Tuesday, August 2, 2011

It's Still Real to Kevin Kelly, Dammit

Not the best in the world, according to a hermy
Photo Credit: WWE.com
It seems like Kevin Kelly's new gimmick is saying and writing dumb shit. A month or so after attempting to go America all over everyone's asses and failing, the man dubbed by The Rock as a hermaphrodite did an interview with Right After Wrestling, with excerpts transcribed by Lords of Pain, where he had some gems to drop on our ignorant asses.

I love CM Punk. I never met him personally, but when I meet him I will shake his hand and tell him how much I appreciate his talents.


But Punk wears a shirt on TV saying he's 'the best in the World'. Well he's not the best in the world until he defeats Davey Richards.

*spit take*

HAHA, that's fucking rich.

Davey Richards is the best wrestler in the World hands down!

Wait, is this a podcast transcript with a well-respected former WWE referee/agent, or is this the ravings of the ROH message board n00bs that @typicalROHfan makes fun of all the time?

You could put the Miz at #1 in the PWI 500

PWI 500? I think I give him too much credit for being savvy enough to post on ROH's message board.

...and then burn that magazine for printing that.

"A kayfabe publication doesn't rank our guy who didn't even win the Championship until after the cut off date for a list that even its target audience doesn't take seriously over someone who held the biggest title in the largest wrestling company for four and a half months? BURN IT! BURN IT!"

Davey Richards is the best in the World and I defy anybody to argue with me on that.

A small sampling of people I would argue are better workers than Davey Richards:

El Generico
Austin Aries
Dasher Hatfield
Robert Evans
Bully Ray
Mark Henry
Santino Marella

I could keep going, but I don't want to seem too pedantic.

Watch the match with Eddie Edwards. It was a 36-minute perfect match. Not one flaw.

I'm going to refrain from commenting since I didn't see it, but if it was anything like some of his other singles matches I've seen, then it's very hard for me to believe that there are zero flaws in that match. Unless you wanna use the whole "Don Larsen pitched a perfect game in the World Series despite not being that spectacular in the rest of his career" argument. I still would find it hard to believe, especially since what a perfect match is to me probably isn't the same as what it is to Kelly, or to really anyone else.

He trained for 4-weeks for that match - like a fighter.

He's revolutionizing the business right before our very eyes.

Oh man, if he's revolutionizing the business, then I'd hate to be a fan in 10 years when he's noted as the most influential wrestler around then.

But back to the whole "best in the world" argument, even if you tried framing it as an honest discussion, not as one just to try and pump yourself and your top star up at the hot ticket's expense, it doesn't work here. Wrestling is not some kind of sport (which makes Kelly's whole point about Richards training for a match for four weeks asinine... seriously, who stops training when they're a pro wrestler?), it's a hybrid artform that combines sport with theater and blends in so many different areas of entertainment that to distill it down into just wrestling ability is such a cop out. Plus, I firmly believe that if CM Punk doesn't hold this nebulous "best in the world" title, he's at least on the shortlist of guys who could hold it. He's a damn fine worker.

But because it's not just wrestling that defines you as best, you have to look at other things, like promos. And in that department, Richards is woefully behind Punk. But hey, I guess Kelly got his wish. He got me to take the bait and reply to him, as well as others to get talking. So in a way, he wins.

That still doesn't mean he's not delusional and shortsighted.

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