Wrestling Six Packs: Folks Who Should Be Managers

Grating as an announcer, but great as a manager?
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Delayed from last night because I was trying to concentrate on Smackdown. Anyway, WWE seems to be trying to bring back some old tropes. Tag teams are one thing, and managers are looking to be another one. Vickie Guerrero is courting Jack Swagger, and although it will come at the expense of her business relationship with Dolph Ziggler. Dreams of having a stable of wrestlers dashed, but at least WWE is acknowledging that the managerial itch is one that needs scratching. Here are six people who are ideal for being managers in WWE.

1. Michael Cole

This is the easiest thing to do in the whole company right now. Cole has the annoying bombast down, but it's not getting anyone over from the broadcast booth. The only thing he's doing is making people tune out. A change in role would do a world of change for Cole. As an announcer calling Daniel Bryan a NERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDDD, he's only reinforcing the narrative that Bryan is a nerd and really isn't worth anything. By calling him that as a manager for, say, Tyson Kidd? He's giving Bryan extra incentive to kick Kidd's ass and possibly get his hands on Cole as well. Simple things.

2. Matt Striker

He's another guy who was a misfit. As an announcer, all he did was bluster and pump out his pomposity. He never developed chemistry with any of his broadcast partners, and whether that manifested itself in snarky replies or dead air, it was bad. However, as a manager, it's that kind of bluster that can generate heat for his charges. Plus, as a former wrestler, he can take a bump and deliver a resolution in that regard.

3. Bob Backlund

I know what you're thinking. Backlund really wasn't known for his mic work as much as he was known for his acumen in the ring and his crazy, emotive action outside of it after he turned on Bret Hart in 1994. However, I think there's value in having him as a good guy manager in the vein of Jose Lothario for Shawn Michaels. Lothario didn't say anything, and really didn't need to. He was there to add gravitas to Michaels as a legitimate wrestler. Backlund, with his success in two different eras as a wrestler, could provide that kind of equity for someone who's clawing up the card and needs to "improve" in the ring.

4. Sunny

Cougar war! Sunny used to be a manager, and she has kept her looks over the years. Bringing her back as a counterweight to Vickie Guerrero would provide a great idea for an intermediary feud. Imagine the two in an arms race. Team Vickie vs. Team Sunny at Survivor Series. Competitions over which stable can accrue more gold. It virtually writes itself.

5. JBL

A Million Dollar Man for a new generation. They teased him being a financial manager with his Shawn Michaels-owes-him-money angle, but they ended it with the end of the angle. Again, he's a guy who can bump, and he has a LETHAL weapon in the Clothesline from Hell.

6. Mike Sanders

This one seems out of left field. Sanders? Where has he been? Didn't he leave WWE under dubious circumstances before? Well, none of that matters because when I see Sanders, I see a guy who could fit the Shane McMahon managerial archetype without bringing back Shane-O-Mac in an active role, the spry, bouncy manager who was always moving, always looking to cheat for his charges. Plus, he has the mic skills, which is a huge plus for a manager.

When Announcers Stop Caring: Why Taz and Jerry Lawler Actively Hurt Their Products

"Not for nuttin' Tenay, but I ain't got
the slightest clue what's goin' on!"
Photo Credit: ImpactWrestling.com

I get why people don't like Michael Cole anymore. Trust me, I do, and I'm actually there myself. I hate that he talks over guys like Jim Ross or Josh Mathews who are passionate about trying to get the stories and the action in the ring over. He's entertaining at times, yes, but increasingly he's becoming more and more of a nuisance and a caricature rather than being the guy who tells the truth (which is really where heel color commentators excel... Bobby Heenan and Jesse Ventura ALWAYS told the truth, no matter how sordid it was).

That being said, I'll still take him over Jerry Lawler any day of the week and twice on Sunday.

I also get why people hate on Mike Tenay. I've been doing it ever since I started the blog (unless I was talking about his run in WCW as the knowledgeable foreign wrestling analyst, which was GREAT). A play-by-play announcer shouldn't have the level of knowledge that a regular mark fan does. It's okay to be surprised every once in awhile, but announcers are there to show a little bit of authority at least. Tenay doesn't show that. Plus I hate his tendencies to call moves by their abbreviation and then saying the words right after.

That being said, he's leagues better to me than his broadcast partner Taz. LEAGUES.

I can stomach bad announcing, even if it grates on me. Fine, you have annoying habits, or you call my favorite wrestler "boring". I can deal with that. But the one thing I really can't stand is not giving a shit. Seriously, how hard is it to be enthusiastic about selling the product you're calling? The announcer's job is to make sure things are conveyed and that there's a sense of excitement attached to the things happening in the ring. Generally speaking, if the guy who's there calling the action is apathetic, then why the hell should I feel anything other than malaise? Even worse, if the announcer can't be assed to pay attention to what's going on in the storylines, then why should I?

Big example of this occurred on Impact Thursday. Sting had told Immortal that he was a network executive just so he could cause some shenanigans during the telecast. Towards the end of the show, before the steel cage main event between Kurt Angle and Ken Anderson, Sting revealed that he lied about being an exec, causing a great bit of consternation amongst the main heel faction. There was a big deal made about it by Tenay and to an extent Taz. Minutes later, Taz made note that Sting made the match because he was a network exec. I can only imagine Tenay's off-camera facepalm was epic at the stunning lack of attention paid by Taz. The worst thing about it is that it happened on a taped show. They could have cut that audio out. Then again, it is Impact.

It's the same reason why I can enjoy Booker T even if he has obvious flaws. It doesn't take a critical analyst to tell that Booker really gets into calling the action, and even if his knowledge lacks sometimes, or he states the obvious or he doesn't have the snappy comeback to put Cole in his place, he has a joyful exuberance that makes him a million times better to listen to then even some technically "good" announcers. He makes me want to get into the match he calls.

Why can't WWE and Impact see that? I mean, Lawler is an iconic name, and Taz used to work for WWE, so obviously, he's gold in the eyes of Dixie and Co. But those are things that shouldn't determine who your broadcast team is. Diamond Dallas Page is also an iconic name, but he also seems to be a guy who'd jump at the chance to sit next to JR on RAW and call action. Booker's an iconic name, and he knows how to sell sizzle. Adam Pearce is an iconic name at the indie level, and when he got behind the mic in NWA Hollywood, he was perhaps the guy who did the best job out of anyone who called matches for them. It's not mutually exclusive to be a good broadcaster and a big name.

The broadcast booths of the mainstream wrestling companies need enemas. Even if a guy like Cole is kept, as irritating as he is, at least he gets behind his character. If he stayed and Lawler left, I'd be super happy. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be alone either.

Daniel Bryan Has Made It

Daniel Bryan! *clap clap clapclapclap*
Photo Credit: WWE.com

At this time last year, Bryan Danielson was gearing up to appear for EVOLVE and DGUSA. After getting fired from WWE for using Justin Roberts' apparel against him in a manner deemed to be too real for the company's sponsors. There were those who thought that it marked the end of an experiment that was doomed to fail from jump. How could the best wrestler in the world make it in a company that was further distancing itself from that word?

Little did they know that a month later, he'd return as Daniel Bryan to the company, a conquering hero, helping John Cena put down the group that Bryan had helped form, only kept from surviving due to a jealous Miz. The next year or so was spent building up the small guy from the indies as a guy who deserved to be on the big stage. It was eminently clear during the first half of his reign as United States Champion. Sure, he spent the second half of it and every moment between losing the strap to Sheamus and getting his feud-starting win over Cody Rhodes languishing a bit, but name any WWE wrestler who hasn't gotten lost in the shuffle in the last couple of years whose name isn't John Cena or Randy Orton. You really can't.

So it's with this moment that Bryan was pegged, was marked for stardom if you will. The cacophony of Michael Cole calling him a nerd was just that, background noise (and how soon do we all forget that it was Cole's antagonism that got Bryan over in the first place), because the fucking American Dragon held a briefcase in his hands, one that guaranteed him a World Heavyweight Championship opportunity, and one that we were reminded all night long, had never been cashed-in for a loss.

I'd like to think that the timing of the decision was just right. On a night when CM Punk was given his biggest stage to shine, a night when Christian was able to outsmart Orton, maybe it wasn't happenstance that Bryan was chosen as the wrestler to tackle the briefcase. Maybe the winds of change weren't just a device that Wade Barrett used to get himself over during NXT's first season. Maybe they really are blowing.

And you know what? That's a win not just for us nerds, but for everyone. People have attached themselves to Bryan in the past, and they will in the future. Still, he's one of us, he's our guy. And I can't help but feel that last night, he made it. I couldn't be any prouder.

Follow Friday: 'Rasslin' Rousers of Rabble

You could call this week's Follow Friday a guide to the best 'rasslin'-themed trolls out there. These guys know how to push buttons, but they're hilarious doing it.

First up, it's probably the best and one of the originals, Typical ROH Fan, found @typicalROHfan (duh). He's the stereotype of every bad Internet wrestling fan out there, trashing WWE (except CM Punk and Daniel Bryan), pumping up ROH and mocking certain people for their Twitter misappropriations. He has his moments of lucidity, during which he is unusually prescient and knowledgeable.

Via the FakeSirCole Twitter

Second is the Fake Sir Michael Cole, found @FakeSirCole. The Fake Cole is definitely playing up the Cole character all the way to eleven. He does it well too. He's also on Tumblr and Facebook.

Finally, the newest Twitter sensation is Dearest Vince, found @DearestVince, obviously. This was created in response to the #DearVince hashtag created as a way to tell Vince McMahon what we as wrestling fans want (itself a reply to Vince's in character rant of not caring what the fans want on Monday with CM Punk). Well, a clever troll definitely took advantage of that and started replying to people who used the hashtag, including me (who used the hashtag as a troll myself). One of the best new accounts to come down the pike in a long time. Very sharp.

Wrestling Six Packs: Favorite Announce Teams

All hail the great and devious lord of Chikara's
Commentation Station!

Announcing is such a tricky beast. You can have great announcers, but what good are they if their partner's a dud, or if they're miscast? That's why you can't really look at single announcers as much as teams. Here are six of my favorite announce pairings or trios in wrestling today.

1. Bryce Remsburg and UltraMantis Black

Of course Bryce was going to be here. Hell, I love nearly everyone that has ever gone into the Commentation Station, and Bryce's exuberance is a huge reason. For whatever reason, I think he pairs best with Mantis. The Great and Devious One's macabre and methodical tone plays as a perfect canvas for Bryce marking out like a less smarky Joey Styles. It's just a perfect teaming.

2. Excalibur and Chris Hero

In addition to being a world-class wrestler, Hero takes to PWG's announce table whenever he can. The results are pretty epic. Excalibur, when left to work freely behind the table for the Guerrilla, is just a treat to listen to. He's a trove of wrestling trivia and move knowledge, and the excited calls and cursing don't hurt for me at least. He's there with a bunch of different partners, but for some reason, he and Hero gel the best. I think that it's a combination of Hero's natural charisma and knowledge as well as the chemistry and friendship that's easily sensed between the two. One of the reasons why PWG stands out above the fray.

3. Scott Stanford and Josh Mathews

I don't know what it is about Scott Stanford that makes me like him so much. Maybe it's his cheesy, over the top delivery, his palling around with Zack Ryder, his nicknaming, the seeming non-sequiturs... he's such a throwback, kinda like a Vince McMahon, only a little more knowledgeable about how to call an actual match. Mathews serves as a good foil for him just because of how understated he is. He seems the most comfortable with Stanford. Matt Striker was too pompous. Michael Cole and he had too much of an inside relationship that got old more quickly than I thought (without some mediator in between, as we'll see later in the list). But with Stanford? Yeah, it's a shame no one watches Superstars, because they're missing out.

4. Lenny Leonard and Leonard F. Chikarason

There's nothing really flashy about this team, but then again, they call matches for EVOLVE... that's the meat 'n potatoes fed. Wins matter. The action matters. They're pitch perfect for the fed, and they're both really informative, both with the history and with the actual action. I really dig it.

5. Josh Mathews, Booker T and Michael Cole

Booker T makes this broadcast team. He absolutely does. I've noted before that he's an anomaly in that he's a true neutral voice. I also love his banter with Michael Cole, with Cole needling him and Booker playing it off pitch-perfectly. His bewilderment at certain happenings is just priceless too. Booker is just like Dusty Rhodes as an announcer. He really shouldn't be all that good, but he just fits and is memorable for what some might term "all the wrong reasons". But if liking Booker is wrong? I don't wanna be right.

6. Bryce Remsburg and Mike Quackenbush

And we come full circle with another Commentation Station pairing. While Mantis' theatrical style plays foil to Bryce in one way, Quack is similarly a counterweight in a totally different style. He's authoritative, cerebral, calling matches like us nerds would write announcers in our random e-feds. Like Excalibur, he knows all the moves, all the history. And he's got such an announcer's voice too. It pairs brilliantly as the straight man to Bryce's super-fan.

Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein - Please visit his site to view the plentiful amounts of pictures he's taken for DGUSA, ROH and other indie feds: Get Lost Photography

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!