafening pop was proof enough for me that the guy has arrived and that the fans do have a voice. When Michael Cole is ripping on a guy, you know they've arrived. Ryder's exuberance with Cena afterwards was really cool too, almost like it was as real as it was supposed to be part of the narrative. I really like a good success story. That being said, the pretense behind the match, that Lawler doesn't like David Otunga and Michael McGillicutty because they have "no charisma", is starting to grate on me. I think I see what all these people who think that "personality" is a funny thing to kayfabe feud over.

Also, the sooner they get Eve out of an active wrestler role, the better. Beth Phoenix may have flubbed the Glama-Slam, but she at least looks like a pro wrestler in there. Eve does not. I do find it funny though that they're using that Katie Raymond article as a talking point on TV. Again, K. Sawyer Paul is a guru at this kind of thing. Speaking of people who shouldn't be on camera? Jinder Mahal and Great Khali suck out loud in the ring. Not even Evan Bourne's masterful bumping could make them look good. Also, when Heath Slater and Randy Orton is a RAW match? Well, let's backtrack on that. It was a decent match. And I get the reasoning for it. However, it's something that might have been better suited for Superstars. Then again, what match would replace it? A Mark Henry squash? No better. Eh, I guess I can't complain, especially since Orton, I feel, has started becoming more comfortable wrestling as a good guy. I really like that he's actually setting up spots, especially his stump DDT, rather than, oops, guy's on the apron, let's drag him in and DDT him. Forcing the setup just looks cool.

But if we're going back to the wrestling, the main event tag match was as good a wrestling match as you'll get on a RAW main event. Just excellent pacing and storytelling all around. I liked the interplay between Ziggler and Swagger, the fact that Swagger got to attain beast mode early on, Sheamus taking out centuries of Irish frustration on the proxy for English oppression, Wade Barrett, and especially the spot where Christian's slap enraged Sheamus so much that it got both of them counted out. Really solid action for a show that was actually better than the impression I gave off on Twitter tonight. It was very much a holiday RAW, but it was a somewhat well-executed holiday RAW. It had its flaws, but I enjoyed it for the most part.

Viewer's Choice: Either Go Full on or Don't Do It at All

Power to the people my  hairy white ass
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Last year, I was convinced most of the selections for the Viewer's Choice RAW were rigged, or if they weren't rigged, the choices were contrived in such a way that there was only one choice that could win. Then, for the main event, the dream match scenario of John Cena vs. Rey Mysterio came up, and the WWE Universe fanbase proved me wrong and voted for CM Punk. The resulting match produced one of the most surreal moments in 2010, as the Nexus debuted and not only laid waste to Cena but to the heel Punk and his Straight Edge Society henchmen. It was there that I was convinced that the voting, at least last year, was legit, because there was no way that they didn't want Rey, their other cash cow babyface, to be the other beatdown victim from the new marauding stable of rookie malcontents. Of course, I still maintain Punk was the better option all along because it reinforced that the Nexus really wasn't going to take shit from anyone, bad guy or good. It also provided delicious irony for later in the year when Punk assumed control of the group from Wade Barrett, but that's fodder for a whole other blog post.

So, I thought we'd see more of the same last night, right? Gimme choices, followed by maybe a poll where Zack Ryder was involved in and won despite being the guy who was clearly sent in as "fodder". Yeah, then Mason Ryan was selected as an opponent for Evan Bourne over Sin Cara. I wanted to see that match just for the lulz, but at the same time, I knew there was no way that the fans would have turned down the opportunity to see Bourne and nee-Mistico make the 4th of July come early, especially for a musclehead who is still learning how to work.

Well, turns out I was right. WWE posted a press release on their website saying that voting was "inaccurate" and that choices weren't reflective of what the fans wanted. On one hand, it'd be stupid to think that a staged performance would leave the show up to chance. On the other hand, when you promise "Power to the People" and don't deliver, it's just another bait and switch. For those who were born yesterday, bait and switch tactics are bad form.

Honestly, if they wanted Mason Ryan to obliterate Evan Bourne, then there was no need to get the fans' hopes up to do it. Yeah, they're probably going to have a make-good match on Smackdown between the two high-flyers, but it's not the same at all. You don't need to be a psychologist to figure out that people like to have a say in things, whether they deserve to or not. Why else do 50+ million vote in American Idol each year? Hell, why do you think people risk their lives for democracy? When you transparently act as if that choice doesn't matter, and then later on in the week blatantly tell them that it didn't, then you make for a lot of angry people. Angry people aren't great customers.

Granted, I doubt the WWE is going to lose a lot of business over this, but it's the general principle. If they keep doing things like this, or like advertising a dark match main event and giving them Mark Henry standing in the ring looking all pissed off looking for Sin Cara, then they risk alienating some fans. If I were them, I'm not sure I'd be in the business of intentionally alienating anyone. Sure, no decision they make is going to be 100% popular, but fucking with people is never a good idea.

So, here's what they should do next year. If they do Viewer's Choice again, then actually have contingencies for every option the fans may choose. If not, and if they have a specific booking plan in place, then don't fucking do Viewer's Choice. It's as simple as that. I don't want to hear 3 hours of John Lennon singing "power to the people" and feel like it's a lie. Throw me a bone or don't tease it. It's as simple as that.

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!

Your Midweek Links: BUY THE QUARTERLY

2/3s of the ultimate Fire Pro Trio, according to Brandon Stroud
Photo Credit: WWE.com

It's hump day, so here are some links to get you through the rest of the week.

Self-Shilling:

- Me and my blogging Bro-bert Plant Mitch from PizzaBodySlam did a podcast that had our fellow Fair to Flair cohort K. Sawyer Paul run in and cause outside interference. [Episode 6: Darkness on the Edge and Christian of Town]

- My Camel Clutch Blog column this week, all about my begrudging acceptance of Christian's new role as Smackdown's top heel. [Learning to Live with Christian's Heel Turn]

- My latest for Fair to Flair, on whether the WWE needs CM Punk or not... now with DISQUS comments! [Does WWE Need CM Punk?]

- Fair to Flair Quarterly! Have you ordered your copy yet? I keep telling you the best deal is $10 for the e-reader copy. It's cheaper and greener! PLUS you support about a dozen websites doing good work in the field of wrestling journalism. [A Beautiful Neighborhood]

Wrestling Links:

- 10 Questions with Kellie Skater [Dirty Dirty Sheets]

- You Can't See the Dallas Mavericks [South Atlanta Wrestling]

- Randy Orton gets propositioned for sodomy on Twitter. Hilarity ensues. [PizzaBodySlam Tumblr]

- Jerome Willen argues that R-Truth should be WWE Champion... [Camel Clutch Blog]

- ...but Trey Irby thinks that Truth should really be nowhere near the title for the time being (ditto Cody Rhodes) [Wrestling Theory]

- Razor flashes back to a year ago, when the Nexus changed the WWE landscape [Kick-Out Wrestling]

- Andre Harrison, meanwhile, takes the opportunity on the anniversary of its beginning to look at where the angle ultimately went wrong. [The Harrison Analysis]

- Beth Phoenix says the Divas aren't this close-knit sorority that is sometimes alluded to on screen. I AM SO SHOCKED. [Diva Dirt]

- Stephen T. Stone looks at Slammiversary. [Grapple Kingdom]

- The most compelling argument for wrestling as theater you'll ever read. [Fair to Flair]

- Does Mick Foley regret leaving Impact Wrestling? [Cageside Seats]

- 24 Biggest Wrestling Conspiracies Ever [TruTV]

- Dave Lagana podcasts with the barrister of the Embassy, Robert Evans [I Want Wrestling]

- The Best and Worst of RAW, 6/13, or how Big Zeke, Sin Cara and AmDrag are the best Fire Pro tag team in WWE history [With Leather]

Jamie Dobson Interviews:

- Super Tiger II

- Mike Dennis

Non-Wrestling Links:

- Charity alert! Kisses for Kyle Phillies block party is June 23rd! If you're in the area, go and help support childhood cancer research! [I Want to Go to the Zoo with Roy Halladay]

- Von Miller is... FOOTBALL HIPSTER [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

- Gwyneth Paltrow - Fat Shamer (Click through to see a .gif of Harley Morenstein from Epic Meal Time saying FUCK SALAD) [Uproxx]

- Speaking of EMT... bacon weave manicotti, for the haters. Smart. [Epic Meal Time]

- Cole Hamels is probably the best non-Roy Halladay pitcher on the Phillies staff right now. The only bad news to that? He's gonna want to get paid, and soon. [Phillies Nation]

- Is it bad for you to hold farts in? Yes, Drew Magary got that exact question at Deadspin. [Deadspin]

- The pros and cons of owning a smartphone [The Oatmeal]

- Still reeling from Sunday's episode of Game of Thrones? Read this! [Unreality Mag]

- Still reeling even after reading that recap? Here's some catharsis in the form of Tyrion slapping the shit out of Joffrey on loop set to Led Zeppelin. [Topless Robot]

- Bill Simmons' Game 6 NBA Finals retro diary [Grantland]

- If only LeBron played hockey... [Sports Pickle]

- Review of X-Men: Overnight Mail [Comic Books and Whatever]

- Did you want to see a collection of pictures of celebrities holding vinyl records? Of course you did! Plus, Joan Collins used to be smoking hot. [Buzz Feed]

- Terry Pratchett and the case for dying with dignity [Gamma Squad]

- Wear sunscreen, and by sunscreen, I mean human blood [The Onion]

- Schwetty Balls: The Ice Cream [Warming Glow]

- Absolutely brilliant. [Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal]

- A Knicks fan reflects on the NBA season [Hugging Harold Reynolds]

- Super cool retro poster for The First Avenger: Captain America [Blast-o-Rama]

- Hey, you a gamer? Well, prepare to get fucked by the industry. [Cracked]

- Dan Shanoff with a thoughtful response to the NBA Finals [Quickish]

- Terrelle Pryor leaves Ohio State to go to... Ohio State? [Every Day Should Be Saturday]

- Move over Chuck Norris, Sean Bean, aka Alec Trevalyan, Boromir and Ned Stark, is the new most badass mofo ever. [Film Drunk]

- Why dead kids make bad laws [Reason]

- Is the Heisman Andrew Luck's to lose? [Dr. Saturday]

- A look at new head coaches for three NHL teams [Puck Daddy]

- iTunes Store costs Apple $1.3 billion a year to maintain. [Cult of Mac]

- And if you weren't sick of the basketball links here already, Burnsy tells LeBron James how he can deal with his haters in a way that isn't "Haha, you have crappy lives and I don't" [With Leather]

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!