Alberto del Rio Loves You, Why Don't You Love Him Back?

He's pretty awesome... BAAAAHT... chu already knew that.
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Last night, RAW opened with two momentous occasions. One, Triple H ceded the ring after a mere 9 minutes of air-time and probably 7 minutes of him talking, which is a record low for him. Two, the person he ceded the ring to, Alberto del Rio, cut one hell of a celebratory promo after his WWE Championship win the night before at SummerSlam. I was so enamored with his sly delivery, his sarcastically friendly tone of voice belying the utter cockiness and disdain he had in the content of his words. The facial expressions that go along with it, how insincere they are in the face of his true intention, are among the best that I've seen.

A lot of people trashed the promo last night, and that's alright. Nobody's perfect Everyone has their own opinion of how promos resonate with them, and I can respect that as a guy who has his own quirky opinions. That being said, some of those criticisms baffled me. The first criticism is that he's too comedic. There is an air of glibness to his delivery that I think can be confused with that of a caricature. I mean, he does reside in the trappings of being a Mexican JBL or Million Dollar Man. It's easy to see how he can come off as a parody, but at the same time, think about it for a second. Mexican Million Dollar Man. Doesn't that sound funny to you? Traditional Mexican gimmicks include masked luchadors, guys who say "HEY I'M FROM MEXICO AND... uh... viva la raza?" and the rarely visited, highly insensitive stereotype of the Mexican migrant worker who hangs out in the Home Depot parking lot. I'd say the fact that he's treading new ground gives him a lot of leeway here.

So what does that have to do with his over-comedic stylings? Well, I think rather than looking at him like a traditional wrestling caricature, I look at him as I'd imagine someone who's rich would act, at least a rich maniacal supervillain. Okay, that doesn't help the caricature argument, but then again, who said being a caricature was a bad thing? The promos are good, the delivery works with the character and he's getting a great response from the live crowds. I don't see it as comedy (even if he's exaggerating his character), but more as a guy really getting into his character. He's swarthy, he's cocky, he's sly and he takes joy in crushing those who get in his way. If that's not the recipe for a great villain, I don't know what is.

Of course, none of that matters if the execution is bad. Yeah, I know. That's a matter of taste. AND MY TASTE IS BETTER THAN YOURS Still, how can I not like a guy who walks around like he owns the place, has his own cars and opulent ring entrances and his own ring announcer, and does it all so smooth and slyly amusing at the same time? Plus, the dude can wrestle. Seriously, that match with Mysterio last night was as good as anything on SummerSlam, and SummerSlam was one of the best pure wrestling cards of the year.

So yeah, you guys can all go to hell continue enjoying guys who aren't Alberto del Rio. However, I get the feeling that he's going to be around for a long time. And I for one can't be any happier.

CM Punk's Validation from... John Cena?

John Cena, WWE's narrator incarnate?
Photo Credit: WWE.com

Last night's overrun did more than just provide groundwork for the Night of Champions WWE Championship match. When John Cena came out and lambasted Alberto del Rio for the way he gained the Championship at the end of SummerSlam, he did more than just wax hypocritically (I'll have more on that this week), he legitimized CM Punk as a top tier player.

Wait, what? Legitimized CM Punk? Yeah, he did. Words are powerful in wrestling, sometimes even moreso than the actions that will secretly speak to a wrestler's true intentions. That's why guys like The Rock could hold so much sway. When Cena spits fire like he did last night, he's in that elite category. So, when he told del Rio that he had no problem with the way Punk won the title from him last night, that was the biggest sign that hey, Punk now belongs and is worthy of your respect. Granted, a lot of people, namely, the men in the audience, already have given Punk their allegiance, but there are a lot of wrestlers who get support from the crowds who don't get it from management, so to speak.

For better or worse, Cena is part of the management now. It's not explicit, but if he gives you respect on camera, especially when it comes to a Championship that he seems to monopolize lately, then it's an explicit sign that you have made it and that people have faith in you. Granted, the fact that the show prior to the main event had heavy doses of Punk and Punk-related storytelling was another sign, and the fact that he's been the main focus of the main show for the last two months is another big sign. That being said, I look at Cena's stamp of approval to be the final part of his validation.

This is very important to remember when looking at his pattern of winning over the last couple of months. The more pedantic point of view would be to look at his wins and go, "HE ONLY WON AT MONEY IN THE BANK BECAUSE CENA WENT TO INTERCEPT SUPER DAVE OSBOURNE!" or "BAH! HIS WIN AT SUMMERSLAM WAS TAINTED BECAUSE CENA HAD HIS FOOT ON THE ROPES!" In a medium of entertainment where the finish can be everything, yeah, maybe I can see that as a lack of faith in Punk. However, when the Corporate Champion comes out and blatantly tells you not to pay attention to the finishes and instead pay attention to the body of work, then it's a big clue that the finishes aren't meant to be as analyzed as they're being and that yes, Punk belongs.

So that's something to chew on while Punk is away from the title to gain his revenge and to figure out who among the sleazy cast of corporate characters is going to be his Vince McMahon. Cena gave him validation, and whether you care about it or not, it's an important piece to the narrative.

Instant Feedback: Triple H Is Solar Powered

Any momentum that was lost last week from the main angle was regained. Why did we have any doubt? Did we think the soul-sucking WWE machine could take CM Punk and rob him of his ability to entrance crowds? Turns out the answer to that is now. Punk, who got loud reactions from an iffy crowd all night, a crowd that faded in and out all night long, showed that he can curry interest for a wrestling match by opening his mouth, not by holding a belt up to new theme music.

And let's not take credit away from Cena. He went meta at one point, mentioning workrate in his nerdy voice, and that was great from a different standpoint, but the rest of his delivery showed him at his best. He needs to be the strong, moral, lawful good voice that counterbalances the Punk who's chaotic good persona draws in the male fans who like people who like to watch the world burn. The WWE could really be onto something if they cultivate a split fanbase and start exploring the fact that different wrestlers appeal to different demographics.

They'd also be wise to have Triple H play as much of a background role as possible. Of course, his forced star turn tonight couldn't come at a worse time in terms of selfish reasons, as I'm planning a bunch of entries that look to reconcile my past as a wrestling fan re: Trips, and if I end up coming to a conclusion that forgives him and he ends up fucking up SummerSlam? Yeah, I don't even want to imagine that. Triple H as a forefront character for this angle is bad. As someone in the background, he works, especially if he lets Funkhauser, err, I mean Super Dave Osbourne, err, I mean John Laryngitis... err, Laurinitis become the real lightning rod proxy. It also helps that Mr. Ace has a puro education, because I doubt that flash kick from Punk was the last bump he'll be taking.

Of course, the perfect contract signing wasn't the only thing going on here. A lot of stuff happened on RAW tonight, including two potential SummerSlam matches being taken off the card. The first saw Miz continue Rey Mysterio's injury angle with a STELLAR beatdown. Again, he shows why he's the best at the Pearl Harbor, bar none. Obviously, since Rey will be back next week for his rematch, it lends credence to the report that his injury is just a "tweak". The other match taken off the books potentially has been R-Truth/John Morrison. Some have been speculating that it's a warning shot to go along with Melina's firing. It makes sense to me, but again, no primary source, no reporting as fact. That being said, with those two matches being moved off the card ostensibly, is it too much to ask to see Miz and Truf win the Tag Pennies and become JeriShow 2K11 at SummerSlam? Please?

This was a banner night for promos. Alberto del Rio's spot before his match with Punk was pretty good. Truf was hilarious as always. Punk's line of "Triple H needing the spotlight so much that he's solar powered" was GOLD, JERRY, GOLD. Of course, the wrestling was good for the most part too. Cena/Swagger was good. Kofi/Truth was deceptively excellent. After a week where they may have taken off, RAW bounced back with a strong show, one that gives me hope that maybe, just maybe, they won't fuck up SummerSlam.

Selling Insults: Why Promos Need to Hurt Too

Your attitude is not needed, Mr. H
Photo Credit: WWE.com

When RAW opened Monday, and the barbs flew between Triple H and CM Punk, I had a good feeling that we were going to be headed towards another stellar edition of the WWE's flagship programming. Then we went backstage, and Trips pretty much undermined the whole segment, at least apparently, by basically shrugging and going "no biggie" at the whole arsenal of Punk's insults. I was nonplussed at this first, but acting like you're mad isn't the only way to show that a person's words affect you in some way. Maybe when he made his announcement later, he'd stack the deck against CM Punk and really put the wheels in motion towards a Austin/McMahon-esque feud between the new COO and the rising co-WWE Champion.

But no, he came out, put John Cena in his place, and made a match between his two fractured Champions for unification at SummerSlam. There was no hint of plot advancement, no hint of conflict, even though the first segment conveyed it, which turned Trips' denial of anything Punk having to say to him meaning anything into a blowoff for what was a compelling 20 minute open to the show.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not opposed to non-traditional storytelling, nor am I clamoring for a NPC to get involved in the main event feud for the third biggest PPV of the year (let's be honest, the Rumble is #2, and I'm not sure it's even close anymore). However, when you've got a guy who has a notorious history of being too cool for school when dealing with people who aren't his best friend, his mentor or Big Dave Batista, then maybe it's not the best idea to be trotting him out there against two guys he's not going to take seriously, especially when they're the centerpiece of the most important feud in the company right now.

A promo is only partly effective thanks to the things that the guy cutting it is saying. Granted, a guy like CM Punk has a lot more gravitas behind his words than, say, Evan Bourne even. However, even if he's cutting the most scathing promo, and Triple H doesn't sell it, and he continues not to do so? Yeah, then we have a problem. What Punk says doesn't resonate because it doesn't matter. Fuck, at least with the Anonymous RAW GM (pbuh), he/she/it reacted to the things the wrestlers said or did towards it (or towards its proxy, Michael Cole). But no, God forbid Triple H, especially in a role where right now, it's not really known whether he'll be going back into the ring for a payoff, he's not in a position to deliver an in-ring payoff.

That's why him showing ass is so important. It wouldn't kill him, and it would help not just Punk, but Cena as well. Yeah, I know none of you out there want to read about Cena needing any help in storyline, but at the same time, isn't a story/feud/whatever much better when both guys aren't looking like feeble jackasses?

Now, honestly, we don't know where the story is going from here. Obviously, with WWE though, you could append that sentence to ANY criticism of their short-term booking decisions because Vince McMahon is batshit crazy, and unless you're Darren Rovell, you know that he's still got a hand in the pot. For all we know, they're building to a point where Trips snaps and starts taking drastic measures to make sure that CM Punk stops turning his microphones into pipe bombs, especially ones lobbed in his direction. But again, I bring up Triple H's track record. If he's going to waltz into the ring and tell the biggest star in the company, the one who has the most equity built up in him by the booking team, to RESPECT HIS AUTHORITAH, then what hope does anyone else, save the Undertaker, have?

If I wanted to watch douchebags be too cool for school, I'd go to my local frat house. But since I don't want that, and I want story development and conflict, I want my wrestling TV not to have characters like Triple H smugging it up on camera, no-selling the words of one of the greatest promos in history just to make himself look good. Selling isn't just something you do in the ring, it's something that's ongoing whenever you're in character. Just like I hate watching Davey Richards take a million kicks in the ring and shrug it off like he was just standing in front of an air conditioner, I want people who aren't supposed to like each other have the words they say to each other mean something. They won't mean anything if they're shrugged off like nothing ever happened in the first place.

My Favorite Wrestlers Ever: #3

Photo Credit: WWE.com

The Rock
Three Favorite Matches: vs. Steve Austin at WrestleMania X-7, vs. Chris Jericho at Survivor Series Vengeance 2001, vs. Hulk Hogan at WrestleMania X-8
Three Favorite Moments: Verbally sparring with Chris Jericho upon the latter's debut, This Is Your Life with Mick Foley, The promo post Royal Rumble 2000 where he mocked Big Show for the first time

The Rock spent an entire career proving people wrong. People thought he couldn't succeed after tanking as the "blue chipper". They were wrong. People said he couldn't wrestle. By 2000, he'd improved to the point where he was arguably the best worker in the company. People thought he'd never be a movie star. Well, to our chagrin, he became one. People never thought he'd come back. Well, he did. Sure, his definition of "never leaving" again may be different than some fans', but for me, I don't care if he appears once a year or once a show.

I've always been entranced by Rocky though, so maybe I'm biased. No shit I'm biased, but if being a fan of the most naturally charismatic man ever to step into a wrestling ring is wrong, then I don't ever wanna be right. Seriously, I always wondered back in the day when I'd go into those AOL chat rooms (I was in high school/college, shut up) and people would be bashing Rocky and pumping up guys like, ugh, Triple H. I mean, what, don't you like witty guys who say funny shit? Oh that's right, he couldn't "work" because he only did like three moves. Wrestling hipsterdom, smh. And I bet half of those people who hated on Rock were excited as shit to see him back this year. Maybe more or less, I don't know.

But what I do know is that the guy was seriously, and still is actually, a dynamo with a microphone in his hand. We already knew that though. That's like watching Aaron Rodgers play football and remark that he's really good at throwing the ball. Well no shit. What really sealed the deal for me was his mastery at actually wrestling. There was a time when he was middle of the pack at best, although his "terribleness" at wrestling was vastly overstated by smark-ass teenagers who think that throwing moves is the only way to have a good match. Go back and look at some of his classic matches against Steve Austin or Triple H or Mick Foley or later on, when he really came into his own against guys like Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar. He held his own end of the bargain easily.

I think the fact that he was so easily imitable for me, and yet hard to imitate at the same time, made him one of my favorites. It's paradoxical to say something like that. I guess what I mean to say is that I always liked trying to imitate Rocky, but I could never really get him down right. I guess that's his allure... we all wanted to be like him, but there is only one Great One, only one Rock.

And I for one can't wait to see him back in a WWE ring, April 1, 2012.

The Rock Replies to Cena's Incendiary House Show Promo from Australia

So, if you haven't heard about or even seen the video of the promo John Cena cut at the house show in Australia running down The Rock, well, yeah, he cut a promo on The Rock at a house show in Australia. Apparently, Rock caught wind of it, and he was pissed. Here's his reply:



To me, all of this plays out as some high-budget e-fed match where one guy promos and the other guy replies. I mean, if you listen to Rocky's promo, he even has pertinent footage of Cena's rant spliced in. It's amazing. Any way, I thought Rocky's delivery here was spot on, but I thought he also came off as puerile and glib in some spots. It was mostly good though. Then again, I like most Rock promos.

The big news though is that he's returning in the fall, or at least he wants to. Maybe he wrestles at Survivor Series? Maybe he just comes back and cuts more promos? Maybe he just throws Rock Bottoms around? Who knows. But when he comes back, it'll be good.

Our First Look at Dean Ambrose

Jon Moxley signed a deal with WWE earlier this year, and as with nearly everyone not named Mistico, he has to get seasoning in FCW. Here's his debut promo, in which he calls out Seth Rollins. Two years ago, Jon Moxley vs. Tyler Black would have been an indie dream match. Today, it could very well be the next step in programming for a select group of fans in Tampa. Then again, if I lived in Tampa, I'd be disappointed, because I hate Black/Rollins. But that's just me. Moxley, or Dean Ambrose as he's now known, is just fine with me. Check this out and try not to get goosebumps.



PS, Norman Smiley's the FCW General Manager? What, was Alex Wright busy?

There Will Never Be Another Rowdy Roddy Piper (And That's Okay)

The first Miz talks to the first Piper
Photo Credit: Watermarked in the lower left corner

On RAW Monday night, one of the best talkers from the 1980s, Rowdy Roddy Piper, stood in the same ring with one of the best talkers from the modern era, The Miz. Talk about a meeting across generations. During the back and forth, Piper noted that people were saying Miz was "the next Roddy Piper" and that there'd never be another Roddy Piper. I know the in character proclamation was used in the pejorative sense, but if you take it out of the context of the promo and as a statement of fact, I agree with him. There will NEVER be another Rowdy Scot.

And that's perfectly fine.

Piper is one-of-a-kind, a unique talent in the history of professional wrestling that was unlike any who came before him and unparalleled by anyone who came and will come after. While imitation is the sincerest form of flattery and a mechanism that works to a point in pro wrestling, trying to completely ape another guy's character or do the same exact things another person has done is a recipe for failure. Wrestling isn't the only place where these kinds of comparisons are dangerous. In real sport, the NBA especially, pundits are so quick to proclaim guys as the next Michael Jordan or Shaquille O'Neal, and they usually flame out. The only person who really hasn't disappointed expectation after comparisons to a past star is Kobe Bryant, and really, the way his career is going, we'll be comparing basketball players to him rather than saying his career was a facsimile to Jordan's. It would be a discredit to him to do otherwise, no matter how much you dislike him as a player (and believe me, I'd rather root for a Communist takeover of America than for any team where Kobe Bryant is the star player).

I feel like it's the same discredit to Miz to say he's the next Piper. To compare him favorably to Piper is one thing; anyone who is in wrestling would feel like an honor to be compared to one of the greatest performers ever. However, to say he's the next Piper? Why base his entire worth on being a facsimile of another guy, however great that guy may be, without looking at the things he can do, some of them similar to Piper, some different?

I do get that people who make those comparisons don't always mean it with the intent assigned here, but at the same time, it does speak to a symptom that we always seem to have to look at the present through the lens of what the past has provided. Wrestling, like most forms of entertainment and even sport, has to evolve in order to be truly memorable. If that weren't the case, the most popular bands would be Beatles, Led Zeppelin and Metallica cover bands. The best teams in football would run the wing-T and not outfit their helmets with facemasks. The most popular movies would be rema... okay, maybe THAT one isn't the best example. And the best drawing wrestling events would be nostalgia shows featuring the Pipers, Hulk Hogans, Ric Flairs, Brutus Beefcakes, Iron Sheiks and other has-beens. I think we'd all be a bit better off if we broke that habit of always reminding ourselves of the "good ol' days", but then again, that might be asking too much. It is human nature to fondly reminisce.

Even so, I still submit that The Miz is not the next Roddy Piper and never will be the next Roddy Piper. He's the first Miz, just as Piper was the first Roddy Piper, Hogan was the first Hulk Hogan and even now, John Cena was the first John Cena. Appreciating the past doesn't mean living in it.

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!

The Lost Lay-Cool Promo

Via Diva Dirt



This is from the Slammy RAW, and this was probably done over the commercial break, my guess is. Yeah, that's a bit of a simplistic promo, but it got killer heat. I think Layla's delivery is better though. All the more reason for her to come back heel.

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!

Don't Mess with Elizabeth

This one was from the aftermath of Macho Man and Liz's wedding reception, where Jake Roberts showed up with a king cobra in a box as retribution for being snubbed from the bachelor party (yes, that was really an angle... I know, I know). All I gotta say is you don't mess with Liz.

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!

History Beckons the Macho Man

Right before his WrestleMania III match, Macho Man cut a short but impactful promo. Here it is. I've been posting a lot of stuff with him and Mean Gene, but there's other stuff out there where he's on his own too. Just one of the great promos ever. Such a command of the flow and pitch, along with being one hell of a wordsmith.

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!

Macho Man Is on a Roll, He Can't Be Stopped

He hit a fork in the road, and he took the road to the right and went straight to the top. Seriously, Savage and Mean Gene have had some of the greatest moments ever together.

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!

Macho Uses Coffee as a Prop

Warrior claimed in his tribute that Randy Savage was never without a cup of coffee, which would explain his high-strung nature, or at least part of it (more on that later). Here he is actually working it into his career, describing his opinion on Ricky Steamboat's career in this pre-WrestleMania III promo. Again, the constant here is Mean Gene Okerlund. Y'know, Mean Gene and Macho are about as quintessential a duo as Macho and Liz if you think about it.

Just as an aside, it seems an inordinate amount of videos implying that Macho was on coke. That would explain the heart attack at 58 unless he had a high-cholesterol diet that we didn't know about or if he had a disposition towards heart disease. I could buy it, andI have my doubts at the same time, but was this ever confirmed? I mean, does anyone have an admission or a firsthand story of him doing coke? OR is this assumed because of his high-strung style and the fact that, as Bill Simmons noted in his tribute, Savage was '80s incarnate? I NEED TO KNOW THESE THINGS.

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!

Early Macho Man Promo

...and we're talkin' ICW early. That means PRE-MEMPHIS early.



This is surreal, mainly because it's got elements of Macho Man in it, but it's like he's crying or at least has laryngitis. Or both. Either way, it's definitely a treat to watch.

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!

Want to See a Promo Where Randy Savage Was Maybe the THIRD Most Insane Participant?

I don't know whether this was a wrestling promo or whether the mid-Aughts cast of Saturday Night Live went back in time to do a parody of one. It would have been a funny parody, but when Macho is the relative straight man in this? Well, you know you're in for a surreal time here. Between Zeus' inhumanly loud grunting drowning out what Savage was trying to say and Sherri climbing up the cage and moaning "YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE I'M GONNA BE AT HOGAN" over and over like she was high on Ecstasy, Savage almost looked restrained. An awesome spectacle.

And just in case you were wondering, yes, this is the part of Macho Week where I post Youtube promos. If you're cool, you'll enjoy them. If you don't enjoy them, we probably can't be friends.

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!

YOUR MUSTACHE IS CROOKED

"And your beard is a little sideways!"

Seriously, how could anyone not love the Macho Man?

Remember you can contact TH and ask him questions about wrestling, life or anything else. Please refer to this post for contact information. He always takes questions!