Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Wrestling Six Packs: Moves That Should Be Brought Back

Pictured: A move that should come back
Photo Credit: WrestleHistory.com
People are always trying to innovate moves, and I have no problem with that. There is nothing wrong with expanding the lexicon of moves. However, sometimes, using a move that's been abandoned over the years can be a welcome sight. Sure, they may be simplistic, but sometimes, I don't want to see a five rotation corkscrew springboard inverted reverse Death Valley driver bomb. Sometimes, I just wanna see a trapezius nerve hold. Here are six moves or holds that I want to see come back into the rotation.


I actually wrote about this at length on my birthday last year:
It may not look different than a regular lariat. Yeah, JBL and Stan Hansen and Kenta Kobashi and others may have better-looking clotheslines/lariats. Okay, but were they fucking called the AXE BOMBAH~!? NO THEY WEREN'T YOU JERKS. And the last time I checked, it's my birthday, not yours. Seriously, the WWE is in the habit of bringing back old moves and even old move names. Hell, they've even taken to incorrectly calling Tyler Reks' move the Burning Hammer (2035 Kenta Kobashi rolls over in his grave in the future every time that name is mentioned on WWE TV), so why not give someone a stiff lariat as a finisher and let Matt Striker or CM Punk scream "AAAXE BOMBAAAAH~!" every time the wrestler hits it? Is it that hard to do?
Is it pedantic? Mabye. Do I care? No.

2. Cranial Crush

So many moves target the head, so why not have a submission move that actually applies pressure to it rather than going for some kind of headlock or move that focuses more on contorting the neck? I always liked the visual, and in the age where guys learn to work rather than just plod around, especially the big guys, having psychology behind it would be awesome. I mean, having a guy work a match towards putting the other guy's head in a vise? I'd enjoy that very much.

3. Abdominal Stretch with Top Rope Grab for LEVERAGE

I love dastardly heel tactics. Today, they're still prevalent, but they're more overt, less subtle. I love the heel style from the '80s, where they'd do the sneakier stuff behind the ref's back like grab the ropes, pull the tights, questionably position their arms in headlocks and all that stuff. The best is the extended sequence where the heel has the face in an abdominal stretch and then grabs the rope for leverage. These were great because they turned restholds into amusing little spots in the match where you get cat and mouse between the heel and the ref. I miss that.

4. Banzai Drop

I also love traditional fat guy moves. Too bad there aren't a whole lot of fat guys left in WWE nowadays, and the ones in the indies traditionally "work" rather than do the fat guy thing. So you get no one really working the "I'm gonna squish you" angle all that much, except for Mark Henry. His shtick is already defined though, and it doesn't include the Banzai Drop. Yeah, Tursas used it Saturday (missing both times he tried), but I want someone using it regularly. I mean, there's no more effective visual of a fat guy just destroying someone than by sitting on them, right? Am I crazy?

5. Stump Puller

Another thing I love is the arcane submission hold. I'm not sure it gets more arcane than this one. Not only is this sort of a convention-defying submission, if it were applied low enough, it could double as a Roman helmet to the victim's head. If you don't know what it is... well, let's just say it's par for the course for how twisted wrestlers can be.

6. Bridging Perfect Plex

John Cena does a half-assed version of this, but he lets go of the leg hook mid-height and doesn't bridge. Tyson Kidd does the neckbreaker variant on this. Most indie guys go FISHAHHHMAN BUSTAAAAH style. But who does a regular, fisherman suplex with a bridge for a pin? If anyone does it, I'm unaware of them. Seriously, this was a great finishing move because it looked like a tight hold that was hard to get out of.

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