Daniel Bryan Totally Looks Like Trollface

Photo Found via Jenna Cooney/thisfire-burns Tumblr

Problem, Michael Cole?

Your Favorite Wrestlers Ever: Sean Williams

Now that my own favorites list is out of the way, I posed the question to some of my colleagues in the fan/writer community. Who are your favorite five wrestlers?

Next on the list is Twitter-phile and fellow Chikara enthusiast Sean Williams. He likes RPGs, puroresu and busting my chops. Here's his list:

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Two of Sean's favorites, right here

5. TAKA Michinoku - My first ever Japanese tape order was a Best of TAKA compilation that I wish I could find today. Even back in ’97 with the advent of the Light Heavyweight division, as a 12 year old, I knew he was special. He didn’t look like much, but his talent in the ring was undeniable. I devoured his mid-90s M-Pro work, and have followed him since through all of his Japan work. The Michinoku Driver was an insane finisher at 12, and seeing it in Japan where OH MY FUCKING GOD HE JUST DROPPED SOMEONE ON THEIR HEAD led to me being the gigantic eWrestling move whore I am today. Also, his jumping no-hands springboard dive to the floor is a work of goddamned art.

Oh, and the best theme music ever. A good friend of mine (who shall remain nameless) and I spent way too much time enjoying all of its remixes. “TAKA IS COMING. MOTHERFUCKER!” “I GON KICK YOU ASS!”

4. Test - Probably the most “out there” choice on my list, but I was quite possibly the world’s biggest Testicle when he had his biggest run in 1999 with Shane-O-Mac. He had a great look, and in my humble opinion, the best high end offense in the WWE at the time with his gutwrench powerbomb, pumphandle slam, top rope elbow, and later adoption of the big boot. I thought for sure he’d be inserted into the Survivor Series ’99 world title match that the Big Show ended up winning.

Even after he got depushed, he always did something I found entertaining: T&A, his pairing with Stacy, the Unamericans; hell, I even liked his ECW run. I loved when the writing staff would remember how bad Stephanie fucked him over. Wrestling’s lost a lot of great talent far too young, but Test’s death affected me more than all of them, because he was the one guy in the Attitude era I really, really got behind and cheered for, and I miss his work.

3. Christopher Daniels - One of the crispest wrestlers on the planet. Words cannot describe how sad I am that he never got a chance with the E or a TNA World Championship run. The fact that the Fallen Angel character is great and he can talk just makes it baffling to me how no one’s ever strapped a rocket to him and let him really go, not even Ring of Honor. He should have been a world champion by now, and the fact that he will likely retire without a world title to his name is criminal in my eyes. He’s how I got into indy wrestling in America, and without him, I’m not writing this entry on a wrestling blog site.

2. Kurt Angle - I love guys who can tear the house down in the ring that are ALSO great personalities. WWE Kurt Angle is probably my favorite wrestler ever. He loses some points for how he is now, because to me, Kurt Angle will ALWAYS be the purveyor of the Three I’s, the man who offered to flip his gold medal as a coin against HHH, the man who made out with Stephanie McMahon on SmackDown. Just as importantly, he’s the man who has the prettiest moonsault in wrestling, the awesome pop-up belly to belly superplex, and the Angle Slam. He’s the Euro-Continental Champion, and there’s way more that could be said about him, but you already know it all. It’s true. It’s damn true.

Oh, and (Little?) Jimmy crack corn, and I don’t care.

1. R-Truth - WHAT’S UP?!

Just kidding, Tom.

1. Eddie Kingston - This pick is definitely a product of my current fandom. If you asked me this question in 2000, the answer is Vader. If you ask me in 2004-5, it’s Kurt Angle. But you’re asking me in 2011, so the pick is the King of Diamonds, a man who I’m a giant fan of for pretty much every reason possible. His entrance is simply and low frills, but there’s something about Gavin yelling out “THE LAST OF A DYING BREED” that gets me every time, because it’s true. Eddie Kingston isn’t in WWE shape. He looks like a wrestler out of the 1980s, the local NWA territory top guy who’d get a shot at Ric Flair or Kerry von Erich when they came to town. He’s got other cool nicknames (“The War King” comes to mind). He’s tremendous in the Commentation Station when he’s there. And his in ring work is incredible, because he comes to the ring to beat you up.

Very few people love flippy spotfest wrestling more than I do. Selling is usually something I can take or leave if I’ve got a giant spotfest in front of me with guys doing a billion flips and ZOMG MOVEZZ! I love that shit. But Eddie Kingston makes it feel real. I’ve watched so many Kingston matches where I can’t tell if his knee is ACTUALLY shot to shit or if he’s just selling, and I’m really fine with it either way. He is a man who has been in wars who keeps WILLING his body to one more war. His match with Gran Akuma in 2010 was a HARROWING war with both guys just beating the shit out of each other. He had the best five minute match I’ve ever seen against Tursas His match at KOT with Arik Cannon was, again, both guys beating the shit out of each other. Shockingly, he then went on to face Akira Tozawa the next night, and they…no, wait, they ALSO beat the shit out of each other.

His offense consists of strikes that make you cringe and throws that make you do the same. Every Kingston match is a war, which is just how he likes it. And his rise from CHIKARA outcast to grudging acceptance as his role as the new ace of CHIKARA Pro, replacing Claudio Castagnoli in that capacity, has been some great subtle storytelling by Quack and company.

So yeah, I may wave the BDK flag proudly and will continue to do so. But even if Claudio and Ares Germanic invasion crew wasn’t there, I’d happily plop down my $20 to see Eddie Kingston fight someone. And really, isn’t that what it’s all about?

Photo Credit: Scott Finkelstein - Please visit his site to view the plentiful amounts of pictures he's taken for DGUSA, ROH and other indie feds: Get Lost Photography

U Mad, John Cena?

Photo Found Courtesy of Butch Rosser

I love you, Internet. Never change. Never, ever change.

Do You Want Wrestling?

Pictured: Wrestling.
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Gabe Sapolsky posted his daily question on Facebook today, asking what people thought about RAW. The first comment was someone complaining about there being a lack of skits and backstage segments, implying that there was too much wrestling. It's funny, because the Sapolsky crowd usually is the one that's hashtagging #IWantWrestling on Twitter like it's their jobs. Then again, I have no idea whether this JP Ham fellow is part of that crew, but then again, he wasn't the only one. A lot of people were bemoaning the lack of segments on social media from what I saw. Some of them were calling the show boring before the show even began. One of those people was Sapolsky himself.

Yeah, the guy, who apparently is one of the godfathers of this push to want more wrestling saw that CM Punk wasn't going to be on the card and decided he was going to watch baseball instead. I guess he only wants wrestling if he's promoting it, which is fine, I guess. At the same time, to call a show boring before it even starts, one that was actually full of this thing called "wrestling", seems dishonest to me, especially among the fans, who don't have a monetary stake in wrestling and who proclaim to watch the product to be happy and be entertained.

So, when they get what they want, why are they clamoring for the status quo? I mean, there were seven matches last night, six if you don't want to count that Divas match and if you don't, I won't blame you. The only competitor in those six matches who was overexposed at this point was Rey Mysterio, and he had two borderline great matches with Dolph Ziggler and then R-Truth. The Miz worked babyface perfectly albeit possibly unintentionally. Kofi Kingston got to defeat Alberto del Rio and then cut a promo afterwards. This was everything that "we"₁ wanted. So why are there those among us who shit on the main event thrust of the show? It's the reason why we can't have nice things.

Granted, I know why people do this kind of thing. They're trolls, or they like complaining. I get it, but it's just frustrating, especially when that crowd for weeks says WWE doesn't give you wrestling. Two days in a row, two shows in a row, it was nothing but wrestling in the spotlight. I dunno.

But I'll tell you this. If you really want wrestling, then you're not going to comment on social media that there's too much wrestling on a wrestling show. There's no such thing as too much wrestling.

1 - "We" in quotes to poke fun at the stereotype that the Internet Wrestling Community has a hive-mind and thinks alike, disproven a clause later.

Follow Friday: 'Rasslin' Rousers of Rabble

You could call this week's Follow Friday a guide to the best 'rasslin'-themed trolls out there. These guys know how to push buttons, but they're hilarious doing it.

First up, it's probably the best and one of the originals, Typical ROH Fan, found @typicalROHfan (duh). He's the stereotype of every bad Internet wrestling fan out there, trashing WWE (except CM Punk and Daniel Bryan), pumping up ROH and mocking certain people for their Twitter misappropriations. He has his moments of lucidity, during which he is unusually prescient and knowledgeable.

Via the FakeSirCole Twitter

Second is the Fake Sir Michael Cole, found @FakeSirCole. The Fake Cole is definitely playing up the Cole character all the way to eleven. He does it well too. He's also on Tumblr and Facebook.

Finally, the newest Twitter sensation is Dearest Vince, found @DearestVince, obviously. This was created in response to the #DearVince hashtag created as a way to tell Vince McMahon what we as wrestling fans want (itself a reply to Vince's in character rant of not caring what the fans want on Monday with CM Punk). Well, a clever troll definitely took advantage of that and started replying to people who used the hashtag, including me (who used the hashtag as a troll myself). One of the best new accounts to come down the pike in a long time. Very sharp.

Zack Ryder Vs. Convention... Convention Wins

Woo woo woo... where was he?
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Vince McMahon is a Luddite, if you believe Bryan Alvarez, that is. While I've had some well-documented issues with Alvarez recently, I understand it's pretty difficult trying to break news in the wrestling industry. When he says that Vince McMahon "hates the Internet" according to a source within the company, I take him at face value. Why?

Because there's no other reason than that for Zack Ryder not appearing on RAW.


We all know the following Ryder has amassed amongst the Internet. We all want him to have a bigger role. That want has spread, at least in his home area of Long Island. While he hasn't latched on in other areas, he was popular on the Island. He got several chants. And what did he get? A broken promise to appear on RAW. Another rib. Great job. The last rib that McMahon pulled off pissed off only one wrestler and paying customers. It was a stupid gambit, and now, he went and pissed off his employees too. Dolph Ziggler came with the boldest of the backlash:

You didnt rib 'the kid' tonight, you ribbed the fans, Long Island & the boys in the back! AND kicked him in the nuts! #RyderOrRiot

Seriously, more than just Ryder are presumably pissed at this.

Again, it goes without saying that Alvarez could be getting worked here. The circumstantial evidence is there, but again, it's circumstantial, and it would be inadmissible in court if this were a trial by law. Still, it's baffling why Vince would refuse to put a star over who made himself. I mean, isn't this the mantra from every single "old-time" star? Didn't Warrior spend a good sidebar on his Randy Savage tribute talking about how in the old days, guys made their own way? Didn't Steve Austin spend a good amount of Tough Enough telling guys that they wouldn't have their hands held? Brandon Stroud actually had a rant from his latest Best and Worst of RAW column about that:

Raw on Long Island comes and goes for the second time without an appearance from Zack Ryder, more or less proving that WWE doesn’t give a ripe shit how hard you work to get yourself over, and all that stuff Austin says on Tough Enough about making your own chances is a horse’s anus. Hey Austin, you know how you keep telling people how when you first got to WWE you were the Ringmaster and how terrible that was? Guess what? You spent the five f**king years before that on television having awesome matches with Brian Pillman and Ricky Steamboat and Dustin Rhodes and being part of the Dangerous Alliance, which is unarguably the best thing in the history of wrestling. You were a multiple-time champion, and you got fired just in time to show up in ECW during that one time period when getting fired and showing up in ECW was the coolest thing you could do. Then they made you King of the Ring and put you in a feud with Bret Hart.

How many of those things happened to Big Andy? How many of them happened to Matt Cross? F**king none of them. Andy got put on a wrestling reality show. Matt Cross spent five years wrestling Josh f**king Abercrombie. You didn’t make your chances, Austin, WCW and the WWF did. You just happened to be extremely talented at pro wrestling. Funny how that turned out, right?

Yep. Co-sign all of that.

This isn't some pedantic plea to get a guy more airtime. Not at all. Ryder is legitimately talented and has legitimately connected with a significant portion of the fanbase. This isn't 1998 anymore. It's 2011. The Internet matters, or else the WWE wouldn't mandate its wrestlers, announcers and air personnel be on Twitter or create a bunch of Facebook like pages or pimp the Internet achievements in their bullshit fluff "Did You Know" segments. Now, are the stereotypical "Internet" fans a majority group now? No, but there's gotta be a higher percentage of the audience that is plugged in the way we've always been in the last ten years. Ryder has become an especial star in this era of Internet. Sixteen of seventeen of his Z! True Long Island Story videos have garnered over 100K views. He has 37K+ subscribers. He has 123K+ followers on Twitter. As a reference, he's only 20K behind the current United States Champion. He has more than the challenger to that US Championship. More than the guy challenging for the WWE Championship. More than Rey Mysterio, i.e., arguably the company's second biggest draw.

Despite that success with the new media, Ryder remains ignored. Why? Whether it's because Vince hates the Internet like Alvarez's nebulous source says or because he didn't get over because of the Vince hype machine or because Vince just doesn't understand the new media, I'm not sure. I'm not sure I care either. It's bad not to even explore whether Ryder can make some kind of dent. No matter what the reason is.

Admittedly, I did come off nonchalant about the whole thing after the show. I didn't need Ryder to enjoy the show, as it was a good RAW. Plus, he probably got more of a chance to shine, albeit on a smaller stage, in a more meaningful way. That being said, this was something that meant a lot to Ryder. It meant a lot to his colleagues. It meant a lot to his fans. And yeah, if he did appear on RAW, I probably would have marked out too. No, scratch that. I know I would have marked out.

So yeah, here we sit, for whatever reason, Vince McMahon wants to continue to ignore a guy who has made himself. So when Ezekiel Jackson, he of almost no heat, wins the Intercontinental Championship on Sunday to absolutely no crowd reaction (and I like Big Zeke, but let's not sugarcoat this, the crowd is dead for him), and he wonders why, well, I hope he at least starts to get it.

I doubt it though.

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!

The Fans Didn't Ruin a Damn Thing

The Hulk Hogan Facebook/Twitter comment controversy is absurd because he's a guy who owns a company that caters to wrestling fans blasting wrestling fans for not being grateful enough to appreciate his product. This is the kind of delusion we all like to laugh at, even if no one would really pay it any mind if we didn't shine a light on the stupidity. Could I have let it alone on Saturday? Probably, but then again, I just don't like being condescended by a guy that wants me to spend my hard-earned dollar on his shitty, fourth-rate imitation of what wrestling was in 1998 (and unless you count the portion of my cable bill that goes to Spike TV, he's been unsuccessful in that endeavor).

However, what I find fascinating and infuriating is when fans start getting on the self-hatred train, or to be more accurate, when some fans start blaming others for the downfall of wrestling. "The Internet killed wrestling!" they cry, despite the fact that there are as many opinions as to how wrestling should be on the Web as there are grains of sand in the Sahara, and that booking to some nebulous body would be impossible. But let's entertain that notion for a second.

It's true, Vince Russo loved to book to the smarks and to the Internet. Hell, he still does. However, if he's booking to such a small percentage of the audience, then whose fault is that, the niche fans, or the guy who spurns the fans at large FOR the niche fans? That's the reason why people who are in charge are in charge; they have the good judgment to know which people to listen to and which ones to ignore, or at least they should. Shame on Russo for initially plunging WCW into the mire by continually booking to a niche crowd. Shame on WCW for continuing to employ him after his track record kept speaking for him. A million shames on Dixie Carter for continuing to employ him after a decade-long track record of futility.

The biggest fallacy though is believing that the WWE booked to smarks after Russo left. The biggest notch in the case against that argument is the Invasion angle. If so-called smarks booked the Invasion angle, and this is assuming that there's such thing as a nebulous band of fans on the Internet that all share the same brain, then do you think that the WCW faction would have been jobbed out as hard as it was? Do you think DDP would have been made Undertaker's bitch? That Booker T would have had to have played lackey to Steve Austin and Kurt Angle rather than leading the WCW guys himself? Hell no. If the "smarks" had their way, then RAW would have turned to Nitro, Hugh G. Rection would have unified all the titles and Eric Bischoff would have caned Vince McMahon on live television for 82 weeks straight.

It's coincidence that "smarks" liked the small guys before WWE pushed them. If Chris Jericho, Eddie Guerrero and Chris Benoit didn't get the reactions they got from larger crowds, there's no way the WWE would have pushed them. Jericho, Guerrero and up until the time he murdered his family in cold-blood, Benoit, were all super over with the WWE fans-at-large, and that's why they all got to main event status. Not because the WWE booked to smarks. If that were the case, where was Dean Malenko? Lance Storm? Jerry Lynn?

The fact is that the content-controllers have all the say in what goes on your television. If they try₁ to cater to smarks, it's their problem, not ours. If they put out content that doesn't draw or is low-rated or isn't satisfactory, it is their responsibility. I don't have to watch wrestling. I choose to watch it because I like the artform. I am free to choose what content providers I support with my money, my time and my attention. If I don't like a product, I'm free to do so, and it is not my fault for not liking it. If I choose to criticize a product, it is my protected right by the First Amendment to the United States Constitution to do so, as long as what I say about that product is factual or at the very least is presented as opinion. The former means that any failing of a product is due to the people producing it, not the people consuming. The latter means that I don't have to shut up and keep my voice to myself.

This is what Hogan, Bischoff and a certain sect of sophist fans need to realize. Of course, it's easier to blame anyone but yourself for your own failings if you're delusional and egotistical like Hogan seems to be. And it's fun to play troll if you're on the Internet and you really have nothing better to do. But really, it's a tired act and a tired talking point.

1 - And the key word is try, since it's IMPOSSIBLE to cater to nerds of any branch of entertainment. Case in point, people actually criticized X-Men: First Class this weekend because it didn't have continuity with X3 and X-Men Origins: Wolverine, despite the fact that some of those same people were the ones who loathed those last two movies. This is why we can't have nice things.

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!

More on the Mark Henry Rib

Somebody done got they ass ribbed
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Okay, so by now, you know I have a source close to a wrestler whose former ring name rhymes with Clamerican Bragon who's kinda plugged into things backstage in WWE. For reasons that I don't want to get him or BD in trouble, I can't name names. Obviously. I'm putting this disclaimer here because I don't want to be just like all the other "dirtsheets" who quote nebulous sources within the company when they report on these kinds of things. This is as much of a primary source as you're going to get.

Okay, so apparently, there are some details surrounding the Mark Henry rib. First and foremost, the rib came straight from the top of the company, Vince McMahon himself. Henry was told he'd be facing Sin Cara in the dark match main event. Henry went to go over spots with Cara, only to be foiled because the former Mistico doesn't speak English. At this point, Henry still didn't know it was a rib, and he went out to the ring while his music played on loop for 10 minutes. All the other wrestlers and agents were in on it, so they were crowded around the monitors to see what was going on.

Anyway, Henry waited out there for a good 40 minutes before saying "fuck this" and leaving the ring area. He went to the back and just started throwing a temper tantrum in the Gorilla position (for those who don't know, the Gorilla position is the antechamber between the mystical area known as "The Back" and the main arena, named as such because that's where Gorilla Monsoon used to hang out later in his career). He was overheard as saying "FUCK THIS PLACE, I QUIT". In the funniest development, he kept his tantrum going in the locker room, yelling at various guys while he was naked. I guess whether I could have kept a straight face with a naked Henry yelling at me would be directly proportional to how afraid I was of him.

I thought this story was pretty funny, especially Henry's reaction to it. I still think it was unprofessional to do, not because it was a rib on Henry, per se (ribs are pretty common in wrestling, just ask anyone who knew Owen Hart), but again, because it was toying with the crowd. You don't do that kind of false advertising, especially if they're accustomed to getting a dark match main event. However, I do admit that if I were in the locker room, I'd probably have been laughing my ass off at this too. Then again, if I were a pro wrestler or worked for WWE, I'd probably not be writing this blog. OR WOULD I?

Anyway, I also want to issue a formal retraction and apology to Michael PS Hayes. I doubt he reads this, but at the same time, I feel bad for insinuating a racially motivated mean-spirited prank when it was just a rib that came down from Vince himself. Mea culpa.

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!

Somebody Gon' Get They Ass Trolled

u mad?

Via South Atlanta Wrestling Via Dot Net

At the latest Smackdown tapings, Mark Henry moseyed on out from the back for a post-taping dark match against... well no one. Yep, apparently, the Smackdown bookers decided to troll the shit out Henry, and by extension, the live crowd, by having him wait out there for 20 minutes without sending an opponent out for him.

I'm a fan of a good troll as anyone, but there are a couple of things here to consider. One, Smackdown's head of creative is still Michael PS Hayes, I think. That's important to remember, as Hayes was suspended from his job at one point in 2008 (or was it 2009?) for making a racial slur directed at Henry. So there's heat there, and I'm not sure if this was a troll or something a little more mean-spirited. Two, and this is the important thing that Dave noted in his blog entry, that royally pissed off the live crowd. No matter whether wrestling is huge or whether it's maybe on a downturn, there's really no excuse for trolling the crowd. They're revenue generators. Whether they've sold out the building or whether it's half-capacity, they're the people you need to be satisfying. It's one thing to book a controversial main event. It's a whole other thing to falsely advertise a dark match main event and then not deliver in the name of trolling a guy who really probably didn't deserve it.

If you want to rib Henry, do it in a way that will rib just him and not the crowd. Otherwise, just give the crowd what they want, and that's a wrestling match to cap the show.

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!