Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Some Real Fantasy Booking with CM Punk!

Punk, the conquering hero of SEVERAL realms!
Photo Credit:
So, CM Punk may be unemployed right now, but he's still defending the WWE Championship. Monday, he announced an impromptu title defense against a very formidable Japanese challenger:
On my couch. About to put the title on the line against Piston Honda.
Okay, Hiroshi Tanahashi or any other New Japan star it wasn't but hey, that Honda Rush has taken out many an unwitting fighter. Just ask Little Mac. Anyway, we haven't gotten any spoilers on whether that match was a success for Punk or not (WHERE ARE THE DIRTSHEET REPORTERS WHEN YOU FUCKING NEED THEM), but I can only assume it was a success since he was seen with the title later that evening at Wrigley Field.

This begs the question, what other places will Punk show up to defend the title? We all thought that it would be ROH or NJPW or some other indie or foreign fed, but now, with this first title defense out of the way, it's time to start lining up some of his next defenses. Unless he shows up next week to interrupt the Miz/Rey match, then I'm guessing he's out for awhile, and while he deserves a vacation, I'm not so sure he can stay still for that long of a time. So, in the spirit of that first defense, here's some fantasy booking in the truest sense of the word fantasy...

- First defense, Punk vs. Mario in a Mushroom Kingdom Madness match, which is like a Falls Count Anywhere match using warp pipes to go to the different areas. It's set up in a tag match between Punk and Mario against Bowser and Jimmy Jacobs, when Punk turns on the Italian plumber, disagreeing with his use of performance enhancing fungi. The match of course ends with Punk winning, hitting a Go to Sleep on Mario after distracting him by laying down some warp pipe on Peach.

- CM Punk vs. Tyrion Lannister. Not in a wrestling match, but in a contest to see who can slap the shit out of Joffrey the most.

That will never, ever get old.

- Harry Potter vs. Lord Voldemort. What does this have to do with Punk? Well, Harry's Petronus is Punk. The most powerful one there is, I might add.

- Punk vs. Chuck Norris in a battle to claim the outlandish meme. Punk quits, because he doesn't want to be associated with the lameness.

- Punk travels to the void to do battle with Randy Savage in a match that would make the Internet explode. Savage would obviously have the match won with the flying elbow, but as a courtesy to Punk, he gets himself disqualified because he has no need for mortal Championship belts in the afterlife. Plus, he prevented the fucking Rapture. That's all the recognition the Macho Man needs.

- Punk joins the cast of Next Food Network Star midseason. He wins the whole competition with his GTS Pizza, then has a three way with Rachael Ray and Giada de Laurentiis, using EVOO as the lubricant. Highest ratings in network history. Guy Fieri's head explodes, causing @DangerGuerrero to celebrate like the Rebel Alliance just blew up the Death Star outside of Endor.

- Punk visits the LOST island and wrestles the Smoke Monster to a time limit draw. Even fantasy characters from totally fictional TV shows have their political chicanery.

Yeah, so that's a lot of fantasy booking for one night. The possibilities are endless, almost infinite. There's just so much Punk can do before ending his vacation and coming back to claim his rightful throne as King BAMF of WWE.

NOTE: I was not on drugs during this post. I SWEAR.

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