Wrestling Six Packs: Characters in Need of a Reboot

Goofy is good with Drew
Photo Credit: WWE.com

In honor of the features reboot this week, here are six wrestlers whose characters could use reboots. These are otherwise upstanding wrestlers who may feel stale, lost in the shuffle or at the natural end of the current character they have, and they range across the spectrum of feds. Here goes:

1. Drew McIntyre

Ah yes, Drew McIntyre, he's the man who won our hearts over this past year with his amazing in-ring acumen, yes. However, his character still remains as dull as dishwater. He needs a jolt, but what can he do? If only there was some video footage of him showing off some kind of natural charisma... oh wait, there totally is! Talk about a total miscast. I would keep the name "The Chosen One", only instead of making it as some pompous, hand-picked scion of Vince McMahon, he's the "The Chosen One... for Hire". Yep, as an eccentric hitman type, McIntyre takes on jobs for really anyone who has a problem, which obviously will be mostly for heels, but with really quirky demands and an outrageous personality. Think of him as a goofy badass, like Kurt Angle before he decided he was going to be ZOMG SERIOUS MMA AMATEUR WRESTLER WITH HIP HOP THEME SONG AND SUCH. I think if anyone pulls that archetype off, it could be McIntyre.

2. STIGMA

His partnership with Vin Gerard is over, and there's really no way he can continue on as STIGMA. The logical stepping point would be a retread back to the days of Shayne Storm, but I think it's clear that Mike Quackenbush won't be so forgiving. I'd play him off as some sort of ronin-type character, a tecnico-by-design, but a guy who doesn't really align himself with anyone. Kinda like Eddie Kingston for that short period between when he ditched the Roughnecks and joined the Chikara resistance against the BDK. He goes around atoning for his betrayal of the tecnicos by doing good deeds and random acts of penance but without really asking for or receiving any benefits. It would eventually lead to his reunion with Quack, but I'd like to see the story unfold that way.

3. Ted DiBiase

The obvious call would be him going face, whether as just a "regular" character or as a self-made man, a totally opposite to what his father was all about, much like Cody Rhodes is almost nothing like his blue-collar father was like now. I say there's still heel ground for him to stomp on. I say keep using his "richness" as a character point, but instead of a whiny trust-fund baby, he'd now be a "facilitator". Think of him as a weapons-dealer, or a crime boss. If a guy needs a sneak attack without being culpable, DiBiase's his man. If someone needs a tag partner, DiBiase gets him that tag partner. Good quality, high-grade weapons? The ability to frame someone for an attack? The possibilities are endless here. He could even work with McIntyre as his personal "independent contractor" for some hits, which would lead into a feud or angle between the two later on down the line.

4. Jack Swagger

I feel like the All-American American stuff has run its course. I love seeing him do the push-ups, and I think that'd remain an awesome part of his in-ring repertoire as a taunt, but I think Swagger's character needs to "grow up" a bit. I always liked how fearsome and stoic he looks in a suit, just towering over people and giving that steely gaze that says "I'm gonna fuck you up" without actually saying it. Therefore, I'd propose he becomes the anonymous RAW GM's hired muscle. We're already seeing the GM lose a bit of control over his program, so I think he should start enforcing his law with Swagger acting as his consigliere, or his enforcer if you will. It would be great as a sort of allegory for a totalitarian police state, and it could actually be a spark for heat between Cole and the GM, as of course, Cole doesn't like Swagger anymore.

5. Samoa Joe
6. Alex Shelley

I'm bunching these guys together because they tie into a similar, conjoined idea. Comic books have proven to be a great trove of source material for pro wrestling angles. Chikara has proven that time and time again. I propose the idea of making both these guys guerrilla warriors, Joe because fuck, his character needs it, and Shelley because his partner's hurt and it fits the narrative in Impact Wrestling. They'd be two differing guerrillas though. Joe would become Impact's Joker, a guy who causes chaos just to, as Alfred so eloquently described in The Dark Knight, "watch the world burn". Shelley, conversely, would be a freedom fighter, like V in V for Vendetta. His attacks would be strategic against Bischoff, Immortal, Hogan.

The attacks would start out anonymously by both, with one person being blamed for all of them. Then, over the next weeks, there'd be anonymous claimings of responsibility, investigations and what not. Joe as an agent of chaos could spawn a story of "who would stop him?", while Shelley would then be positioned as one of the top stars in Impact in his quest to topple the corrupt regime. They could intersect, with Shelley getting pissed that Joe's chaos is just that, and it's ruining his purpose. There is so much potential with this dynamic it's not even funny...

...then again, it's still TNA at heart, so this would be the pipeyest of pipe dreams. Still, I think it would work.

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